8 Things Truly Happy Women Over 40 Have Stopped Giving A Damn About
Mundus | Shutterstock Getting older makes it easier to stop caring about things that never deserved so much energy.
Truly happy women over 40 usually become more confident and secure through years of experience. As we age, though, the societal norms and expectations can be loud and overpowering, which is why some women stop letting them control how they live. Instead of trying to satisfy everyone around them, they begin letting go of the pressures that keep them from living life on their own terms.
Happy women over 40 have stopped giving a damn about these things:
1. What other people think of them
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We waste so much time and energy worrying about what other people think of us. It’s part of the human condition to want to be liked and admired, but sometimes, when it comes at the expense of personal authenticity and peace, it’s more than misguided.
Women who decide in their 40s to stop caring about others' opinions finally have a chance to live life for themselves. Even if not much changes in their routine, this new mindset creates all kinds of peace.
2. Following society's timeline for their lives
Everyone, not just women, often takes on a lot of stress trying to conform to traditional timelines and expectations in their lives. Rather than appreciating what they truly enjoy and shaping their lives to align with their own personal goals, they are pressured to do what everyone else expects, often at their own expense.
Especially for women with beauty standards, relationships, and settling down, there’s a kind of freedom that comes from taking a step back and living a more authentic life. For some, that means doing the same things with a new, empowered mindset. For others, that’s being intentionally single, changing career paths, or starting new relationships that align with their truest values.
However it manifests, the women who are happiest later in life stop caring so much about what’s expected, and start investing energy into learning and following what lights them up personally.
3. Being pleasant and agreeable all the time
Women burn themselves out trying to be the stoic, agreeable, smaller women society pressures them to be. They take on so much, and then feel guilty when they’re exhausted, need to ask for help, or need a break.
The freest and happiest women learn to ask for what they need and stop caring so much about fitting this stereotypical mold. They spend their energy thoughtfully, and when they need a break or want to complain, they do.
4. Trying to look younger than they are
When women accept themselves as they are, instead of trying to fit into a mold or look younger to appease others, they improve their relationship with aging. They learn to love themselves as they are, instead of putting so much pressure on being someone they’re not.
The happiest women learn to cultivate self-respect and love from within first, and however that manifests in their appearance or aging process, it makes them feel secure. They don’t need to conform to draining beauty standards because they know who they are and what’s important without all the noise of external praise and validation.
5. Making themselves smaller to please other people
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Women are socialized at a very young age to be smaller, both physically and mentally. They’re celebrated when they dismiss themselves, try to conform to a mold, dim their own light, and focus on what everyone else wants instead of what they need. They hold themselves to this pattern of social behavior, always at their own expense.
Women who break this social pattern create happier lives for themselves. Especially when that comes with an empowering community or a sense of self written by themselves rather than by others, they have a kind of freedom that most people spend decades seeking out in the wrong places.
6. Competing with other women
Women are socialized to compete with each other because it helps to keep everyone smaller. When their enemy is other women, it protects the kinds of people who are celebrated and rewarded for being big in society.
However, not only does this come at the expense of community for women, but it also sparks all kinds of judgment that affects well-being. Instead of trying to build their self-worth by competing with someone else, happy women focus on supporting themselves and building stronger relationships with other women. They create relationships and community to uplift themselves and others, rather than to break them down.
7. Doing everyone else's emotional and mental work
Even in marriages where women earn as much as or more than their husbands, wives often spend more time on caregiving and housework. They’re also socialized into doing it without complaint or question, putting their mental health and stress levels at risk over and over again.
Whether it's managing a partner's emotions or handling administrative tasks for their adult children, the kinds of women who are truly happy in middle age stop taking on these responsibilities automatically.
Even in the workplace, being responsible for emotional labor without question, as so many women are, regardless of their role, can quickly drain people’s energy and cognitive abilities. It’s an insidious part of gender norms at work, putting women at risk of burnout. Even if they end up choosing to do these tasks, truly happy women make it an intentional effort, instead of saying “yes” out of fear that their “no" won’t be respected.
8. Keeping everyone happy
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Usually at the expense of their own internal well-being and stress levels, women tend to people-please to make everyone else feel comfortable. They’re socialized into it at a very young age: to stay silent, tolerate misbehavior, and protect people’s comfort, even when it makes their lives harder.
At some point, whether marked by a breakdown or a profound realization, these women decide to put themselves first.
They realize just how unsustainable it is for them to protect everyone else while putting their own needs, desires, and interests aside. When they start to look out for themselves, not only are they happier, but they can offer intentional support to others in a truly genuine way, without all the added resentment.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
