6 Things You Can Only Gain From Life’s Messiest, Most Miserable Moments
Life's messiest moments often teach us lessons that shape us the most.
Anna Keibalo | Unsplash No one under the sun — good or bad person, wealthy or poor —is spared life’s greatest challenges, obstacles, and setbacks. These are certainly guaranteed. The only question is the timing, magnitude, and form of the challenges.
People lose jobs, loved ones pass on, and others get disabled in horrific accidents. Some people have been attacked, left for dead, and survived. The list is endless. These moments can provide opportunities to develop coping mechanisms, build stronger relationships, and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our values.
Research indicates that by embracing the mess and actively seeking learning and growth from these experiences, we can cultivate a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Coping mechanisms differ from person to person, and for most of us, the response is fight or flight. Some of the common responses are to:
- Wallow in self-pity.
- Blame the universe.
- Ask, Why me?
Those who progress beyond their miseries permit themselves to turn challenges into opportunities. They see light even if the sky is no longer blue. When life sucks and everything is going wrong, think for a moment and ask yourself: "What gift is my setback giving me?"
Here are six things you can only gain from life’s messiest, most miserable moments:
1. You start to re-define your purpose
fizkes / Shutterstock
While in the Nazi concentration camps, Victor Frankl detected that his life purpose was bigger than the challenges facing him. He started visualizing, under those horrendous conditions, and teaching his students the strength of the human spirit.
Your challenges are the tip of the iceberg compared to what many such leaders have endured. Yours might be a wake-up call that it’s not too late to live your purpose and lead the life that you were truly meant to live.
Ask yourself meaningful and tough questions about your life: Are you fulfilled or surviving? Are you living the life that God intended for you to live? What is missing in your life and why?
2. Discover your strength
JLco Julia Amaral / Shutterstock
Life can be daunting, and you might go through desperate situations where you do not see hope. Most people discover their resilience when they are faced with challenges. They stand up and struggle their way through life. First, they have to stand and then for their loved ones.
When I asked my mother how she survived so many years of being sick, she replied that whenever she was sick, she would think about us, her family. She did not want to see us struggle through life without her. Her family gave her the reason to be strong, and it was through her sickness that she realized how resilient she was.
Your challenge can bring perseverance, tenacity, and endurance that you never thought you had.
To quote Bob Moore, "My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself when I was knocked down."
Psychologists developed the VIA Character Strengths Inventory to help people identify their character strengths, such as courage, kindness, and wisdom. These strengths are those that are most consistently expressed and that bring us the most joy and satisfaction.
3. You can finally pursue your passion
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock
A former colleague was dismissed from work. While others blamed the company, he saw the opportunity to pursue his passion.
He always had a burning desire to bake, which is something he did for the fun of it. After losing his job, he turned his hobby into a passion.
He opened his small bakery and finds fulfillment in it, even though the amount of money he makes is less than what he used to earn as an employee. He is content and happy for having reclaimed his life by doing what is meaningful to him.
His passion rubs positively on other areas of his life because he has control over his time and money than before. Had he decided to focus on the bleak future that unemployment would bring, he would not have ignited his passion.
4. You have space to get rid of bad friends and surround yourself with positive company
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
Sometimes, people land in jail due to bad company they kept. Some have engaged in destructive behaviors to please their friends. After they'd lost many years that could have been used productively, they awoke to the reality that the relationships they kept did not serve their purpose.
They started to see their lives from different perspectives and allowed, into their circles, people who support their new vision. They found themselves mentors who guided them through life’s challenges.
Miserable moments can catalyze self-reflection. When individuals experience unhappiness or dissatisfaction, they may begin to examine their relationships and identify potential contributors to their feelings. A 2014 study found that this introspection can reveal that certain friendships are draining, harmful, or incompatible with their values.
5. Your experience shows how important it is to make a difference in the lives of others
Sabrina Bracher / Shutterstock
There are many fault lines in your life that you can use to be a blessing and a lifeline to others. Those who walked the path before us are usually best positioned to teach and share their experiences with others.
A friend of mine used his time in prison to plan how he can be a blessing to others. He did not spend time blaming his father for being absent in his life.
Today, he runs a motivational speaking company where he uses his past experience to teach youth, especially young boys, about the dangers of living life on the fast lane, needing immediate gratification through criminal proceeds.
He did not brand himself a prisoner for life. Instead, he saw, in himself, a teacher, a mentor, and a beacon of light to others.
6. You're not stuck anymore
Yuri A / Shutterstock
You might be in an area where jobs are scarce and means for survival are limited. Your place of work might have relocated, presenting an opportunity to move to another city and explore new possibilities. Those who succeed look at life beyond their current environments and challenge their emotional attachment to where they were born and bred.
Moving to new locations can mean a new perspective, making new friends, and exposing your loved ones to new opportunities. Be open minded and picture the value that may come by changing your environment.
Tex Hlalele is a life coach and inspirational speaker. He specializes in body image, change management, self-esteem, forgiveness, stress, and communication issues.
