6 Things Emotionally Strong People Instantly Notice About Someone Who's Self-Destructive
They can read the signs you don't even realize you’re giving off.
Hannah Nelson | Pexels Self-destructive people do not always wear signs that they’re struggling. But by using your own experience, intuition, and common sense, you can look for significant clues that they are.
The challenge is to avoid overgeneralizing assumptions from specific things you notice, as well as the strong impulse to help or give advice. Instead, if you are emotionally healthy, you may choose from several options. From offering a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce ideas off of, or simply setting healthy boundaries, or getting space from the self-destructive person.
Here are a few indicators you can adapt or add to based on what is appropriate at the time. They can also relate to matters beyond self-destructive behavior and provide hints of related personal issues. Be alert for significant combinations of indicators rather than focusing on one or two.
Here are 6 things emotionally strong people instantly notice about someone who's self-destructive:
As noted, any of these signs on their own are not indications of self-destructive behavior, but they can be observed and combined with other signs to help support your theory.
1. Their appearance feels off for the situation
Look for a pattern rather than one odd or poor choice. This pattern may indicate they are too overwhelmed to consider external factors when getting dressed. It may also indicate an intention to draw attention to themselves.
2. Their health and hygiene seem neglected
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Extreme overweight or thinness is also apparent. In some situations, a discernible odor from poor self-care, drinking, or overcompensation with perfume shows up. Significant tiredness from poor sleep and perhaps depression may be indicated by nodding off or drooping eyelids and bloodshot eyes; large or very small pupils call attention to underlying issues. If movement is involved, other cues are impaired coordination and balance.
3. Their eye contact feels off
Eye contact can be darting or unsustained from discomfort with person-to-person communication and low confidence. They may also hyper-focus their eye contact in a way they haven’t previously or in a way that makes others uncomfortable.
4. Conversations feel scattered or hard to follow
Conversation is distorted by repetition of themes, possibly related to the individual’s concerns or situation. Similarly, they may have trouble following your conversation thread, jumping around, and adding irrelevant topics.
5. They can't seem to sit still
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You also notice agitation with fidgeting, tapping, fast talking, or crowded thoughts. According to Healthline, "People with psychomotor agitation can’t stay still or remain calm. They use movement to release tension and anxiety. If you have psychomotor agitation, you may regularly fidget, move fast, or move with no reason or purpose."
6. Your gut tells you something's not right
With the accumulation of what you notice, you start to feel uncomfortable yourself or distanced from connecting with the person. Depending on your nature, you may feel some combination of a need to avoid, acknowledge, or assist the person.
In addition to noticing specific combinations of the person’s self-presentation, your intuition tells you all is not well with them. Then, unless you have a valuable relationship with the person, pay attention to your responses and find a kind way to limit your connection and time with the person.
Here's what healthy people do when they encounter a self-destructive person
If you want to take the risk of acknowledging your concern, you may say something noncommittal such as: “I get the impression that all is not well with you at this time.” And then find a way to extricate yourself by saying something such as, “I’m afraid I have another commitment and need to leave now.”
A greater risk is offering assistance, especially when you’re untrained. So, if you want to take that route, have low expectations and consult with a professional knowledgeable about what you notice.
Unless you have a healthy reason to become involved, stay aware of the limitations to whatever you do, if anything, and the dangers of involving yourself in the situation.
Finally, stay alert to any tendency of your own to attract or be involved with needy people, however well-meaning.
Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., is a career and life management consultant and author of the Choose Courage series. She guides clients in accessing their strengths and making viable visions for current and future work and life situations.
