Teachers Reveal The 15 Wildest, Most Hilarious Things Their Students Have Ever Said
Kids say some really weird stuff.
Street Og | Unsplash Teachers hope to guide their students. Ideally, they'll teach them important lessons they can take through the rest of their lives — intellectually, but also socially and emotionally. Teachers are there if students need someone to talk to, and are hopefully able to help out if students have problems but have nowhere to turn.
Sometimes, they're even there to risk their lives, with one study highlighting the significant toll that teaching takes on their mental and physical well-being. They need a lot of appreciation sometimes. But teachers get so much more out of interaction with their students, including some great laughs and ridiculous stories.
Teachers reveal the 12 wildest, most hilarious things their students have ever said:
1. Why stop at four babies?
"I had a student say to me this semester: 'I can't believe you had a fourth baby. Why stop there? Why not buy a ranch and keep going, and create a new Duggar clan? You're off to a great start.' Yep." —Anonymous
2. The 'Jew'dicial Branch
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"One girl thought the Judicial Branch was only for Jews. The Jewdicial branch!" —Mr. Jeffrey Wasserman, 7th-grade Civics teacher
3. First-grade financial trauma
"'I only got $50 from the tooth fairy.' This was a serious comment from one of my first-grade students (age seven)." —Anonymous
4. ASCAP... or anti-fart tech?
"Student: 'What does ASCAP mean?'
Me: 'It's a copyright organization that the composer belongs to.'
Student: 'Oh. I thought it was to prevent you from farting.'" —Anonymous, New Jersey-based music instructor
5. Caught passing notes — and roasting the teacher
"When my friend was teaching in the Chicago Public Schools several years back, she had a particularly unruly class of 4th and 5th graders. One day, she caught two girls passing a note.
She walked by one of the girls' desks, grabbed the folded-up note, put it in her back pocket, and forgot about it. When she got home that night, she remembered the note in her pocket. It read, 'Miss Usher was just digging in her butt.'" —Anonymous
6. Tidbits of TMI from a kindergartner
"One time, a kindergarten student told his classmates that his dad kisses his mom 'down there.' I also once had a mom ask me to rush her to a conference because she had to check in from home due to her ankle contraption and being under house arrest. The other day, a child asked my age, and when I shared it, he said I was the same age as his grandma." —Anonymous
7. A kid with carnal knowledge
"A kid said this to me as I started teaching the class a song: 'This is my parents' wedding song.' I said, 'Oh, so you're probably excited to play it and do a nice thing for them?' The kid said, 'Nope. I don't think about anything to do with the process of making me.'" —Anonymous
8. Just give him a bottle already
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"It was the beginning of the school year, so we had lots of kids crying. A student had just turned three and cried nonstop for hours, almost every day, for about a month.
Yes, it was getting to us all, but I couldn't send him home. Anyway, one little girl said, 'He's so annoying.' Then another little girl turned to me and said, 'Yeah! Just give him a bottle.'" —Anonymous
9. Loud and proud farters, unite
"I recently heard a funny conversation between three girls. One of my instructional assistants (IA) was gassy and accidentally let one escape as we walked up the hill to the school's cafeteria. One of the girls voiced in surprise, 'Mrs. X farted!' I was nearby and heard everything, so I told the little girl that it was a normal human body sound.
She turned around and began telling her two friends about her mom being the loudest farter. She said, 'One time my mom farted downstairs so loud it woke me up. I was so scared, I didn't know what that loud sound was, but my sister told me to go back to sleep. She told me mom farted.' She was serious as she told the story, and I tried to get her to stop, but she really needed to let that one out." —Anonymous
10. Festive family traditions
"I asked my class, 'What's your family Christmas tradition?' One kid said, 'My mom and I decorate the tree while dad uses the bathroom.'" —Anonymous
11. Too many roaches, not enough shame
"This one happened about two years ago. We were on our insect unit and asked kids about bugs they see and know. A child yelled out, 'Cucarachas!' I said, 'Yes, that's a type of insect.'
Then a boy sitting quietly in front of me said, 'We have cucarachas in our house. LOTS of them!' —Anonymous
12. Divorce, dumpsters, and drip art
"I spent two summers as a camp art teaching assistant. One summer, I worked with five-year-olds. One morning, a boy in the group announced to everyone that his mom was mad at his dad because 'He really likes going dancing with other women ... LOTS of other women.'
For a project, we had the kids draw pictures of birds. All of the kids made pictures of birds flying, in nests, sitting on eggs, etc. One little boy drew a picture of a bird looking for food in a dumpster. For another project, we had the kids make Jackson Pollock-inspired drip paintings. One kid titled theirs 'What the Heck?'" —Anonymous
Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyle writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly.
