If You’re Still Mourning The Life You Thought You’d Have, These 4 Things Will Bring You Peace
Kenzhar Sharap | Pexels Do you remember your childhood dreams? The big, bold, sometimes terrifying ideas about who you'd become and what your life would look like? If you're still mourning the life you thought you'd have, it can feel like you're grieving something invisible; not a person, but a future that never arrived.
The reality is that everyone has unfulfilled dreams. We all have dreams that haven't been fulfilled or are crushed by outside circumstances. Careers change. Relationships end. Opportunities fall apart. And while it’s tempting to pretend we’re fine and push through, grieving unmet expectations is real. The process of finding peace and moving forward always begins the same way: with a choice.
If you're still mourning the life you thought you'd have, these 4 things will bring you peace:
1. Allow yourself to grieve
Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash+
You absolutely will want to spend some time grieving for the loss of a big dream. Give yourself time to process the fact that your dream is not to be. It’s OK to analyze and drill down into the dream and what ended it, then recognize it’s time to box it up and put it in your past.
Nonfinite grief describes the real mourning that happens when you lose a future you believed in, and research confirms that unfulfilled expectations can trigger genuine symptoms of depression if left unprocessed. Self-compassion lowers stress and depression during the grieving process.
For some, this will be like mourning the loss of a loved one, and you will actually go through the various phases of the grieving process. Be empathetic with yourself. You’ve been through a lot! Be patient and know this phase will pass. It’s a great time for you to reflect and be kind to yourself.
2. Revisit your values
When you’re done grieving, revisit your values. You’re dealing with unfulfilled dreams, remember? A lot of times, when you're dealing with a loss or giving something up, it's the right time to take another look at what you hold most dear to yourself. When I was 24 and starting my career, I valued hard work, recognition, and money.
At 54, I value personal fulfillment, quality time, and simplicity. I cannot tell you how often taking a second look at one’s values can enrich your life in unimaginable ways. (And possibly create new dreams… Just saying!) Revisit your values and see whether you’re still on the right path or if there’s another one for you.
There comes a point where all the pretending and performing and armor you've built up to protect yourself actually starts getting in the way of growing into who you're meant to be. Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston, writes, "There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can't live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. It's time to show up and be seen."
3. Take a creative class
Antoni Shkraba Studio / Pexels
If you’ve revisited your values, you most likely rediscovered something you once loved and something that was once a dream. Maybe it was painting. Maybe it was working with children or writing a book. Whatever it is, look into taking a class around it. Dip your toe in the creative pool. Besides being good for your soul, it truly will fill your self-care tank and give you more focus to really drill down into what you love.
A 2024 study of over 7,000 adults found that people who regularly engaged in arts and crafting activities reported higher well-being regardless of factors like income or social connection. This suggests that there's something uniquely restorative about making things with your hands and your imagination.
4. Dream your new dream
For me, even writing this, I'm thinking of all the unfulfilled dreams I’ve had over my lifetime. It's very humanizing to think of them all. It makes me smile, and it fills me with love and hope. No matter how many unfulfilled dreams I have, I always find there’s a new one on the horizon.
I get this feeling in my heart like it's swelling, and a burning ember in the belly like something is there, and I can’t put a name on it quite yet... But I digress! See? I have a new dream developing. I can feel it. The point is, possibilities come from thinking. Forget about the obstacles, simply dream about what could be possible without them in the way. That's where you will discover the best new dreams.
The rest of those unfulfilled dreams? It’s just as OK to leave them on the cutting-room floor as it is to hang onto one or two. I’ll admit, after 21 years of being single, getting remarried remains an unfulfilled dream I have! I’ll take that dream to the grave if I must — although I’d much rather take it to the altar.
Rachelle Stone is a burnout prevention coach, certified life coach, and the founder of R Stone Consulting.
