If Someone Does These 13 Things In Social Settings, They May Be More Introverted Than You Think
Nur Demirbas | Pexels We all know that to avoid spending any more time with people than is necessary, introverts do some pretty weird things. It’s not because they’re mean, though. Unlike extroverts, introverts feel drained when they have to interact with others. Many introverts would rather spend more time alone to pursue their passions or simply rest than chat it up at a networking event or a party.
However, there’s a rare breed of introverts that even other introverts probably find bizarre—extreme introverts. Extreme introverts work harder than anyone else to maximize the time they have to themselves. They don’t isolate, because they’re sad or angry—it’s just how they operate.
If someone does these 13 things in social settings, they may be more introverted than you think:
1. Before interviews, they put their stalker mode on overdrive
Whenever extreme introverts have an upcoming interview, they LinkedIn and Facebook-stalk as many people at the company as they can. That way, they can figure out what their interviewers’ interests are way ahead of time. They want to talk about themselves in a way that signals that they’ve done their 'research!'
When researchers at Johns Hopkins had people socialize with strangers at a cocktail party, they found that introverts who feared being judged performed nearly as well as extroverts. Makes sense that the same person who spends three hours memorizing a hiring manager's LinkedIn is also the one who walks in and nails it.
2. They’re insanely patient with fast food drive-thrus
No matter how ridiculously long a fast-food drive-thru is, extreme introverts would be willing to wait in it forever. Anything to avoid one-on-one interactions inside!
Introverts' brains process stimulation through longer neural pathways tied to long-term memory and planning, research shows. This means even a quick face-to-face exchange at a register takes more mental energy than most people realize. Twenty minutes in a drive-thru line is honestly a steal compared to the cognitive price tag of ordering inside.
3. They don’t often bother with small talk
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I mean, awkward silence is less awkward than talking for the millionth time about how it’s going to rain, right? At least extreme introverts don’t pretend to be all buddy-buddy over something as trivial as the weather.
A survey of introverts and extroverts found that 74% of introverts genuinely dislike small talk, compared to only 23% of extroverts. Psychologist Laurie Helgoe explains that small talk can create a barrier for introverts because superficial conversation prevents the kind of openness they're looking for.
4. They feel content with staying in for a whole month
Somehow, they are naturally immune to cabin fever. Given the choice, they would happily stay 'home sweet home' for the rest of their lives.
"Thinking introverts" seek out solitude not because they're running away from something but because they genuinely value self-reflection and deep focus. These introverts come out of long stretches alone feeling emotionally restored, not restless, which is why a month at home feels like a vacation rather than a punishment.
5. They haven’t been to parties or big events in years
Hardcore introverts can’t even remember the last time they went out to celebrate someone else’s birthday. It’s just not something that brings them enjoyment, like it does for other people.
Cornell University neuroscientists found that extroverts have a more reactive dopamine reward system, so their brains light up at the promise of social attention and status. Introverts have the same dopamine, but their systems just don't get fired up by a birthday party the way an extrovert's does.
6. They keep secrets even from people closest to them
Ultimately, extreme introverts are their own best friends. They’re so secretive that they can’t even confide in their own computer or diary.
Psychologist Michael Slepian has surveyed over 50,000 people about secret-keeping over the past decade, and introverts consistently outperform extroverts at guarding confidential information. They're also way more sensitive to invasions of privacy, which means keeping your secrets, as well as locking down their own even harder.
7. They never say a single word in conversations
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Even though they don’t speak up, extreme introverts have a lot to say. But instead of talking everything out, they often prefer writing it all down and carefully thinking through it.
According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney's research on introvert neuroscience, the writing pathways tend to flow way more naturally for introverts. It's not that they have nothing to say. Their thoughts come out clearer, sharper, and more fully formed when they can sit down and put them on paper instead of being put on the spot.
8. Even their online conversations are brief
After chatting online and hearing nothing back, most people assume that their extremely introverted friends have fallen off the face of the earth. But they haven’t. They just want to be alone, and they don’t see any use in justifying their need to recharge.
Personality researchers found that extroverts self-disclose at significantly greater depth than introverts in online settings, not because introverts don't care, but because they're wired to protect their social bandwidth, no matter the platform. Going radio silent for a few days isn't ghosting. It's just recharging.
9. They order at least half of their groceries online
An introvert’s dream come true—drones that fly overhead and deliver all the food they need. For now, though, ordering groceries online is good enough.
A 2024 survey found that 83% of introverts prefer email and digital communication for even basic everyday tasks, which says everything about how they approach the rest of their lives. If there's a way to get something done without a face-to-face interaction, an introvert has already found it and bookmarked it.
10. They hate grocery stores with a passion
They can miraculously get by without setting foot in a grocery store for at least a month. There are just too many people there.
Introverts maintain higher levels of "physiological arousal in stimulating environments." This means their nervous systems are basically running on high alert before they even walk through the automatic doors.
11. Their idea of fun is sitting still for hours
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Resting at home entertains them more than going out ever could. While extroverts are chasing dopamine from external stimulation, introverts are running on a totally different neurochemical.
They rely more on acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter that promotes feelings of calm and contentment during quiet, internally focused activities like reading, daydreaming, or simply sitting with their own thoughts. Doing "nothing" is genuinely doing something for them.
12. They leave without giving excuses
Extreme introverts come and go whenever they please – no excuses necessary. While less extreme introverts make up excuses for why they have to leave, extreme ones are above excuses and just leave whenever they feel like it (but only when it’s appropriate, of course).
That freedom to exit on their own terms is non-negotiable. Their battery is dead, and no excuse in the world is going to recharge it faster than just walking out the door.
13. They rarely answer their phones
They really, really hate phone calls with a passion. They always tell others to email them or text them if something urgent arises. If you call them, they won’t answer, so get used to your calls going to voicemail!
If your extremely introverted friends seem to have gone AWOL, don’t fret. They’re just recuperating from the overwhelming stimulation of the outer world. Their need to refresh doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, though.
Extreme introverts simply need plenty of self-care and alone time to be their best selves. Give them time and space, and they’ll show up for you like you show up for them.
Christine Chen is a writer who focuses on self-love, self-care, and relationships.
