The Art Of Being An Extrovert: 7 Simple Habits Of Naturally Extroverted People
Discover the everyday habits that make extroverts thrive.
Meruyert Gonullu | Pexels I like to consider myself an extrovert. So much so that sometimes I even talk to myself when I have no one else to talk to. Often, it's nothing more than gibberish and repeating whatever word I've taken a shine to recently. But having said that about being an extrovert, it doesn't mean I want to talk to people — hence the great paradox of extroverts.
Extroverts often seem like they were born to light up a room, but behind the laughter and seemingly natural social ease are daily habits that keep their social battery and spirits high. By looking at the way extroverted people move through the world, we can learn the powerful practices that make them so magnetic.
Here are 7 simple habits of naturally extroverted people:
1. They don't always want to talk to people
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Extroverts get high from just being around other people, not necessarily talking incessantly. We also like to observe and people-watch while talking about you in our heads, of course, which is part of the structure of the extroverted brain.
Research on brain gray matter correlates of extraversion suggested that certain brain areas and grey matter volume "may be associated with increased efficiency in social cognition‐related processing, which further leads to higher levels of extraversion."
2. They can't filter their chatter sometimes
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When we talk, we can't always control ourselves. We're often known to say things that are inappropriate or completely unfiltered. Don't take it personally — we can make it up to you by being in a good mood and sharing our snacks.
We don't mean to necessarily be unfiltered; we're just not very good at carefully selecting our words. Research from the Journal of Language and Social Psychology suggested that "the verbal style of extraverts is characterized by a higher level of abstract interpretation, whereas introverts tend to stick to concrete facts."
3. They aren't necessarily flirting with you
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Well, sometimes we are. But just because we're friendly and gregarious doesn't mean that we're interested in dating or falling in love with you. I'm often just as friendly to the cashier at the market as I am to my bestie or a random poodle.
A study of accuracy in the detection of flirting behavior showed "flirting was more accurately detected in clips where flirting did not occur than in clips where flirting occurred." So, if we want to hit on you, we'll make it obvious and known.
4. They love to banter with strangers, but cherish their deep friendships
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I have a family member who insists I'm superficial because I like to chit-chat with anyone about anything, whether it's about the best way to imitate a giraffe in charades or whether I support a single-payer healthcare system. Not true, my friends.
Enjoying witty banter with random people at a party doesn't mean we pick up friends willy-nilly, befriending anyone from random baristas to CEOs. We still value and cherish deep and meaningful friendships. Being comfortable around people doesn't mean we have zero standards.
5. They love to be around people but need alone time, too
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Just because we like to be around people doesn't mean we always need to be around people. We love our alone time, too. It's not as though we have a constant flow of espresso flowing through our veins. A little downtime allows us to recharge.
Studies in Psychological Science explored how "different people reliably used extraversion to different degrees to pursue the same goals. The goals explained why people sometimes manifested extraversion and sometimes manifested introversion, and the goals explained why some people manifested extraversion more often than did others."
6. They can be quiet, but it doesn't mean they're sick
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It also doesn't mean we are angry or otherwise disturbed. Sometimes we're just sleepy. Or having a terrible day.
My friends are used to seeing me behave like a cross between Mindy Lahiri and Elle Woods at all times, so when I go all emo on them, they're confused. Meanwhile, I just really have to use the bathroom and can't think straight. Extroverts are allowed to be quiet, too — so don't give us an endless interrogation when we are.
7. They get just as embarrassed as everyone else
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It's hard to believe that someone who lives life so openly could be embarrassed. But it's true. Extroverts feel just as embarrassed as the next person.
When I decided it would be a good idea to burst into the apartment I shared with my then-boyfriend singing, "Hello world, it's a beautiful day," complete with a dance, only to see four of his toughest-looking friends sitting on the sofa, believe me, I was embarrassed.
Rachel Khona is a lifestyle freelance writer and entrepreneur whose work has been featured in The Washington Post, Maxim, Allure, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Bustle, and The New York Times.
