The Art Of Being An Appealing Person: 6 Simple Habits Of Naturally Appealing People
From the way they listen to the energy they bring, here's what makes them so appealing.
Depiction Images | Shutterstock Look, we have to be honest with ourselves: appeal matters, especially when we're dating and looking for that special someone. And if it’s something we look for in a mate, it stands to reason others are seeking it in us.
The good news is, anyone can cultivate this kind of natural appeal because it's rooted in habits that you can easily bring into your own life, which will, in turn, draw people to you through a wild sort of instant, hard-to-explain magnetism. By slightly shifting the way you interact with people, you can create the kind of desirable presence that draws people to you almost effortlessly.
Here are six simple habits of naturally appealing people:
1. They let their body talk
Dozens of books have been written about body language. You could spend months studying it. But let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, need-to-know basics — eye contact along with head and back posture. Without staring, make sure you’re giving eye contact during key moments of conversation.
Let your instincts guide you. Look ’em in the eye when you’re delivering a punchline, saying something meaningful, or ready to move to the next stage of the date. Keep your back straight and your chin slightly angled down. This conveys confidence without seeming haughty, making you that much more appealing.
2 They put their complaints on the back burner
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No one likes a whiner. And if we’re in a relationship, we can definitely get into complaining territory even on special date nights. So zip your lip if your boss gave you a hard time or your co-worker is stealing the credit at the office. And definitely don’t start on those subjects if you’re on a date.
"When we have so many dissatisfactions and frustrations, yet believe we're powerless to do much about them or to get the results we want, we are left feeling helpless, hopeless, victimized, and bad about ourselves," explained psychologist Guy Winch. "Obviously, one such incident won't harm our mental health, but we have so many complaints that this scenario happens many times a day. This accumulation of frustration and helplessness can add up over time and impact our mood, our self-esteem, and even our general mental health."
3. They give off good, positive energy
Think about it, would you want to be close to a partner who was seriously stressed out, with their mind on everything else but you? Nope. When you feel good physically, you feel better mentally, and the combination helps create a better self-image. A study of the effects of massage on body image for women showed a more favorable self-image in the participants who received massage.
Do yourself a favor and de-stress before a date. Get a massage. Too expensive? Breathe deeply, take a long walk, or take your time sipping on a cup of tea.
4. They resist the urge to constantly spot-check their reflection
None of us thinks we do this, but we all have. And many of us do it often enough that we don’t realize when we’re doing it. What do I mean? The old hair and makeup check in the reflection of a shiny surface. A window, a piece of chrome, even a countertop or turned-off computer monitor.
Even if you think you’re being sly, your date may notice, and it can be a huge turnoff, signaling vanity or insecurity, or both. Also, the mirror can be harmful, as psychotherapist Irene Celcer explained, "The image in the mirror is not the place to search for self-esteem, especially because you feel vulnerable about it. At least for the time being, look for your worthiness somewhere else. Remind yourself of the qualities you offer outside of physical beauty."
5. They try new things
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Turns out a new, exciting activity with your partner can create brain chemistry similar to falling in love. So if you’re looking for something to turn up the vibe, plan a new activity. It’ll boost your appeal in the process.
Playing for the sake of fun is something relationship coach Deborah Roth highly recommends. "We all need a regular dose of play to maintain optimal focus, balance, and creativity in our lives. When was the last time you saw-sawed with a friend? Yes, it is possible to swing very high with a suit jacket on or a skirt tucked under you. How about keeping some jacks or a Frisbee in your desk drawer, or a yo-yo, or one of those little paddles with a ball attached, where you bat the ball as often as you whack your head?! This could be just the infusion of silliness you need when you’re having a rough day."
6. They know themselves better than anyone else
The most important advice on this list is to be yourself in all efforts. If you’re planning a new date, make sure it’s something you’re into as well. If you’re de-stressing, do what makes you feel relaxed.
Get the point? In all of this advice, there’s a way to spin it so it tailors to you. Staying true to yourself will give you confidence, the most appealing trait of all.
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