The Simple, Fairly Obvious Way To Never Be Unhappy Again

How to actually choose to be happy.

Choosing happy, how to be happy Natalia Blauth | Unsplash, designer491 | Canva

Most people would say their main goal in life is to find out how to be happy all of the time. But I don't agree with that pursuit. To be happy all the time is not the reality for most human beings. It's very normal to have times when you feel unhappy. If you are exceptionally self-actualized, you may be able to choose happiness at the moment. Let's take this "choosing happiness" concept onto the court of your life to see how you can be happier more often.


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I've discovered a big secret about happiness, and it's one of the reasons I have an incredible life today. Digest this little secret and you are on your way to being consistently happier in your life. Don't over-analyze. It's taken me years, so be patient. The secret to being happy is not about noticing when you're happy. It's about identifying when you are not happy — those times when you are off, cranky, or discombobulated. In these moments, you have the opportunity to take the first step to turning unhappiness into happiness again, even if it doesn't feel like it. But you have to decide to do something.


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Once you recognize you're unhappy, the next step is to stop to consider what would make you happy again. Busy people typically charge through their day, thinking they can't stop, and that's the problem. What if you paused and asked yourself, even for three seconds, what would make you happy in that moment? What is something that you could do right then, no matter where you were, that would help elevate your mood? What if the answer was one of these happiness game-changers?

  • Taking a 20-minute walk.
  • Taking a bath before cooking dinner.
  • Indulging in an ice cream before that errand.
  • Calling a friend before doing that report.
  • Watching a funny video.
  • Write down how you're feeling.
  • Doing a simple breathing exercise.
  • Putting headphones in and listening to your favorite album.

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It's not that you shouldn't do what's on your to-do list, but it's about being happy and enjoying your day in the midst of it. It's not as much about choosing the emotion of happiness in every moment as it is about the actions you choose to take in every moment to create happiness. We can't be happy 100% of the time, it's just not possible. The point is to see what you do when you're unhappy, and what choices you'll make for yourself, even if you're falling apart on the inside. It's choosing to be kind to yourself, no matter what state you're in. Happiness will always be there, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

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Suzanne Muller-Heinz is an international speaker, dating coach, and author of the book Loveable: 21 Practices for Being in a Loving & Fulfilling Relationship.