5 Heartbreaking Signs Your Friendship Just Isn’t What It Used To Be, According To Experts

A 2022 study concluded that friendships naturally evolve throughout life due to various factors, including individual development, changing social contexts, and the passage of time.

Significant life events, such as starting a job, entering a romantic relationship, or relocating, can impact the time, energy, and priorities associated with friendships. You could have sworn you were best friends for life, friends forever, and friends to the end until...

Here are five heartbreaking signs your friendship just isn’t what it used to be, according to experts:

1. Your interactions fade

woman whose friendship isn't what it used to be as interactions fade Xavier Lorenzo / Shutterstock

A sign of neglecting a friendship is when conversations and interactions start to fade. It's in the moments you realize you haven't reached out in a while, forgotten important dates, or missed celebrating big moments together. This growing silence indicates that the friendship isn't getting the attention it needs to stay strong and vibrant.

— Clare Waismann, Waismann Method and Domus Retreat Founder

2. It's all about you

woman whose friendship isn't what it used to be being all about her Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock

Do the topics of conversation always focus on me — on my worries, my celebrations, my distractions? Or is there space in our relationship for my friend to share what is happening in her life?

There are different seasons in life, where the focus may be more on one or the other — for example, when my mother was dying, I was the recipient of much love and care. However, over time, if the focus continued to be on me — that would eventually be tiresome. So, it's important in a close friendship to make sure there is time for both people to be the focus of attention.

— Jennifer Hargrave, Owner & Divorce Attorney, Hargrave Family Law

3. You notice you just ... care less

woman whose friendship isn't what it used to be noticing these things Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

If you find yourselves no longer enjoying the same activities or have difficulty finding common ground, it might signal a shift in your friendship dynamic. Maybe you've noticed the following two things:

Not being an active listener: Regularly being distracted during chats or not remembering what your friend tells you.
Not celebrating the success of your friend.

— Sidhharrth S Kumaar, Astro Numerologist

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4. It's a one-way street

woman whose friendship isn't what it used to as it's a one way only street Josep Suria / Shutterstock

One sign you're not taking good care of a friendship is when it's a one-way street: the other person provides most of the support, material, and emotional support, and you do very little.

— Ruth Schimel, PhD, Career & Life Mgt. Consultant, Author

Research suggests that one-sided friendships can arise from various factors, including attachment styles, unmet needs, and differing expectations about reciprocity. These friendships can hurt self-esteem, creating a sense of imbalance and emotional vulnerability.

5. You play the 'it's your turn to contact' game

woman whose friendship isn't what it used to be playing it's your turn contact game Ekateryna Zubal / Shutterstock

Many of us expect that once we've called a friend, it's their "turn" to call the next time. Even when we think it's strange that they haven't called or get worried that something may be wrong, we still wait for them to contact us.

But what is stopping you from reaching out to someone you care about?? In friendship, as in love, it's good to check in with them to ask how they're doing. It shows you care.

Sometimes, life gets in the way of return calls, or people forget who called whom the last time. If you want to be a good friend, periodically check in on the friends you care about and don't play the "but I called you, so now it's your turn to call me" game. A good friend will appreciate you checking up on them, especially if they are going through a rough time and need to hear a friendly, concerned voice.

— Dr. Gloria Brame, Therapist

When your friendship becomes all about you, whether by intent or by inattention, you need to take some time to maintain your connection and keep

the friendship from becoming a one-way street or a stagnant, forgotten memory. Go ahead and call your friend to say, "Hey, I love you," and ask, "How are you doing?" if not anything else.

Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.