13 Signs You Don't Value Yourself Enough (Which Turns Men Off)

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shy woman

Back when I was still interested in finding love, I was often told by people that I didn’t deserve the abuse I got from guys.

There’s a lot I did for guys, but they never quite did the same for me. Ever. Eventually, I gave up and I’m actually better for it.

The funny thing I’ve realized about most men is that they don’t really appreciate good women until it’s too late. Usually, they only start to realize how much they’ve lost when she’s been out the door for years, and frankly, I’m done trying to placate men because of it.

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I know for a fact that there are a lot of girls out there crying into their pillows wondering why they can’t get or keep a man. I also know for a fact that there are also a lot of good girls out there who have housed men, cooked for them, cleaned for them, and just did everything to please them only to be slammed by them. I know because I’ve seen that with a lot of my friends as well as myself.

Wake up! If you have any of the following signs of a good woman, you don’t deserve the way men treat you.

You’re just too good for the scum who you’ve been dating, and you need to leave them be. After all, there’s no reason to ever put a pear-like yourself in front of swine that will just trample all over you. Be the type of woman men want to marry and never settle for guys who treat you like you're anything but. 

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Here are 13 signs you don't value yourself enough and it turns him off:

1. You stay loyal and take guys back, even after they insult you, cheat on you, or hit you

Sweetie, don’t be like this. You deserve better, and frankly, the guy you’re taking back is a cheater at best and an abuser at worst. No one deserves to be abused by someone they love, especially you.

2. People have straight-up told you that you deserve better

Do you hear this a lot, even from people who are strangers? More often than not, people tell you this because they see someone taking you for granted, hurting you, or otherwise just being a jerk. They’re probably right.

3. You often find excuses for guys’ behavior, even though you wouldn’t dare behave that way with them

If you notice that you tolerate or excuse behavior from people you’d never dream of doing, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate things. Why do you judge them by a different standard than you judge yourself? Is it because you worry that you’ll be alone if you don’t put up with it, or is it because you feel that they can’t take the high road?

Either way, it’s not a good thing to do and it may indicate that you need to talk to someone who can help you sort things out.

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4. You tend to lose a lot more in relationships than your exes do

This was what really gave it away for me. I’d give until they’d have nothing left, and then my exes would bail. Stop being someone else’s piggy bank, emotional backup, or servant. They don’t appreciate it; they just use you.

5. People have noted that there seems to be a serious mismatch between you and your partners

Have they often remarked that you seem to “date down” way more than a typical person would? If so, would you agree with that?

If you’d agree with that, ask yourself why that is. Do you think that you owe it to others to “give them a chance,” or are you hoping someone would put you on a pedestal or be so much better? More often than not, a serious mismatch will leave one partner feeling resentful, clingy, and jealous, while the “good one” suffers because their partner can’t handle dating up.

6. Every ex you’ve ever had admitted you treated them way too well

I’ve learned that most people don’t respect someone who is too good to them. If you keep getting dumped while your exes insist you did nothing wrong, it could legitimately be that you’re too good for them.

7. You might have a tendency of bribing people to hang out with you

What I’ve found is that some of the best people you’ll ever meet also tend to be some of the loneliest ones. Lonely people will often go the extra mile to be a good friend, or to try to be a good friend. Often, this takes the form of bribing people with tickets to concerts, dinners, and other similar goodies.

If this sounds like you, it's one of the signs of a good woman and you’re way too kind of a person to be dealing with the bad stuff you’re going through. Rather than continue to put yourself in harm’s way, it may be best to close your wallet and tell people it’s time for them to pay their share.

8. You ignore red flags simply because you’re hoping you can change that person

A wise man once told me, “The only person you can change is yourself.” You cannot fix people. You can’t make them “see the light.” So, stop trying to do that, and start trying to look out for yourself rather than others.

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9. People have told you that you tend to be a martyr for others, or you yourself know this to be true

Martyrdom isn’t sexy. In fact, most people who have had others sacrifice themselves for them don’t appreciate it. It’s actually a known fact that if you do too many favors for people, those people tend to lose trust and respect for you. Do people love you at first and then “get bored” of you or start using you? If so, this may be a sign you’re literally just too good for them.

10. Not even your friends seem to treat you right

This is one of those signs that you need to reevaluate the kind of behavior you’re accepting. If you regularly find yourself being treated badly by everyone, it may be time to invest in therapy or training that can help you become more assertive.

11. People have called you “a doormat,” “spineless,” or “too nice”

Most of the people who act like human doormats are actually just genuinely sweet people who are too afraid to make their needs known in an assertive manner. If you regularly hear this, you might need to know that you can be kind, polite, and assertive and still be a nice, likable person. “No” is a full sentence, and there’s nothing wrong with saying it from time to time.

12. Most of your ex’s friends would complain that their girls wouldn’t do half the things you did

This is literally the definition of being a good woman and a good girlfriend. But sadly, most people don’t appreciate a good woman who’s willing to go that extra mile until they settle for someone who doesn’t do that.

13. A lot of guys have dumped you but asked you to “wait for them” until they’re finished sowing their wild oats

Yes, this has happened to me. Yes, it hurt. No, they did not deserve me. From what I’ve seen, people who do this often will come crawling back. That’s not to say you should take them back, though. Anytime this happens, you can rest assured that you were way too good for them.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.