The Relationship Epiphany I Had When I Discovered I Was Asexual

Relationships are about a lot more than .

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If you’ve read the title to this, you can be one of many kinds of people: You may have just stumbled on my little article, or you heard the word "asexual" in passing when walking down the street, or halls of the school and just want to be more woke.

Maybe you want to understand more about the LGBTQIA+ community, and found this deep in the glossary of terms you should know.

If you’re none of these, then maybe you’re like me.


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Maybe you’re someone who has just … never been attracted to the idea of physical intimacy. Sex has never interested you, no matter who you pictured yourself with. You’ve found people attractive, but not in that way — the way everyone else means it.

That’s where the term asexuality can come into play. No, I don’t mean that biology term you heard freshman year of high school about plants. We're not plants. Asexual is the term used for us folks that don’t experience sexual attraction.

That can sound really scary and confusing, but I promise you, it’s not. I felt confused when I first came across the term in an LGBTQIA+ YouTuber’s video a few years ago. It felt familiar to me. It explained why I never really enjoyed physical intimacy, and why I never felt the want or desire to have sex.


RELATED: 20 People Reveal What Being Asexual Is Really Like

After my initial freakout, and pacing my room for 5 minutes trying to understand the ramifications of my new discovery, I had an epiphany. I finally felt like I was understood. It wasn’t that I was a freak, or just hadn’t found the right person. It had a name and an amazing community that came with it.

Being asexual doesn’t mean that you’ll never find love.

Love isn’t directly linked to sex. There’s so much more to love. You can be attracted to a person because of their aesthetic, their personality, or any part of them! They don’t even have to be asexual!

All relationships are based on open and honest communication with one another.


Just like how you would talk about things you like and don’t like in the bedroom, having that honest discussion with your partner is so important. I made sure to have that talk early on with my partner and that was the best thing I could have done for our relationship.

RELATED: No, I'm Not Asexual Or Menopausal — I Just Don't Like Sex, Period

Look at yourself and what you want out of a relationship. Ask what your partner wants in a relationship too.

Compromises are important. If you are someone who doesn’t experience that attraction but isn’t sex averse (meaning you are totally against having sex), then take that into consideration, especially if your partner isn’t asexual.


Focus on the other parts of love. Be there for your partner. Support them through their triumphs and be a shoulder to cry on during their hardships. Listen to each other, appreciate each other's likes and dislikes, and be open to new experiences like you would be in any other relationship.

Your love life isn’t doomed if you're asexual. It will be beautiful and thriving.

Don’t apologize for who you are; live the life you always wanted to live with a partner that will love all the different parts of you.


RELATED: Why There's Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Not Wanting To Have Sex

Kayla Baptista is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.