7 Reasons Why You Should Get Angry More Often
Anger can be used in a positive capacity to better understand yourself.
mimagephotography | Shutterstock My experience with anger in the past has been difficult if I dare say so myself.
For a very long time, I did not know how to healthily process my anger.
Any time I would hear something that triggered or offended me, I would become very defensive. Most often I would say things or react in a way that made me feel shameful afterward.
It was like this until I started educating myself about emotional intelligence five years ago.
I trained with prestigious institutions:
- The Gottman Institute
- The Thriving School of Transformation
- The Center for Non-Violent Communication
- NVC Rising, etc.
Then I started my coaching practice, helping people 'befriend' their anger.
Anger is a strong and common emotion. And it’s even healthy when looked at in a positive light.
Anger can be used in a positive capacity to better understand yourself.
With my professional experience, I have learned several techniques that help when navigating anger in people’s lives.
These techniques do not apply to any situation where there is abuse. If you suspect you are going through abuse, please seek help through a hotline in your region. Do not try to fix the issues or your partner’s anger yourself.
If abuse is not what you are facing, then follow along to learn these seven reasons why you should get angry more often.
Listen to your anger. Note that I didn’t say express it, but listen to it first.
The majority of people do not know how to control their anger, and this leads to hurtful outbursts.
Discover how to break this habit, and use your anger as a serving tool to guide you through disagreements.
Here are 7 reasons why you should get angry more often:
1. Your anger is trying to tell you something, so pay attention
When you begin to feel your anger flaring up, it is hard to put a cap on it. Your heart rate increases, your muscles get tense, and all you want to do is yell.
Does this sound like you?
Take the time to look past the anger. Anger is the only emotion that is normally accompanied by another. It could be feelings of hurt, betrayal or sadness.
By addressing how certain things made you feel, you are being honest with yourself and the people around you.
Once your feelings are highlighted, the anger will fade away by itself. It will have accomplished what it needed to do, and the measures to be taken.
Example:
You could be angry at your partner for not taking the trash out five nights in a row. What you are likely feeling deep down is the hurt.
You have told him multiple times to help you with this chore, yet he didn’t help.
2. Anger is like a red traffic light
When you are driving, if you see the lights turn red, you instantly come to a halt.
That is exactly what to do with anger.
If you feel your anger rise up, you need to stop and deal with it immediately. Ignoring the anger gets you nowhere, and makes the situation even worse.
In such an instance, it is important to use your anger as a wake-up call.
Double back and analyze what it is you feel. Your emotions are the warning signs, and they will pinpoint you in the right direction.
Think before you speak, collect your words carefully, and convey them to the other person explaining why they made you feel upset.
It’s a good way to deal with problems as they come and to find solutions as well.
3. Anger helps you to be accountable to yourself
During disagreements, a lot of blame is usually thrown around.
- "You made me late to work today!"
- "You never help around the house!"
Let’s change that by introducing the use of "I" statements.
Instead of saying "You never help around the house" say "I’m upset because I have to take the trash out."
Better?
4. Anger helps you understand your boundaries
Up to this point in your life, you have learned what makes you tick and what doesn’t. Where do you think you could have gotten this knowledge? It’s anger!
For you to know an action or a person upsets you, they have angered you. Through this is when you learn that you don’t like this thing or person.
Five years ago, when someone angered me, I would get very defensive and heated. This was before I figured out that I was getting triggered because a boundary of mine was getting crossed.
We all have our boundaries, and it’s important to know what our anger brings out.
Perhaps you don’t like to be spoken to in a certain way, or you can’t tolerate a certain behavior. These things are exactly what your anger maps out for you, and you need to take the wheel to understand more about yourself.
5. Anger is what makes you human
The bottom line is that anger is just like any normal emotion we feel.
Now, we are not looking to get rid of anger altogether but to manage it in an effective way.
Anger shows up when you have an unmet need, and it has a good reason to be present. It is completely normal to be angry, however, it is your full responsibility what you do with it.
According to research, human beings lose most cognitive control of their actions when angry. Anger is impulsive and without control, can lead up to resentful results.
That is why you have to let your anger help you. Listen to it, change how you communicate it, and concentrate on solution-finding.
6. Anger helps you move forward in life
Sometimes anger is all you need to empower yourself to move forward.
I believe we have all been in a difficult place in our lives, and we were angry with ourselves during these times.
What if I told you that it is precisely what you needed?
Anger is strong, prevalent, and influencing. If you feel stuck in your life or like you are barely moving forward, anger is bound to work in your favor.
Most times, people get angry with themselves just enough to make a change. No one wants to remain in the same spot forever.
So take that comment, experience, or position that made you feel angry. It will be the driving force that propels you forward.
7. Anger will guide you on how you should speak
It may sound contradictory — I understand.
Anger is this big electric emotion that can be potentially destructive. Yet, it can guide you on how to act accordingly.
When you are getting riled up, you can feel it even through your body language. Before you speak, gather your thoughts.
- Which of my needs is not being met?
- How does the other person feel about this?
- What is my plan on how to tackle this problem?
These rhetorical questions are key, and they will save you a ton of shame and regret.
Keep away from saying any negative words or expletives. If it helps, say them in your head. We are only human, after all.
Convey the information you think your partner or friend needs to know — your feelings, your needs — and keep in mind to use "I" statements.
By the time you are done, even the weight will be lighter on your shoulders.
Anger is not something you can run away from. It will always be there.
But after reading this article, I want you to feel proud of yourself after an argument. I want you to sit down and thank yourself for handling that disagreement so graciously.
Because at the end of the day, we ourselves are accountable for what goes on in our lives.
Have better control of your emotions and better control of your life!
Hakima Tantrika is a Tantra teacher, intimacy and relationship coach, writer, influencer, and educator.