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Your behavior is sabotaging your friendships.
By Nancy Nichols — Last updated on May 27, 2023
If only we could see ourselves as others see us. When someone criticizes, shuns, or mistreats us, their reproach can make us feel like there is something innately wrong with us and we may feel insignificant, worthless and undeserving.
Most of the time, someone’s disapproval may not be about you, but more about their negative mindset and attitudes. Then again, maybe their rebuff is warranted.
Friendship is all about sharing a bond with someone through similar interests, morals, trust, and unconditional love. And though we all have negative traits we want to deny, when our boorish behavior offends someone, we tend to justify and minimize our hurtful behavior.
If you're guilty of these behaviors in your friendships, they are probably the reasons why your friends don't like you.
Here are 21 reasons why your friends don't like you.
1. You drink too much.
When you drink, your behavior shifts from affable and engaging to talking loudly and using foul language. You think the F-bomb adds punch to your storyline, but it offends most people.
Your friends tell you to call Uber but you insist that you’re okay to drive home. Happy hour is glorious but friends will grow weary of someone's obnoxious, irresponsible behavior.
2. You’re cheap.
You grow alligator arms when the tab comes. Your short, stubby arms pretend to struggle to reach your wallet in the bottom of your purse. You’re always "short of funds."
You play on your friends’ generosity and you let them treat you to event tickets, cocktails, and appetizers. And you’re a lousy tipper.
3. You’re selfish.
You expect a man to wine and dine you, but you never offer to go Dutch, buy his cocktails, and you're too miserly to pick up the entire tab.
When your friends cart you everywhere, you never offer to pay for gas. You show up empty-handed at a dinner party and you haul home the leftovers.
4. You’re controlling.
You choose where and when you will go out with your friends, and if you don’t like the restaurant, venue, or the day of the week, you tell them you don’t want to go.
You control the invitation list. If you don’t like someone, you manage to exclude them from your friend group. You manipulate your friends into picking you up in their automobile because you’re lazy, cheap, and irresponsible.
5. You’re unreliable.
You cancel on a friend to go out with a man. You won’t commit to an invitation until the last minute because you’re afraid a better offer will come along. If you aren't a reliable friend, how can you expect them to keep you around?
6. You don’t reciprocate.
Your friend constantly helps you out — she waters your plants while you’re out of town or she takes you to the airport — but when she asks you for a favor, you’re busy. You're never willing to show with actions, not just words, that you're a good friend.
7. You’re rude.
You text, check Facebook, and talk on your phone while riding in a car with a friend or sitting with someone in a restaurant. If you disagree with one of your friend's choices, instead of politely disagreeing, you use harsh words and disregard their feelings.
8. You’re self-absorbed.
You boast and talk unceasingly about yourself. You’re not interested in listening to others; when someone tries to share a thought, you hijack the conversation, turning the focus back on to you.
9. You're a know-it-all.
You have a strong opinion on everything and you interrupt someone's conversation to one-up them. Your facial expression tells them they don't know what they're talking about. Conversation with you is combative and draining.
10. You’re hyper-sensitive.
You overreact to something a friend said or did. You withdraw from her or you confront her, but either way, you push your friend away.
While you shouldn't stuff down your hurt feelings, sometimes it's in your best interest to ignore someone’s inconsiderate behavior to avoid conflict and possibly lose mutual friends. A year later, your friend’s offense can seem minor and you'll be glad you let it go.
11. You try too hard.
When you're on a date, you talk too much because you're uncomfortable with a long pause in a conversation. When you see your friends, you dominate the conversation with your long winded narratives about the never-ending drama with your ex and dysfunctional family members, money troubles, and problems at work.
You wear your friends out with your constant phone calls with the minute-to-minute details of your life. You interrupt someone’s conversation to inject your funny comebacks or to finish their sentence. You do all the calling and inviting because no one ever seems to reach out to you — and you wonder why.
12. You gossip.
A girlfriend hurt your feelings and you feel compelled to spread the news to half dozen mutual friends, hoping that they will take your side. This accomplishes two things:
- You burn your bridge with the offending friend.
- Your other friends view you as a petty troublemaker and you wind up looking for new friends.
13. You have a negative mindset.
You’re close-minded and judgmental. You openly discredit someone’s opinions, ideas, and actions. You’re quick-tempered and argumentative (an indication of anger issues); the slightest contradiction to your beliefs sets you off.
14. You cling to the past.
You can’t have a conversation without venting your anger and resentment about your ex, for example. Your friends try to support you after a breakup, but your bitterness is oppressing and exhausting. You need to get rid of your venom before your friends divorce you.
15. You don’t take responsibility.
You drink too much and minimize your foolish behavior. You’re deceptive and you manipulate the truth to fulfill your needs. You don’t apologize for an unkind remark or hurtful behavior, and you act as if nothing happened and wait for them to get over their hurt feelings.
16. You're thoughtless.
You never acknowledge your friends' birthdays or special times with a greeting card or happy gift. You don't check up on your friend during her time of sorrow or help her out during an illness (like taking her out for dinner, walking her dog, or picking up her prescription).
17. You complain a lot.
Constantly complaining is a major reason why your friends don't like you.
While it's natural to share your frustrations and seek support, going on and on creates a negative atmosphere and drains the energy of those around you. Your friends are hesitant to spend time with you because they constantly feel burdened by your complaints.
18. You're critical.
When you're incredibly critical of your friends, it strains your relationship and makes it hard for them to feel comfortable around you. You're constantly pointing out flaws, criticizing their choices, or expressing your disapproval in a very rude way.
While it's okay to provide constructive feedback, you don't choose your words carefully, nor do you approach criticism with empathy and respect.
19. You're needy.
Friendships thrive on mutual support and give-and-take; however, you constantly rely on your friends for emotional validation, attention, and reassurance. You're incredibly clingy, and make your friends feel suffocated and overwhelmed, leading them to pull away.
20. You put others down.
You belittle your friends by engaging in constant criticism, mockery, or sarcastic remarks, creating a toxic environment lacking trust and respect. Rather than lift your friends up with encouragement and celebrating each other's successes, you never have anything positive to say.
21. You enjoy showing off.
It's natural to feel proud of your accomplishments, but constantly boasting or flaunting your achievements alienates your friends. You lack humility and authenticity and make others feel inadequate or overshadowed.
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Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.
This article was originally published at Know It All Nancy. Reprinted with permission from the author.