7 Rare Qualities That Make Someone Instantly More Likable When They Talk, According To Psychology
These uncommon qualities will make people sit straight up and listen.
cottonbro studio | Pexels I have struggled to get people to listen to me or read my writing for many years. As I wrote more and came out of my shell, certain things I changed in my approach led to positive responses.
Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person who people naturally want to listen to than if you try to win people over by making choices you think will make them like you.
Here are the rare qualities that make someone instantly more likable when they talk:
1. They're specific
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Sweeping descriptions and vague concepts are like speaking in mumbles. People can’t see textures, and they want them.
Be specific; use clear examples; add color, sound, and touch. This amplifies the user experience.
Studies suggest that showing genuine interest, empathy, and positive behavior can significantly increase someone's likability. This includes paying attention, offering positive feedback, and understanding others' beliefs or experiences.
2. They're courageous
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Ultimately, the best communicators are willing to go places few have the guts to. Say what few are saying.
Turn up the heat. Call out those who need calling out. Don’t be needlessly offensive or crude; say what needs to be said in the right context. Courageous leaders build the most loyal following.
3. They're repetitive — but not annoyingly
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Phrases, mottos, or ideas repeated at the right moments will add power to your communication. Repetition demonstrates belief in what you’re saying, and people will get behind this confidence.
I sometimes even rewrite essential sentences in a text. This also applies to you showing up to communicate your ideas to the world, day after day. As someone once said: ‘Repetition is persuasion.’
Repeating oneself, particularly echoing a partner's words, can increase likability, comfort, and social connection, sometimes called the 'echo effect.' This effect likely stems from the mere exposure effect, where repeated exposure to something, like a person's words, increases familiarity and, consequently, liking. Additionally, a 2015 study explained that repetition can create a feeling of trust and reliability, as repeated information is often perceived as more truthful.
4. They're vulnerable
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If you come across as too perfect or one-dimensional, people lose interest. Tell us your little struggles, and you will open up a part of you that is human.
People will open up to you, too. But don’t use a vague idea to skirt the discomfort of vulnerability. Be specific.
Research confirmed that vulnerability can enhance likability because it fosters authenticity, builds trust, and allows for stronger emotional connections. When individuals show their true selves, including weaknesses and imperfections, they often evoke a sense of relatability and empathy, making them more appealing to others.
5. They're inspiring
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People are looking to be inspired by what others have done successfully. This is why movies and stories told well are so successful.
They feature a relatable character overcoming obstacles in pursuit of their goal and the change they experienced. Communicate these things, and people will hang on your every word.
Showcasing personal transformation, whether through self-improvement or overcoming challenges, can increase likability. People are generally drawn to individuals who demonstrate growth, resilience, and authenticity. A 2010 study concluded that sharing a transformative journey can foster connection, inspire others, and highlight positive qualities.
6. They say what they mean
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The best communicators often say things they don’t 100% know are true. But they amass loyal fans because they say everything like they know it’s true.
It’s not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference. Good communication is about demonstrating unwavering belief. If that’s absent, why would anyone trust you and take action in response to what you say?
7. They speak with confident posture
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How uptight you are physically will have a very close bearing on the quality of your words, whether through writing or speaking. Few get this.
Research suggests that posture, including how shoulders are held, can influence how others perceive us. Tight shoulders can indicate tension, nervousness, or a lack of confidence, while relaxed, loose shoulders can project a more open, approachable, and confident demeanor.
We can inadvertently block our creative flow because we are wound up tighter than a tin toy truck. Take a breath, let go, lean into the uncertainty, and you’ll connect with a deeper intelligence. This will make people sit up and listen.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
