The One Question Women Should Always Say 'No' To When Men Ask, According To Experts
"Will you...?" No! Exercise your boundaries if he ever asks this.
ThomasVogel, halfbottle | Canva You have to draw at least one line in the sand before you can draw a heart.
As much as we love to love all the love we can, we also have to practice defining and enforcing safe boundaries, especially when it comes to dating, romance, and intimate relationships.
When you say "No" to his request, you send clear messages about your boundaries, as well as your expectations from a fellow human being.
Let's be totally transparent and honest: if you say "no" and he pushes for a "yes", this is a critical warning sign of a relationship road wrought with ruts.
On the positive path, when he takes your "no" for what it means, he says a lot from his acceptance of your boundary. He shows respect for you as a fellow human being who is trying their best to make the most of all the potential awkwardness of socializing.
Here, three Yourtango experts reveal the one question women should always say 'no' to when men ask them:
1. "You have strong beliefs against this, but will you do it for me?"
Women should say no when men ask them to - or pressure them to - override their core values so they can get what they want. A man who truly respects a woman will also respect the core boundaries and limits she expresses. To do this, it's important for women to have a clear sense of their "bottom lines" in relationships ahead of time. And it's important to do a gut-check before responding to any requests, because if her intuition tells her that saying yes would betray one of her core values, she should listen to this feeling.
— Susanna Guarino, LMHC
2. "Can I move in with you?"
It may seem romantic at first, but often it's manipulative and self-serving on his part. He is pressuring her to make a decision she wasn't ready for. She may deeply regret saying yes, particularly if she later realizes he's there for the wrong reasons, such as social status, free rent, emotional control, etc.
— Gloria Brame, sex therapist and sexologist
3. "Can we be friends?"
I take asks of "Can we be friends?" as threats. It might be just me.
It’s often the undisclosed expectations that get me, the likelihood that the other person’s (a man’s) idea of "friends" is vastly different than mine. I could imagine this man’s idea of being "friends" as something akin to me crying into a wine glass and him being ready to comfort me with his mouth and tongue.
I didn’t want or need that kind of "friend" when I have actual friends who have never treated my vulnerability like a cracked door they could wedge the rest of the way open.
— Tara Blair Ball, certified relationship coach
When you choose to exercise healthy boundaries with the men in your life, you can only be assured you are doing yourself a great service.
We are all looking for love, comfort, and happiness. and saying "no" is one way to make sure we can more easily achieve that collective goal.
Will Curtis is an associate editor at Yourtango.