11 Psychological Reasons Even 'Normal' Women Love Talking To Murderers In Prison
Why it's not just troubled or deviant women reaching out to horrible men.
Brian Wangenheim | Unsplash The extremely bad guys, like serial killers and mass murderers, can be fascinating when we are listening to podcasts or reading about them in books. In fact, research conducted by Pew determined that 34% of podcast listeners enjoy the true crime genre. Yet, when we learn a woman has corresponded with a murderer or has become romantically drawn to a serial killer, we question her choices, lifestyle, and upbringing.
Did she grow up with a father in the home? Did she have a dysfunctional childhood? Is she self-destructive and self-loathing? We are quick to find fault and blame. It's hard for most people to understand the romantic attraction to a dangerous person like a serial killer. We have all had our share of bad relationships, but how can a person be so drawn to someone capable of taking the life of another?
Here are psychological reasons a woman might love talking to a murderer
1. They have a fascination or attraction to the murderer’s media attention
Many serial killers — especially those who have committed violent crimes that have received high media attention — tend to attract the attention of women. Experts believe some women's motives may include the desire for fame, by proxy or association.
2. They believe they can rehabilitate the killer and 'tame the savage beast'
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Many mental health professionals believe that women who love talking to and engaging with serial killers and murderers are fulfilling an unmet need, as suggested in 2010 research. Some theorize these women feel they can "tame the savage beast," or see beyond the exterior to a person who's just a product of their environment.
3. They see the innocent child that the killer once was
Joyce Mitchell, a prison employee, helped two convicted murderers, Richard Matt and David Sweat, escape the prison where she worked. Mitchell insisted there was "more to the men than their convictions" and that they weren’t monsters.
She also informed officials, when they learned of her involvement in Matt and Sweat’s escape, that Matt "made her feel special" — he made her feel like no one else had. According to Mitchell, Matt wasn’t the cold-blooded murderer he was portrayed to be in the media.
4. They can trust the murderer not to cheat, as they know where they are at all times
Oscar Ray Bolin Jr., a serial killer convicted of raping and murdering three young women in separate incidents in the Tampa Bay area in 1986, married his public defender Rosalie Martinez.
Martinez was once married to an attorney and had four children. However, after she met Bolin, who was on death row in 1995, she left her husband for him. Martinez and Bolin married that same year, over the phone.
According to Martinez, Bolin was not a killer, but a man struggling with loneliness and isolation. Martinez felt the "spark" between her and Bolin during their initial meeting as he left her "breathless."
Martinez believed so much in Bolin’s innocence that she decided to dedicate her life to fighting "injustices" and bringing awareness to innocent people being incarcerated for crimes they didn't commit.
5. They don't have the demands of a traditional relationship
There's no checking in or accountability when your partner is in prison.
Ted Bundy, an American serial killer and rapist, was one of the most notorious criminals of the late 20th century, known to have killed at least 36 women in the 1970s. Considering the heinous crimes he committed against women, one would assume that women would be scared of him, or at least not inclined to be attracted to him.
You would be wrong.
Carol Ann Boone became Ted Bundy’s girlfriend while he went through his legal proceedings in Florida. She took every opportunity to describe how he was being "unfairly railroaded." Although Bundy was convicted of the murders, Boone maintained her stance of his innocence. Boone testified on his behalf during the trial and married him after he had been found guilty of the charges.
They exploited an old law and married in the courtroom, just before he received a death sentence. Boone had a child with Bundy, but eventually moved away.
6. They have a fanaticism or infatuation with killers
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Everyone is a fan of something or someone that fascinates us. But sometimes, it's taken to the next level. Just like people who claim to be in love with certain celebrities, some people "fall in love" with serial killers.
7. They have low self-esteem
Women who are drawn to murder typically struggle with low self-esteem and self-doubt. There's a need to be "seen" and acknowledged when there are fears or suspicions of being "unseen," not good enough, or unworthy.
Some theorists suggest the attraction to notorious serial killers offers some women the thrill of fame, as explored by a 2011 study. And there's also the aspect of being attracted to danger and the "bad boy."
8. They have difficulty finding and securing love in typical ways
Some women are driven by strong unconscious forces to fix or save a criminal from their flaws, due to an unconscious way of dealing with childhood emotional wounds within themselves.
9. They are love-avoidant or intimately challenged
Because they can't fulfill certain needs in a relationship, they choose to seek romantic relationships that cannot be consummated. Restrictions of physical contact in prison seem to unintentionally contribute to an even more intense previously unmet intimacy.
10. They believe their love can transform the murderer
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From aggressive, cruel, and cunning, they'll become caring and passionate.
Women who find themselves falling in love with a murderer often make significant sacrifices. They put money in their commissary, write multiple letters professing their love, and, sometimes, sit for hours every week to await the brief face-to-face visit in prison. They may even sacrifice their careers, families, friends, or current romantic relationships to be near who they perceive to be their "soulmate".
11. They are attracted to or stimulated by dangerous individuals
This is called hybristophilia. And the offender doesn't need to be physically attractive to land a potential mate.
For example, Henry Lee Lucas, the one-eyed drifter who confessed to hundreds of murders across the nation but later recanted, had several female admirers after his conviction. Despite his supposed sexual relationship with drifter Ottis Toole, he was still compelling as a mate.
One married woman even devised a plot to free him by posing as his supposedly murdered former girlfriend — a girl that Lucas had confessed to strangling and cutting into pieces.
Whatever the psychological dynamic, the most dangerous men in a prison, if also media-genic, will likely draw women who hope to become their mate or partner.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.
