3 Phrases Brilliant People Use To Professionally Say ‘Stop Complaining’
Sometimes enough is enough.
UpFilms | Shutterstock Workplace communications are a lot like a minefield. One wrong word and you're suddenly in an HR meeting explaining why Joan from accounting thinks you dislike her. So what exactly do you do when you need to put someone in their place without causing drama? The most brilliant communicators can feel these situations out and are always prepared with everything from the right words to the proper tone, and that's especially true when dealing with a co-worker who spends a good portion of their day bothering you about their endless list of complaints.
Despite the long hours spent together and the camaraderie forged from the sheer stress of the workplace, there's a very fine line between colleagues and friends. That's a roundabout way of saying you have to be very careful when sharing at work, even if it's done in a professional capacity. A communication expert and lawyer named Vince explained that the most brilliant people can weave these three phrases into their professional conversations to basically tell others that they've had enough of their complaining, without causing any strife.
The 3 phrases brilliant people use to professionally tell others to 'stop complaining'
1. 'What solutions have you already tried?'
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This one goes straight to the point. It makes it clear to the speaker that you do care about their issues, but that you're trying to see them from a problem-solving perspective. By putting the onus back on the complainer, you give them control over their problems. Sometimes it's just that simple shift in perspective that can give a person the push they need to be more action-oriented instead of angry.
It's essential to put a limit on complaining because it can push people away. According to William Berry, a psychotherapist, complaining can reinforce someone's ego at the expense of others. "When someone is viewed as a chronic complainer," he wrote, "other people may not engage." In other words, helping someone set limits on their complaining can actually benefit them.
2. 'Let's shift to what we actually can control.'
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Saying this to someone who's complaining about an issue outside of their control can go a long way. It's possible they don’t even realize that the problems they're facing aren’t theirs to fix.
For instance, let’s say you and your friend are sitting in traffic. For some reason, the traffic is really bad, and you’re just stuck waiting. Imagine that friend keeps complaining the whole time: “This is taking so long. I hate this. When will these cars move?” they might say. But is the issue in their control? Can they change the traffic? No. So if you told them this, they might realize that complaining about the traffic isn’t worth it, making the time easier for both of you.
3. 'I hear the problem. What's the next step?'
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Pairing the first sentence with the follow-up question is an amazing way to change the conversation. First, you make it clear that you hear them. The issue is understood, and there is no need to keep complaining. Next, you ask them how they can move on from there. This lets them know you are available to help, but only if the help offers a progressive solution.
Showing signs that you are an active listener is essential, according to psychologist Dr. Jeremy Sutton. He explained that active listening is not only paying attention to and understanding what someone is saying, but also illustrating that comprehension. When you validate someone and say, "I understand the issue," and then follow up with a question about solutions, you are on a good path to get them to stop complaining without hurting them.
There's nothing wrong with a good vent session at work. We all need them time and again. It's a way to let off steam and find common ground with co-workers. But if those vent sessions become constant, morale can take a hit, and that doesn't help anyone. Work is hard enough, already.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
