If A Person Has These 8 Secure Habits, They're Usually Stronger Than Most People Realize

It can be hard to feel totally secure with ourselves, especially when we're making decisions and engaging in habits that do us more harm than good, but there are ways to combat this. Have you ever noticed how the people who seem the most secure are usually the ones who have taken the time to build a steady relationship with themselves? 

The most secure people cultivate habits that purposefully build the inner strength to handle any setbacks they might encounter. Brittney Cobb-Farmer, also known as @ablackfemaletherapist across social media, broke down 8 ways people can gradually build trust with themselves.

If a person has these 8 secure habits, they're usually stronger than most people realize:

1. They track the small wins

Often, we overlook the smaller things we accomplish and only notice our shortcomings. However, focusing on our small wins can help us grow by allowing us to be proud of ourselves and recognize the times we act in ways that align with our true selves.

People who feel that they are living well are the ones who make the space to celebrate these moments. "You know you're living well when ordinary things start to make you genuinely happy, like slow mornings and the little rituals, like drinking coffee before anyone else is up, that give your days rhythm and meaning," explained life coach Lisa Petsinis.

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2. They learn to sit with discomfort

Discomfort isn't exactly a good feeling, so it's natural to want to run away from it, but it's sitting with it and allowing it to take up space that helps you grow. You need to process what is unsettling you without immediately trying to fix it.

Dr. Muireann Irish, a senior research officer at Neuroscience Research Australia, explained, "Mindfulness builds on the premise of maintaining a focus on experiencing the present, even if that means attending to the experience of negative sensations." 

While this might sound unpleasant, Dr. Irish stressed how sitting in the discomfort can change your brain's wiring and actually make you less impulsive. That translates to better decision-making, especially in the face of adversity.

3. Secure people make small, everyday commitments to themselves

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Sometimes, we set large, seemingly impossible goals for ourselves and inevitably abandon them before we even try. That's why resolutions never seem to last. That's where setting small goals comes in handy. When you set small goals for yourself that are attainable, you set yourself up for success.

Divorce coach Jennifer Warren Medwin believes that the words you use to describe your goals matter more than anything: "When you said 'I commit,' you make a pledge that obligates you to a certain course of action," she explained. "Then, you can slowly increase your goals, and because of the trust you're building, it will become easier to meet more challenging goals."

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4. They recognize patterns of self-betrayal

Each of us has values we follow and needs that have to be met, but sometimes, we sacrifice our values and needs because we're self-sabotaging or putting others before ourselves. "Don't sit back and let others steer the direction of your life because you feel everyone else knows better than you, deferring to them rather than taking control of your own choices," therapist Nancy Carbone explained.

While it may be difficult, it's important to recognize these patterns of self-sabotage. Ask yourself why you took that action, how it made you feel, and what feelings are contributing to the consistent pattern of behavior that is negatively affecting you.

5. They reconnect with past success

It's easy to forget all the things we've been through and all the success we've had in the past when we face new challenges. But remembering that you've made it through tough times before will help you face whatever it is that stands in front of you.

Cobb-Farmer said, "Reflect on how those moments turned out and how they shaped your life. This reminds you of your capacity to trust yourself and make sound decisions."

6. Secure people listen to what their body tells them

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You may have noticed it before: your heart beats faster when you're nervous, or your stomach feels queasy when you're anxious. Your body sends out signals to you regarding your feelings, and learning to listen to these signals will benefit you greatly. 

7. They revisit their decisions without judgment

Life becomes easier when you stop treating yourself like the enemy.  It's understandable to be upset with decisions you've made in the past; we've all done things we're not proud of at one point or another, but beating yourself up about decisions you've made isn't going to help. Instead, reflect on why you took that action and what you can learn from the experience in the future.

8. They learn how to validate themselves

When we experience new feelings after something that has happened to us or when we make a decision, it may be tempting to run off to a friend and immediately tell them what's going on. But practicing self-validation means sitting with our own feelings and processing them without external opinions.

Doing so can help you become more independent in the future and not rely on others so much for guidance. Cobb-Farmer stressed, "This can strengthen your internal compass and help reduce reliance on outside validation for making decisions."

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Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.