People With Zero Accountability & Integrity Usually Do 5 Things Casually In Everyday Life
eldar nurkovic | Shutterstock There are specific traits associated with people who take zero responsibility for their own actions. I've met plenty of people who lack integrity who believe they are victims of their own behavior; I'm sure we all have.
One man who told me, "I lost my temper with my assistant, and now she is suing me. But I just can't seem to help getting mad when people mess up." People who blame everyone else usually won't listen to reason, and they generally won't see that their rudeness doesn't work, no matter how often their behavior backfires and causes problems.
People with zero accountability and integrity usually do these things casually in everyday life:
1. They believe in a life they control
People with zero integrity believe they can have control over others with anger or blame, and controlling other people will get them what they want.
A study in the Communication Monographs Journal suggests that while sometimes they might be able to intimidate or guilt a person into doing what they want, they can never have control over how a person thinks and feels. At some point, even if a person complies out of fear or guilt, it may backfire on them.
2. People like this connect through conflict
They want to connect with someone, such as a partner, but they don't want to connect through true openness, as they are fearful of being seen and rejected.
Connecting through a fight or argument seems like a safe way to connect. If the other person engages in an argument or fight, then they get the connection they want, but if the other person disengages, then they may be left feeling even more lonely and helpless.
3. People with zero accountability often have low self-esteem
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They are terrified of rejection and engulfment. They fear being alone. They feel insecure and powerless, and getting angry and blaming makes them feel more powerful. The problem is that true power comes from power over self, not power over others.
While having control over another might feel good at the moment, since true self-esteem comes from power within, controlling behavior over others never ultimately leads to feeling safe or secure. It leads to more fear and insecurity when others respond by distancing themselves, resenting, resisting, or rejecting, and leaving.
4. They fear vulnerability
People with very little integrity are terrified of their more vulnerable feelings: helplessness over others, loneliness, aloneness, emptiness, fear, insecurity, or anxiety. Anger and blame work to cover up these feelings. They have no idea how to manage their pain, so they have learned to get angry and blame others to avoid these feelings.
The problem is that getting angry and blaming are forms of self-abandonment. While they might believe it is others, situations, events, or the past creating their pain, it is the fact that they are ignoring their feelings rather than taking responsibility that is causing their painful feelings. Until they learn how to take responsibility for their feelings, they might continue to cover the feelings up with anger and blame.
5. They believe their pain is always caused by others
People with almost no accountability believe their pain is caused by others rather than by their self-abandonment, so they feel justified in blaming others for their feelings.
As long as they believe their painful feelings of anger, fear, hurt, anxiety, depression, guilt, or shame are caused by something outside themselves rather than by their thoughts and actions, they will see themselves as a victim and need to try to control others.
Learning to take 100% responsibility for our feelings is the key to moving beyond anger and blame. Learning and practicing how to process our emotions, even the most difficult ones, is a powerful way to take accountability for our feelings and be a person of true integrity.
Dr. Margaret Paul is a PhD psychologist, relationship expert, and best-selling author, best known as the co-creator of Inner Bonding, a six-step self-healing practice designed to help individuals move past self-judgment, heal emotional pain, and build loving relationships with themselves.
