5 Daily Habits Of People Who Rarely Lose Their Cool, According To Psychology
Emotional regulation looks good on you.
Seth Doyle | Unsplash Very few things have the power to make me angry. In fact, I so rarely get angry that I physically feel the effects of anger for almost 24 hours after, much like a bad hangover. I suspect this is related to another trait of mine: nearly non-existent neuroticism. Neuroticism is a fundamental personality trait, and individuals can be low in it. Researchers explained that this means they are more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress.
Someone asked on Twitter if I ever get afraid, and another person who saw me post my Big Five personality test results responded, “He is several standard deviations below the average in neuroticism. He legitimately doesn’t experience negative emotions like the rest of us.” That made me laugh and feel invincible, but this isn’t about me. It’s about me teaching you how to get ice water flowing through your veins without going full Buddha and seeking detachment.
Here are 5 daily habits of people who rarely lose their cool:
1. They practice gratitude — even when things go wrong
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This is the number one reason why I don’t get emotionally perturbed. I’ve been to the bottom several times in my life. I’m grateful to be alive and still here despite that. I was born with almost every statistical disadvantage against me, yet I’m still here and flourishing.
It’s impossible for me to have a bad day because I know how bad the days can truly be. This gratitude allows me to always and immediately ask myself, “Could it be worse?” If I’m not in prison or dead, the answer is always “Yes!”
Many people understand the mindset shift, but not the discipline of the practice. Whenever something happens to you, good or bad, train yourself to immediately ask if it could be worse. If you have your health and freedom, you have the ability to improve any situation.
2. They believe they can improve anything with effort
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I used to have a fixed mindset. A lot of my woes in childhood come back to the idea that if I wasn’t good at it, there was no hope for me to ever be better at it. It wasn’t until I started playing sports that I began to see that it’s possible to improve your abilities beyond what you first started with.
With a growth mindset, you believe that you can, with enough effort and time, learn and do anything.
Obviously, there are genetic limitations that will keep many from becoming the best at something, but it’s not necessary to be the best at anything; only to be the best version that you can be.
As a result of my growth mindset, I don’t believe that anything is out of my grasp. All I have to do is practice. This means that there is no reason for me to ever feel discouraged, envious, or limited. I can have or be almost anything.
A growth mindset fosters a belief that setbacks are temporary and can be overcome with effort and persistence. Clinical psychologist Nick Wignall explains that this belief can help individuals maintain a calm and collected attitude even when encountering difficulties, as they are more likely to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning rather than as indicators of personal failure.
3. They treat patience as a strength, not a sacrifice
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Patience is refined confidence. One cool thing about being a late bloomer in life is that you learn to appreciate the power of time. Bad things happen quickly. Good things tend to take a while.
When you understand this, you feel confident when something takes time to develop. In fact, you come to completely distrust anything that comes quickly and easily.
One reason that people get angry is because things don’t happen quickly enough. Many people tell me they feel anxious when they think something is about to happen.
I look at time gaps between actions to be an opportunity for rest, relaxation, recharge, and planning my next move. Most importantly, I know that the more time I have, the better I can prepare for anything — expected or unexpected.
In this way, I’ve taken something that gives many people a negative experience and turned it into one of my greatest strengths.
4. They find joy in the smallest things, every day
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This is related to gratitude, but on a micro-scale. I’m happy for my pets the same way I am for the people I love.
I’m happy that I can have a fresh cup of coffee, the same way I’m happy for a home-cooked holiday meal. I feel the same level of happiness when I can help a kid understand math that I feel when I learn a new skill myself.
To me, all things make my life happy. Not only do all things make my life happy, but they all do so equally.
I do not say this for exaggeration, hyperbole, or poetic effect. I feel overwhelming happiness for all things in my life.
I don’t feel sad or depressed when things leave me. I simply shift my focus to something else wonderful about my life. Since I’m always building with my growth-based mindset and I’m patient enough to wait for good things to happen, I have plenty to be happy about.
Studies have shown that practicing gratitude can reduce stress levels and promote relaxation, which can make it easier to stay calm and composed in stressful situations. Expressing appreciation for others can strengthen social bonds and foster positive interactions, which can contribute to a more supportive social environment.
5. They center their values on what actually lasts
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I saved the most important for last. I don’t value material things. This is not to say that I don’t think material things are nice to have, but they are fleeting. They degrade, decompose, and can be destroyed. They carry no memories and can be transferred to anyone at any time. You may get angry when you lose them and much violence can be traced back to people fighting over things.
I have my beef with minimalism (which I’m realizing is more semantics than anything else), but one thing they absolutely get right is that "stuff" doesn’t equal happiness. So, what will make you happy? It’s not the absence of material objects that will make you happy; that’s just focusing your energy on things that absorb your energy but are not such fragile containers of it. I focus on experiences, good food, conversation, connection, making a difference, and my craft. That list was in no particular order, but all items have one thing in common: they depend on your frame of reference and actions.
Even good food, which requires money, is only good because of the experience that goes along with it and the people I share the meal with. That delicious meal is more enjoyable when you share it with people you care about, regardless of its price or the ambiance of the place you dine in.
At the end of the day, all you’re left with is your memories and the memories people have of you — and even then, those will eventually fade. Try to make them worthwhile. I never get angry or worried because I try to keep control over all aspects of my life. The ones I can’t, I don’t worry about. I’m happy about everything because everything teaches me a lesson. I’m happy for everything because everything is a part of life.
Ed Latimore is a retired American professional boxer, influencer, and best-selling author. His work focuses on self-improvement and a practical approach to stoic philosophy.
