People Who Always Need To Have The Last Word Usually Had These 11 Childhood Experiences
Needing to have the last word in all conversations is often a learned behavior.
Vovatol / Shutterstock I had a friend who would never allow someone to walk away from them during an argument. They also would not allow people to ghost them. They had to have the last word every single time, and for the longest time, I never understood it.
As it turns out, my friend had a lot of traumas that made her demand others’ attention. That desire to get that last word in? It’s a learned behavior that stems from childhood experience. If you know someone like this, they likely had one of these experiences below…
People who always need to have the last word usually had these 11 childhood experiences
1. They were the middle child or the forgotten child
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A deep desire to have the last word often comes from a sense of not being heard or not being paid attention to. Also known as having “middle child syndrome” when it’s a TV trope, people who grew up overlooked often will go to great lengths to make sure people know they’re there.
People don’t realize it, but even the type of overlooking that happens with middle children can affect a person deeply over the years.
2. Competition was a way of life for their family
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At the end of the day, wanting to have “the final word” on something often stems from being very competitive. For one reason or another, their parents or siblings made a point of winning everything.
In some families, winning and competition are everything. It doesn’t just stop at sports teams or great grades, either. People who grew up in pathologically competitive homes often can’t handle losing arguments or debates. They see it as a mark against them.
3. Their parents may have been emotionally abusive
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When a person insists on having the last word, it’s a sign that the person in question has what psychologists call a “fragmented sense of self.” In other words, they grew up in a household that undermined their confidence to the point that it permanently altered the way they see themselves.
Their demand to have the last word and always be correct is their way of trying to make themselves feel better. Sadly, it’s also a sign that they haven’t healed from the abuse they suffered earlier on.
4. People may have assumed the worst about them
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As I pointed out before, this behavior comes from a lack of confidence, often due to others’ treatment of them. If the person you’re dealing with does this in a polite, over-explaining manner, they may be doing it subconsciously.
People who were constantly treated as foolish, stupid, or unreliable often start explaining themselves instinctively. They’re trying to convince you they’re right because they need reassurance that you still understand them, find them intelligent, or value their opinions.
5. They may have been bullied without any recourse
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People often underestimate the long-term impact of bullying on a person's life into adulthood. Many people who are bullied eventually stand up to the bullies, which gives them closure. Some also have others step in on their behalf, such as teachers, other students, or even a parent figure.
People who were bullied without ever getting a form of protection or help often have emotional scars that carry into adulthood. They may start to believe they have to be the bully to avoid being harmed themselves. This is one of the ways it happens.
6. Others may have taken advantage of them
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Perhaps this is just my own experience, but I’ve met many people who were taken advantage of by others who appeared to care about them. They were “caring” until the opinion didn’t match what they wanted to hear. Then, they got steamrolled into situations they didn’t want to be in.
People who regularly find themselves in that situation often end up becoming insanely stubborn, even with the smallest issues. It’s their way of protecting themselves from “caring vultures” like the ones they grew up with. It’s how they take back control.
7. In many social scenes, they were the odd ones out
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Sometimes, the reason why people insist on always being right has to do with the way they were treated. If they were regularly overlooked, left out of friends’ events, or otherwise treated as a “Grade B Friend,” they could have issues dealing with feeling ignored or neglected.
As adults, they are still chasing the feeling of acceptance that they never received as kids. It can come out in a variety of ways, including cries for attention that look like insisting on being the one with the last word.
8. They may come from a strict, controlling background
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While researching the reasons why people seem to need the last word, I noticed something interesting. Many of the articles that discussed traits of people who demand to win every article mentioned they have issues with control and insecurity—both traits that tend to come from having controlling parents.
When you live with a family that controls your every move, you start to find other ways to get control of your life. Sometimes, this can come in the form of eating disorders. Other times, it makes you demand a win in all arguments.
9. No one really taught them how to communicate well
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Here’s the other thing that comes with being a person who demands the last word: they generally got that way because no one ever taught them how to communicate well. Much of what they’re doing is a mad grab for understanding and recognition.
This is also why walking away from the conversation tends to infuriate people with this trait. You’re making them feel even less heard than they already do.
10. Some may have been conditioned to fear silence
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Did you ever grow up in a family where “no news is bad news?” If you’re the type of person who tries to avoid the silence that comes with the last word, then it’s likely that you’ve been in a lot of situations where silence was far from golden.
A person who dealt with this often noticed silence before they were excluded from family outings, silence before a divorce, or silence because they were already being talked poorly about.
11. They were punished for apologizing
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Finally, let’s talk about a rare situation that still sometimes happens. Certain people view apologies as a way of admitting fault. This is often something drilled into them by family members or well-meaning coaches.
If you were punished for apologizing, then getting the last word in was your way of survival. Unfortunately, this trait can kill off many budding relationships, and that’s something that too many people hear too late.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
