People Who Use Self-Care To Avoid Real Life Almost Always Do These 5 Things
Hector O Connor | Unsplash Self-care is good for you, but self-care and self-indulgence are two different things. Oftentimes, the two seem to be getting mixed up on social media. Self-care isn’t just about taking care of your skin and body. It’s really about your emotional and mental well-being.
Self-care is making sure that you're aware of what’s going on inside your body. It doesn’t matter how perfect your skincare routine is or how toned your body is if you’re struggling with stress or depression. Even repeatedly binge-watching Netflix isn’t true self-care if you’re using it as an emotional distraction from your real life.
Moderation is key when it comes to self-care. Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing really quickly. It’s important that whatever you’re doing in the name of self-care is actually meeting an emotional, physical, mental, or relational need. The whole point of self-care is to implement habits that improve your life. To make sure you’re caring for yourself the right way, check out these signs of bad self-care habits.
People who use self-care to avoid real life almost always do these 5 things:
1. They become obsessed with certain routines
Having a skincare routine is definitely a part of self-care. I find my skincare routine to be quite therapeutic, and I absolutely love it. You need to love and appreciate the skin you’re in because it’s yours. There’s nothing wrong with wanting flawless skin, as long as it doesn’t consume your life.
Skincare only becomes a problem when that’s all you focus on. If it causes you to neglect other areas in your life, you need to reevaluate your priorities. Yes, your skin is important, but when you look at your needs, you might find that it isn’t the highest on your list. Self-care is about more than putting on face masks; it’s internal. It’s about truly investing in yourself.
2. They use self-care as an excuse to bail on plans
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There’s a difference between prioritizing yourself and being completely selfish. We all need to take the time to put ourselves first. How can we treat others the way they should be treated if we don’t even care for ourselves? It is not selfish to put yourself first from time to time. We all need that time to feel special.
Toxic self-care would be taking 'me time' at the expense of others. Repeatedly flaking on plans without giving a heads up is just selfish. It shows that you don’t value other people’s time.
I totally get not feeling in the mood to socialize. I’ve been there. But it’s nice to let others know you won’t be attending and even reschedule another hangout for a later date. If you don’t want to go somewhere don’t have to, but you should always let the people around you know. If you don’t, it can potentially cause a rift in your friendships.
Research from Michigan State University found that being canceled on by a best friend was more upsetting than being canceled on by a merely good friend or a casual acquaintance because it more clearly violates the norms of friendship and could resemble a form of social rejection. Almost 60% of participants stated that they would like advance notice about the cancellation and would prefer a quick text or call.
3. They cut people out of their lives too quickly
Communication skills are vital in all aspects of life. Our ability to communicate can be the determining factor of the success or failure of our relationships in life, both personal and professional. We communicate to inform others and to allow our perspectives to be heard. Sometimes things can be lost in translation or misinterpreted, so miscommunication isn’t uncommon.
Characteristics of toxic self-care would be foregoing trying to reach out to others because cutting them off is easier. This is one of those times when self-care requires you to take the route less traveled.
We need to be able to communicate with one another. I’m not saying you can’t cut people off; you totally can. Just make sure you talk to them about the situation before you lose someone you once cared for no reason.
The problem is that the lack of communication can provoke a sense of uncertainty and ambiguity, given the lack of closure that has occurred. Research published in 2025 found that people who were ghosted reported ongoing emotional attachment to those who were explicitly rejected more straightforwardly.
4. They indulge in unhealthy self-care
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Toxic self-care says it’s okay to eat whatever you want when you want it and do whatever you want when you want to. But a lot of the foods we want and crave are seldom good for us. That type of lifestyle can be detrimental to your health by raising your likelihood of suffering from diet-based illnesses. If you add not working out to the mix, you are doing yourself a huge disservice as well. Exercise — believe it or not — releases endorphins which make us happier.
The comfort in comfort food is mostly a myth. Research shows that negative emotions, such as stress, have been reported to trigger emotional eating by increasing ghrelin levels. Ghrelin is a stomach peptide that signals hunger and modulates the brain's reward center, which promotes the selection of rewarding comfort foods that are usually calorie-dense, unhealthy foods.
Practicing positive self-care can actually be hard sometimes. Caring for yourself properly is about doing what you need to do, not want to do. So don’t give in to your junk food cravings every day. Just remember, moderation is key when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle.
5. They spend frivolously
Self-care is not bankrupting yourself. It's about caring for both your present and future self. To do that, you need a budget to sustain yourself. Start by avoiding unnecessary purchases.
You do not need every cute item you see in the store. Focus on buying the things you really can’t live without (water, food, gas, etc) before you spend money on a dress you’re just going to throw in the back of your closet, never to be worn, or a book you’re never going to need.
Honestly, self-care does not require a lot of money to achieve. It’s about budgeting your money. Positive self-care is creating a budget so you can actually afford to buy the products and vacations you want.
The idea that you can spend whatever you want as long as it makes you happy can set you up for financial hardship. Having a lack of financial security will make it that much harder to care for yourself in other much-needed areas.
Tamara Sanon is a writer and editor with a passion for covering health and wellness, relationships, astrology, and lifestyle topics. Her bylines have appeared on Unwritten, NSM Today, and Orlando Weekly, among others.
