People In Their 30s And 40s Say These 6 Mindshifts Help When Money Stress Keeps You Up At Night
mavo | Shutterstock Millennials and Gen-Zers in their 30s and 40s are stressed about money and have a ton of anxiety over personal finance. Why? It’s a product of the world they’ve grown up in. They saw their parents struggle during the Great Recession. They’re constantly exposed to toxic political messaging, and saving money seems impossible.
They’re comparing themselves to peers on social media who seem to have it all but are hiding the credit card debt they incur to finance their glamorous vacations and lifestyles. On top of all that, they’re stuck with an average of $28,650 in student debt. It’s enough to give anyone anxiety around spending, saving, and making money. If you’re struggling, I have good news: I’ve seen firsthand that the following mindshifts can help you reduce your financial anxieties.
People in their 30s and 40s say these 6 shifts help when money stress keeps you up at night:
Mindshift #1: Track what's triggering your 3 a.m. money panic
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The 24-hour news cycle can be overwhelming. If listening to stock market reports during your commute gets you worked up, try listening to a relaxing podcast instead. If talking to your parents always turns into a stressful conversation about paying down your debts, tell them you need them to toss that topic. Learn to identify your own financial stressors and avoid them whenever you can.
Research has found that financial worries are linked to distress, and that pointing out your specific stressors is a key first step in reducing that burden. Once you can actually name what's setting you off, you start to feel less like money stress is just happening to you and more like something you can actually manage.
Mindshift #2: Train yourself to stop treating bills like emergencies
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You can’t always avoid triggers, though, so it’s important to find calming activities that work for you. For some, that might be meditating, practicing yoga, or taking a walk. Others might prefer reading a novel or writing in a journal. If you can find hobbies that leave you feeling more centered and less reactive, you can turn to them both before and after you encounter your triggers to help build immunity to stress over time.
People who completed a mindfulness meditation course had markedly reduced stress-hormone responses to stressful situations, whereas those who took a non-meditation course showed worsened responses. Even a short daily practice can rewire how your body reacts when financial stress hits.
Mindshift #3: Let the people who've been through it help carry the weight
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About 40 million adults deal with anxiety disorders each year — you’re not alone. And you’re not alone in life, either. Reach out to the friends or family members who have your back, who you can talk to without fear of judgment. Oftentimes, you’ll discover things about yourself and process your feelings as you talk with trusted allies, so work to stay connected and foster valuable conversations.
Research from Cornell University found that people who regularly talk about their finances with others experience less financial anxiety over time. This is because putting money worries into words helps organize your thoughts and shifts your mindset from confusion to clarity.
Mindshift #4: Unlearn the money beliefs you've been carrying since childhood
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Clinical psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz explains that money beliefs are created based on our earliest experiences and shape every financial decision we make for the rest of our lives. Your beliefs about money have been brewing since childhood. Something I internalized early was that I should always save for a rainy day. But in my mind, it never rained hard enough to merit using those savings.
Rainy day funds typically contain up to $2,500 and are meant to ease anxiety, but I never permitted myself to use my savings in tough times. When I reframed this message to “Always save for a rainy day, and use that money when it’s raining,” giving myself that permission decreased my anxiety.
Mindshift #5: Find your sense of safety in something debt collectors can't touch
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Money is an important tool. It’s how you pay rent, buy food, and take care of your daily needs. But money isn’t the only form of security. Psychotherapist Joyce Marter says that "true self-worth stems from a deeper connection to our highest and best selves, not possessions."
Consider the talents that would allow you to find another job, your network of professional contacts who can help when times get tough, and the resources you used during your last rough patch. None of those is monetary, but they’re just as valuable as money in the bank.
Mindshift #6: Make spending feel intentional instead of just reactive
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This last piece of advice is critical: You need to build up an emergency fund that would cover your needs for at least three to six months in case of a short-term financial setback. And the only way is to spend less than you earn.
Financial coach Pegi Burdick advises starting with a clear list of what you actually need, then looking at the rest, because "as you stop spending on nonessentials and check them off your list, not only will your debt decrease, but so will your shame, and from there your confidence will increase."
The short-term pain of saving instead of spending will outweigh the long-term pain of being unable to weather a financial storm. Young adults face tremendous societal and monetary pressure. But in my work, I’ve used techniques like these to help clients reduce their anxiety by analyzing their behaviors and ideas about money. Start with these strategies, and you’ll be on your way to a healthier outlook.
David Geller is a money coach, inspiring people to stop using money as a scorecard for security and freedom, and to start using money as one tool of many to create personal fulfillment.
