People Whose Spiritual Identity Is Wildly Out Of Balance Often Show These 7 Early Signs
If someone is off-kilter, it's going to show up everywhere ... often without them even realizing.
yan kolesnyk | Unsplash Our spiritual identity is crucial to how we show up in the world, either grounded and fully present, or wildly out of balance, affecting everyone around us.
In their groundbreaking work with elite athletes and corporate leaders, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz emphasized that managing energy, not time, is the key to high performance, successful outcomes, and personal fulfillment. The Power of Full Engagement, outlines four major sources of energy that must be balanced: emotional connection, physical energy, mental focus, and spiritual alignment.
We are spiritual at our core. This is the foundation for answering life’s deepest questions. Who am I? Why am I here? When our spiritual identity becomes out-of-balance, a few early signs pop up.
7 subtle signs of a person whose spiritual identity is wildly out of balance:
1. Taking things personally
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Do you find yourself reacting defensively, lashing out emotionally, or trying to control outcomes when someone disagrees, criticizes, or doesn’t meet your expectations? Feeling hurt is natural, but when feeling offended leads you to justify judgment or condemnation, it’s a sign you’re taking things personally.
Providing a safe, non-judgmental space gives others the freedom to show their authentic selves, so you can fully see who they are and decide whether to engage, stay, or go.
How to get back on track:
- Ask yourself: ‘Am I making this about me, or am I curious about where they’re coming from?’ When you lead with understanding, you naturally open the door to being understood.
- Pause, take a few mindful breaths, and let your nervous system reset to find your inner calm.
- View challenges, differences, or criticisms as opportunities for growth, not attacks.
- Know your worth is not defined by others’ words and actions, which reflect their beliefs, values, and choices, not yours.
2. Weaponizing spirituality
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Using spiritual language to manipulate, control, or shame others, like saying, “If you were more enlightened, you wouldn’t feel that way,” is a red flag. True spirituality fosters compassion, humility, and understanding; using it as a weapon comes from the need to control.
How to get back on track:
- Notice when you’re using spiritual concepts to assert control or feel superior. Ask: “Am I teaching and guiding, or telling and dominating?”
- Before responding, pause and consider the other person’s perspective.
- Remind yourself that spirituality is a mirror for self-growth, not a tool to judge others.
- Practice meditation focused on compassion (loving-kindness) to dissolve subtle superiority.
3. Over-identification with suffering or enlightenment
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Constantly presenting yourself as the “wounded healer,” or “uniquely awakened,” using spiritual terms to prove your progress, or interrupting people with “I already know or have been there, done that!” signals a spiritual identity that lacks self-awareness.
It reflects attachment to the image of being spiritual rather than truly doing the inner work that evolves your soul. Deep insecurities or past wounds can inflate the ego, driving a need for validation through spirituality.
How to get back on track:
- Instead of thinking “I am more enlightened,” ask, "Where are we similar?" “Where is this person on their path so I can meet them where they are?”
- Examine the hidden motives behind over-identifying with suffering (the ‘poor me’ mindset) or feeling ‘special’ (‘I’m the only one having this experience’); these patterns can distort your perception of reality.
- Regularly performing acts of service without seeking recognition behind the scenes with those you touch when no one is watching reflects your authentic self.
4. Black-and-white thinking about morality or 'the truth'
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Morality is rarely black and white, and truth is often relative to perception. Media and societal narratives can encourage us to fuel separation through a “divide and conquer” mindset.
Labeling people as “good/bad,” or “right/wrong” without nuance or understanding creates division instead of connection. Notice if you feel a need for others to conform to your version of the truth, especially when they become defensive.
How to get back on track:
- Consciously challenge binary thinking “good/bad,” “right/wrong,” and aim for a higher spectrum of truth grounded in shared values.
- Seek experiences and conversations with people whose views differ from yours to see how truth can vary based on perspective.
- “Before labeling, ask: ‘Which of my values is being stepped on?’ rather than ‘What is my position against someone?’”
- Embrace the complexity of reality and situational context. The path is rarely linear, and everyone is at their own stage of growth.
5. Avoidance of personal accountability
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Blaming external forces, cosmic law, or “karma” for personal failures rather than owning your choices signals a lack of integrated responsibility (e.g., “I failed because the universe didn’t align for me” or “It’s their karma”).
Genuine spiritual growth requires self-reflection and accountability. Avoiding responsibility often reflects unreadiness, limited capacity, or lack of awareness. Facing your shadow and emotional triggers is essential; otherwise, inner dissonance gets projected into the outer world, creating all kinds of drama and feeling unbalanced.
How to get back on track:
- Write down one choice you made that resulted in a negative outcome. Own it fully without blame or guilt, but curiosity for how you could have chosen a better outcome.
- Ask “What role did I play here?” and “What lesson is here for me?”
- Recognize mistakes as learning opportunities, not failures.
- Consciously make amends or apologize when you recognize your part in an unwanted situation to practice personal accountability.
6. Bypassing authentic emotions for harmony
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Do you catch yourself saying, “You just need to stay positive,” “Don’t feel anger,” or “I’m in my high vibration,” just to keep the peace? There’s a big difference between authentic emotions, which may feel vulnerable, and emotions rooted in past wounds that keep you stuck in resentment or unforgiveness.
Your true emotions need a safe outlet to be expressed, both to reconnect with your spiritual identity and to cut through the noise of external expectations. Suppressing or avoiding them blocks your spiritual energy, preventing healing, insight, and well-being, and risks settling for a life that isn’t fully yours.
How to get back on track:
- Honor your truth by pausing and checking in with the root of your emotions instead of suppressing or rationalizing them.
- Notice where emotions show up physically and what they could mean spiritually. For example, the knot in your stomach could indicate anxiety or guilt for being out of integrity.
- Allow safe expression through exercise, journaling, breath-work, or creative outlets of drawing, music, or dance.
- Ask: “What is this emotion trying to show me about what matters to me?”
7. Inconsistent integrity
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This shows up when you talk about love, non-judgment, honesty, or freedom, but your private life tells a different story. Inconsistent integrity can be subtle, like cutting corners, justifying actions, or exerting control. Often, our focus on the outer world outweighs attention to the inner world, making outer success feel disconnected from inner joy.
Inner conflict or tension is a telltale sign that things aren’t as they seem. By contrast, when you live in alignment with your highest values, your outer life naturally reflects the abundance, ease, and flow that arise from living from your aligned inner self.
How to get back on track:
- Reflect daily: Where did my actions match or conflict with your values?
- Practice honoring small, honest choices in difficult situations to strengthen integrity.
- Clarify your core values and let them guide decisions, words, and behavior.
- Find a trusted mentor or coach who can gently call you on inconsistencies.
You’ll notice an uptick in signs, synchronicities, opportunities, and experiences that feel joyful and magical, signs that your inner integrity is radiating outward and attracting a life that matches your authentic self.
Final thoughts
The ego isn’t the enemy. It’s an essential part of our personality, helping us navigate fear, uncertainty, and life’s challenges. The problem comes when it’s out of balance, cutting us off from our higher, divine self.
True spiritual alignment shows up as humility, compassion, self-accountability, emotional authenticity, and congruence between words and actions. A balanced ego allows love, cooperation, and trust to guide our choices, while an unbalanced ego defaults to control, manipulation, and fear.
Even the most devoted seekers can fall out of alignment without realizing it. When your spiritual identity is balanced, you experience inner peace, authentic self-expression, and ongoing spiritual growth.
Carolyn Hidalgo is a soul coach who helps clients awaken their souls and work from the inside out to create their ideal life in all areas. She's currently writing her first book.
