People With A Reputation For Being Unlikable Actually Have These 5 Amazing Qualities
They may not win every popularity contest, but so-called 'unlikable' people possess qualities worth emulating.
Tabitha Turner | Unsplash I was 28 before I realized that I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I had a job doing something that I loved, something that helped people. This job nurtured my soul. I was good at the practical parts, but total bollocks at the parts where money and minutia were concerned.
I could recruit people, take care of them, and hold a vision for what would help the most people in the most efficient way possible. Until that point, I legitimately believed that I could mold and morph into a person who was somehow universally loved and accepted.
Holy moly, was I wrong? Not only did I fail to fit the universal love child mold, but I also failed to be a likable person in general. Over the years, it has become crystal clear that I am, in fact, a polarizing person who's often labeled as 'unlikable'. It’s not intentional, and I’m never malicious. It’s just part of who I am. And I’ve accepted it. I even almost like it. Here’s how accepting that truth has made me a better person.
People with a reputation for being unlikable often share these amazing qualities:
1. They are loyal
In the last decade, since I realized I’m a Jessie Spano-type, I have learned to listen closely to my people and thank them when they raise their concerns or frustrations with me. I become a better person when I can hear their criticism and take it to heart. I trust that they have only the best of intentions.
For someone with a negative reputation, a friend's loyalty is seen as particularly meaningful. Studies show that a positive perception from someone who initially had a negative impression is often more impactful than a constant positive evaluation. A friend's choice to accept and support an unlikable person, despite external perceptions, can feel like an earned, deep-seated loyalty that is highly cherished.
2. They have firm convictions and beliefs
Yuri A / Shutterstock
I am an opinionated person, which can quickly translate into being a polarizing person. I think long and hard and do copious amounts of research before coming to concrete conclusions about what I believe.
Once I arrive at Destination Belief, I make no apologies for it. I know it might change people’s opinion of me. And I’m okay with that. It doesn’t change my love for them or my ability to hold opposing beliefs without opposing them as humans.
3. They can detach from their feelings
In addition to being Jessie Spano, I’m also an empath. This means that I can sense people’s disapproval or dislike, but I can’t always figure out why they feel that way.
When I start to sense that, I will refer to my first point and make a conscious move to detach from their feelings about me, considering what I might have done to offend when appropriate. Then, I use that emotional distance to ask if they are offended and what I can do to actually make the peace, instead of quietly angsting about it on repeat forever.
Emotional detachment becomes a primary strategy for surviving a socially rejecting environment. One study found that this coping mechanism is not about lacking emotion entirely, but rather about regulating emotional responses to avoid feeling overwhelmed or manipulated by others' feelings.
4. They fight for the underdogs
Somehow, I have learned to like more people through the process of being unliked. I end up fighting for the underdogs, looking for ways to reach people who might seem unreachable.
I root for the Jessie Spanos and Screeches of this world because everyone needs to be seen and loved just as they are. Okay, with a few exceptions — but you get my feeling.
Studies have shown that processing and accepting interpersonal rejection can lead to greater self-awareness and healthier relationships overall. This process is not about learning to like a person who has rejected you, but rather about developing a more authentic sense of self that is less dependent on external approval.
5. They are unapologetically themselves
The world will always find fault with humans. We are all vastly different. We all need too much. I take comfort in knowing that nobody will ever be completely, universally, or unconditionally accepted by the masses. And that’s great. It means I get to challenge my own biases and unconscious prejudices and become a better person.
Be you. Unapologetically you. Care less about what people think of you and care more about showing up exactly as you are, in all of your polarizing Jessie Spano-ness.
Carrie Saum is a freelance writer with a focus on health and wellness and self-love. After receiving her paramedic medical training, Carrie spent a decade abroad and in the U.S. in the non-profit medical sector before venturing into the world of Ayurveda and integrated health.
