People Who Put Themselves Last In Pretty Much Every Situation Usually Have 8 Distinct Experiences
BearFotos | Shutterstock Selfless people will do anything they can for everyone, often becoming fully drained in the process. That's when resentment creeps in, often as big of a surprise to them as it is to those they've been putting first.
8 distinct experiences of the people who put themselves last in nearly every situation:
1. Struggling to balance their own lives due to being exhausted
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People who put themselves last are people-pleasers to their core. They will put themselves through the wringer as long as someone else feels taken care of. While this is a noble trait, we forget how it affects them. Every day, they drain themselves with other people’s concerns. They care more about being liked than anything else. Their self-worth lies in how they make others feel.
People-pleasers make great friends but bad caretakers for themselves. They may not realize how drained they are from caring for everyone around them. When they feel drained, they often ignore it to keep everyone else happy. Sadly, this cannot last forever.
2. Doing everything they can to get approval from others
Some people’s self-worth is intertwined with how others see them. They seek validation from the people they care about. In these moments, they’ll do anything they can to be there for that person. If that means taking on extra responsibilities at work or spending hours with a friend when they should be doing something at home, they’ll do it.
Sometimes, this behavior comes from deep-seated trauma. Many seek approval because of childhood pain or self-esteem issues. This pain can make them do anything for other people because it makes them feel loved and appreciated.
3. Attracting people who won't reciprocate their generosity
People-pleasers often lose themselves to others and attract relationships often feel one-sided. People will take and take from the selfless, but rarely give them the same unconditional love.
Healthy people who would like to reciprocate know that strong relationships depend on emotional support from both parties. If someone is giving too much and a healthy person isn't allowed to give back, they may find themselves mistrustful of the person always putting others first.
One-sided friendships work great for the receiver when that receiver is greedy or comes from a history of being treated like royalty, but they rarely make anyone else happy. Selfless people are used to selfish people and try to ignore it, but it still gets under their skin. Over time, it can take a toll on their mental health.
4. Forgetting who they are as individuals
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Many of us have been in a relationship that drained the life out of us. We give and give until we can’t anymore, and it still doesn’t seem like enough for them and soon enough we feel like we've lost ourselves.
Often, relationships like this won’t get better. It’s in our best interest to leave them, but that’s easier said than done. Some people’s entire personalities are caretaker-oriented, which is why they struggle to change.
5. They become disconnected from their own needs
Many people like this are codependent and they count on the other people around them to feel joy. Instead of being aware of what they need, they focus on giving others what they want while their needs fall to the wayside. This cycle can have devastating consequences. Someone can turn their life upside down by sacrificing themselves for someone else.
Codependent people may not realize they are doing this. We often think of someone who needs someone to do everything for them, but there are two sides to that story: the one who demands care, and the one who drops everything to give it.
6. They feel bad for feeling resentful
Resentment is an emotional reaction to being treated poorly, and it can be like a little flag going up demanding attention. When someone does everything they can for someone else, they might notice no one is there for them. Instead, they are expected to bend over backwards for others without getting anything in return. No matter how selfless you are, this can hurt over time. Feeling resentful is natural, but truly selfless people often struggle to share how they feel.
It makes them feel guilty when this feeling sneaks up on them. They want to be there for others, so they feel wrong in these moments. Instead of advocating for themselves, they let others walk all over them.
7. They’re masters at hiding disappointment
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We’ve all felt let down. When we give everything to someone else, it’s hard to accept when the effort isn’t reciprocated. Asking someone to do something for you only to find out they didn’t, hurts, especially when you’ve always followed through for them. Selfless people grow used to this behavior. They have mastered the art of hiding disappointment.
People disappoint us most they don’t live up to our expectations. Someone who constantly does things for others can feel hurt easily when people don’t do the same for them. Sadly, they get used to it over time and become good at hiding that disappointment.
8. Being unable to tell anyone no
I’m not good at telling people no. I never have been, and I’m not sure I ever will be. I want to please everyone, even if that means sacrificing myself.
The people wh put everyone else first often feel the same way. They don’t want to inconvenience anyone. Instead, they’d rather do whatever people ask. Keeping everyone else happy is their main priority, and they will often forget themselves along the way to keep the peace.
They don’t want to experience conflict. Someone like this fears that saying no will ruin their relationships. It’s a vicious cycle that causes them to overexert themselves to the point of mental and emotional burnout.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
