People Who Push Good People Away Usually Do These 7 Things First
Motortion Films | Shutterstock Alexa, play "Good Ones" by Charli xcx. No, but seriously, we all have bad habits, and unfortunately, sometimes we push away the good people in our lives without even meaning to.
For many of us, it’s a trauma response. We have a fear of pain, or we were indirectly taught by a crummy childhood that we will never deserve having good people in our lives. Before we push the good people away, though, we might try to make them leave on their own. To do that, we set it all up by behaving badly before the break.
Before pushing good people out of their lives, people will usually do these things first:
1. Create unnecessary arguments
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Have you ever met someone who just constantly creates arguments for no reason? Well, there may be a deeper issue at play here beyond them just being annoying.
According to psychologist Antonieta Contreras, people who are constantly creating drama are seeking ways to feel “real and significant.” Maybe they didn’t feel seen as children, so now they look for ways for people to recognize them as adults.
Whatever the reason, people who push good people away will typically start small arguments first. While others can just push little things aside, these people make a big deal out of them. It's all kind of a test to see if you'll stick around because, at a base level, these people are just afraid of being left, so they'll push people away before it can happen.
2. Refuse to apologize
Taking accountability is one of the most important skills to have as an adult. It can be rare, though.
Some people will simply never say sorry. These people are very hard to be around. They may not even do it on purpose. They were likely raised to believe that apologizing is a sign of weakness and diminishes their self-worth. As a result, they push good people away because they would rather dig their heels in than admit they were wrong.
3. Take kindness for granted
Unfortunately, some people mistake kindness for weakness. This is especially hard for women, who are trained from a young age to be polite.
There is a thin line between being polite and being walked over, however. People who push good people away tend to take kindness for granted. They don’t stop to think that the kind gesture their partner or friend is making for them isn't typical.
It could also be that they just don't feel like they deserve kindness. When it's given for no reason other than out of love, they reject it immediately because they don't recognize relationships that aren't transactional.
4. Only reach out when they need something
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I unfortunately have friends like this. They reach out, and I get very excited because they’re my friend. Then, I find out there is a hidden agenda.
This has killed some of my friendships. Nobody ever wants to feel like they are being used. Good people don't mind helping. In fact, many enjoy it. The difference, however, is that relationships thrive on consistent connection, not convenience. If someone only calls when they need advice, money, favors, or emotional support, others eventually notice the pattern. A relationship should not be one-sided, and if it is, it will not last.
5. Act close-minded
According to psychologist Mark Travers, one trait intelligent people share is being open-minded. Being curious about the way the world works and not being stuck in your bubble is a sign of intelligence.
Close-minded people tend to push good people away. They make judgments based on superficial factors about a person, such as their clothes or the way that they speak. They push people away without really getting the chance to know them. That's because anyone who might make them question long-standing beliefs scares them, even if the people have good intentions.
6. Make themselves the victim
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Contreras said that “drama-makers” often believe their own stories, and they always make themselves the victim in them. This type of mindset can be very damaging to one’s relationships.
Like I mentioned earlier, learning how to take accountability is crucial to a healthy relationship. However, if somebody doesn’t believe they have anything to be sorry for, then that is grounds for a good person to leave. Nobody will stay at the table if respect isn’t being served.
7. Cancel plans at the last minute
People who push good people away typically have low self-esteem, which leads to a fear of intimacy. Their past trauma has taught them that they are a burden to others, which makes nurturing relationships scary.
As a result, these people will tend to make plans but then cancel them at the last minute because they don't know how to have healthy interactions. Although this is not an intentionally malicious action, many people will take it that way. It’s rude to cancel at the last minute as it’s disrespectful of the other person’s time. Although good people are understanding at first, everybody has their limits.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
