People With These 4 Personality Traits Often Unintentionally Attract Narcissists
Certain personality traits, even admirable ones, can make you a magnet for narcissists.
Sergey Sokolov | Unsplash Getting into a relationship with a person who’s wildly self-centered or selfish sounds like a terrible idea, yet many people unintentionally fall in love with a narcissist for a variety of reasons.
A 2021 study of narcissism and love styles "shed light on the complexity of relations between love styles and narcissism when considering the multidimensionality of narcissism best explained by the combination of narcissistic vulnerability and rivalry." Whether blinded by love, emotionally vulnerable, or something far more complicated, it’s possible to fall for this type of person, even if you’re self-aware or in a positive mental state.
Here are the personality traits of people who often unintentionally attract narcissists:
1. Believing the best in people
If you’re the type of person who sees and believes the best in people, then you can fall in love with a narcissist.
Narcissists can be very convincing, and if they’ve persuaded you to feel or think a certain way, you might have trust in them simply because you’re a good person. When you see the best in others, you are easily convinced — and may even convince yourself — that things are not as bad as they seem. (Even if others have tried to show you otherwise.)
2. Seeking passion over reality
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The phrase blinded by love, though ableist language, rings true if you fall in love with a narcissist.
Whether you’re overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection (narcissists are very dramatic people!), persuaded by emotions, or driven by lust, you may continue to stay in a toxic relationship because you foolishly believe that person loves and values you.
3. Hoping a person will change
Narcissists are extremely manipulative, as shown by a study in The Journal of Psychology that found "both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists are prone to emotionally manipulate others to reach their aims.".
Regardless of how many times they’ve messed up, they have the uncanny ability to convince you that they will change their behavior and never hurt you again. And if you’re already invested in the connection, you may believe them.
4. Dismissing warning signs
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Narcissists can disguise warning signs and red flags through their conniving behavior. For example, rather than taking responsibility for cheating on you, they might spin the entire event and say that you were being ‘too clingy’ or not giving them space.
Often, people can get wrapped up in this toxicity because they don’t recognize the true warning signs and manipulation tactics. They’ve normalized these behaviors or have become immune to their partner’s behavior altogether. A 2017 study in the European Journal of Personality stated, "Narcissism is characterized by little empathy for the victim, which reduces guilt about one's transgressions. Low guilt, in turn, is associated with unwillingness to apologize."
How to recognize the warning signs and protect yourself:
- You can fall in love with a narcissist just as easily as you can fall in love with anyone else.
- Attraction, affection, and connection play a role as they would in any relationship.
However, to protect yourself from a relationship with the wrong one, a toxic connection, or even potential abuse/trauma, it’s important to recognize these narcissistic behaviors and patterns before you’re head over heels.
If a person is exhibiting behavior that doesn’t feel right, if he/she is trying to control your every move, or if you’re often made to feel guilty for the choices you make, pay attention. These can be the beginnings of a negative relationship, and it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to your heart.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Marisa Donnelly is a freelance writer and editor who has been featured in the Huffington Post, Bustle, Elite Daily, Better Homes and Gardens, and more.
