People In Their 50s And 60s Who Instantly Put Others At Ease Usually Know These 6 Communication Secrets
mapodile | Canva People in their 50s and 60s who instantly put others at ease are usually aware of how to improve their communication skills by making slight adjustments to their daily conversations. Research has shown that knowing the importance of communication paves the way for more effective communication between you and the people you have relationships with.
For me, it felt important to understand the concept of observing people, to get a handle on both what they were saying and what they weren’t saying. Those observations led to a lot of questions, much to my parents’ frustration, I’m sure.
People in their 50s and 60s who instantly put others at ease usually know these communication secrets:
1. People in their 50s and 60s listen to understand, not respond
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This changes everything. One study has suggested that due to our hyper-connectivity, we’ve closed the gap on the pause. We’re bouncing info and words back and forth at a pace the world has never experienced before, which naturally leads to both miscommunication and confusion. Rather than really listening to what someone is saying, we’re busy waiting for the moment that we get to speak, which also means we’re not really understanding what the other person is communicating.
Pay attention to this habit the next time you’re in conversation with someone, and you’ll feel what I mean. It takes a concerted effort and lots of practice to be an excellent listener, but it’s well worth the practice.
2. They ask questions
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Don’t make assumptions about what’s being said because studies have confirmed that we’re all wired to be more vigilant about negativity than positivity. If you’re not sure, ask clarifying questions. Be the kind of person who seeks clarity at all times and in all ways.
We’re all worried about looking stupid, so just let that go. I learned as a working reporter that people would much rather you ask that "stupid question" rolling around in your head than have you assume something and be wrong about it.
3. People in their 50s and 60s seek commonality, not difference
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Full disclosure, I’ve been a student of communication style and human interaction for most of my life. I remember being labeled shy as a kid. I was reticent to interact with people I didn’t know well. But, I also know because I remember clearly that I watched and listened a lot.
The sages have said this for years. As humans, there’s more that binds us than separates us. But studies have found that the way we talk can either unite or divide us. Find that connection point and watch how much clearer and more authentic your interactions become.
4. They let go of the urge to overthink everything
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Some of the loudest places I’ve ever been are in my own head, and much of what rolls around in there is, frankly, useless and pointless. Get real with this about yourself.
Ruminating on things is a human tendency, but the American Psychological Association showed that the output is rarely helpful. Some things are just that — things, circumstances, and events. You don’t need to analyze them in gory, repetitive detail. Put another way, let it go. Observe, learn, process, and move on.
5. People in their 50s and 60s know not everything is about them
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Research has backed up how people get stuck in certain patterns of behavior. They communicate in certain ways because those ways have paid off somehow in the past. If a person’s style of communication irks you, know that that style has worked out for them in some fashion. It’s not directly related to you and the shared circumstance you’re in. It’s not personal, so don’t make it so.
Once you make it personal, you’ve created a blockade between you and that other person, and you will seek evidence in the future to support your position, feelings, and on and on it goes. Get off that train now because the destination is less than fun. Always.
6. They're steady and thoughtful
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There’s nothing more reassuring than someone consistent. This takes a large degree of control and tact to make it your style, but the payoff is huge. Think about the people you interact with regularly. Think about the ones who are consistent in style, form, and manner, and then think about the ones who make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re overly diligent about not triggering them, so there’s always some degree of inauthenticity in your communication with them.
With a little work, anyone can be consistent, but a key ingredient is slowing things down. Ask for a time when you need to consider something and be really aware of how you’re coming across to other people — not self-conscious, but self-aware. A study on communication and aging helped explain why good communication skills require awareness of not just yourself and your actions, but also how others typically interact and react to you.
Now that you know how to communicate better, ask yourself:
- What is your payoff in creating and recreating that type of interaction?
- Why do you want people you’re in a relationship with to be off-balance?
- Do you feel more "in control" when others are unsteady? Why?
- Does it empower you in some way?
Once you understand something about yourself fully, you’re better able to own it and then change it. Put some of these ideas to work, and I’d encourage you to spend more time just observing — without judgment — the interactions of daily life, your own included. Trust your senses about what you’re seeing and feeling — those abilities are there to help you, but must be utilized to affect any understanding, and perhaps, if you choose, change.
Erika Isler is a Personal Development Coach who helps her clients create insight, gain perspective, and step into and utilize their natural abilities.
