People Everyone Finds Irresistibly Charming Unfortunately Also Share These 5 Unexpected Dark Traits
Sindre Aalberg | Unsplash The Myers-Briggs personality types are aimed at finding out your specific personality traits. Though there are 16 total personality types someone can fall under, ENFJs are by far the most charming, social, and friendly humanitarians, and people tend to find them irresistibly charming.
Known as the Protagonist, the ENFJ personality type has a lot of really great qualities. While they have nice strengths, there are also darker weaknesses to account for, including being overly idealistic, too selfless, and having fluctuating self-esteem. With anything, there are always negative aspects to a personality because let's be real: nobody is perfect.
According to psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, the qualities that make someone shine in the eyes of others often become the very same yardstick they use to measure their own worth. "Many of us are still unconsciously using the wrong metrics to assess our self-worth," Winch explains, noting that people who base their self-esteem on being liked by others end up on a constant emotional rollercoaster.
People that everyone finds irresistibly charming, unfortunately, also share these 5 unexpected dark traits:
1. Charming people tend to be pushy
Protagonists believe in others, which is great, but that also means this personality type can push people beyond their limits. Though this pushiness comes from a place of intuition and motivation, ENFJs often rub people the wrong way.
ENFJs want their loved ones to be successful and take the correct path, but they don't always realize that not everyone wants what the ENFJ wants. And if someone isn't ready or willing, it can cause problems.
Wanting the best for someone and pushing them past what they're ready for are often two sides of the same coin. Research has found that people who prioritize others' needs can actually trigger more stress and friction in their relationships over time, even when the intention behind it is genuine care.
2. They tend to be indecisive
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ENFJs tend to struggle very intensely when faced with making a decision, usually one that is major and could impact their lives in the long-run. Because they consider all their options and possible outcomes, making one choice is just not an option.
When someone tries to weigh every possible outcome before committing, they'll eventually experience decision fatigue, a 2021 study explained. The more alternatives a person tries to hold in their head at once, the more likely their brain is to stall out entirely, meaning the thoroughness itself becomes the obstacle.
But their indecisive nature can cause other problems. ENFJs tend to put the problems of others onto themselves. By doing so, ENFJs are at risk of being held back by the limitations of others.
3. Charming people tend to be non-confrontational
In relationships, ENFJs want to make sure their partners are happy, but sometimes it's at the cost of their own well-being. If they are not careful, that eagerness to please and sacrifice their own needs can lead to resentment.
Though they tend to be great at making friends and really put in the effort to maintain relationships with people, their optimism and enthusiasm for self-improvement aren't always a match with the people around them. Other Myers-Briggs types are more comfortable with the status quo, so it's best for ENFJs not to get too caught up in wanting to help during a conflict.
Staying silent to keep things smooth feels like the kind thing to do, but many don't realize that it has a cost. As clinical social worker Angela Williams explained, "When you don't bring up something that is bothering you, it can cause feelings of resentment or anger, which can be potentially avoided by having a conversation about the issue."
4. They tend to be overly sensitive
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Related to their fear of conflict and intuitive nature, this gets in the way of ENFJ's ability to parent and discipline their children. One study on sensory processing sensitivity found that highly sensitive parents were more likely to drift toward permissive parenting styles, specifically, including reporting that they find it difficult to discipline their children.
The same emotional depth that makes an ENFJ parent so attuned to their kid's feelings can make holding a firm line feel like an act of cruelty, research has shown. Kids need discipline and structure, but this isn't always a strong suit of the ENFJ. Conflict makes them uncomfortable in any situation, but as parents, it can lead to them becoming taken advantage of or just giving up on discipline altogether.
ENFJs also struggle with their children becoming independent and rebellious. Because they are overly sensitive, they take criticisms from their kids more personally.
5. They tend to be doormats
This personality type has a terrible habit of underestimating themselves, especially in work situations. Social worker Terry Gaspard describes that people pleasers often end up "overwhelmed or exploited by others" because their instinct to help makes it genuinely hard to push back.
For an ENFJ, saying yes one too many times slowly erodes the sense of self-worth that the helpfulness was supposed to protect in the first place. ENFJs are eager and willing to help, but sometimes this can lead to receiving too much work and feeling overwhelmed.
What makes matters worse is that they avoid conflict by not speaking up and continuing to accept the extra work, even if it's too much for them to handle. They see the glass half-full, but that idealism can also be considered a liability.
Jill Zwarensteyn is a long-time freelance writer, where she has covered news and travel content for different media publications. Jill's writing has been featured on Matador Network, Artrprnr Magazine, and SleepAdvisor, among other publications.
