People Who Do These 5 Mean Things Are Usually Overcompensating For Major Insecurity
Timur Shakerzianov | Unsplash Self-doubt is a sneaky attribute, one that lodges itself deep within us and ripples outward, changing the way we interact with the world around us. We might think it only affects how we see ourselves, but in reality, it affects the way we treat others, too.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Aimee Daramus explains that "Insecurity can also manifest itself as overconfidence. Insecure people have trouble taking feedback because they can't be seen as being less that expert at anything, so they sometimes appear overconfident and put others down."
Self-proclaimed 'confidence expert' Kasey Jones agrees, and part of her brand is to coach people on how to “transform self-doubt into empowerment.” She recently revealed one way to decipher when someone’s seemingly confident behavior is actually hiding deep-seated insecurity.
People who make snarky comments are often overcompensating for major insecurity
Jones qualified her thought process on the issue of hidden insecurity, saying, “I’ve seen this a lot in my life, but I’ve really been noticing it lately. I’ve started to really think about who these people are and what makes them them, and all the rest.”
“There is one kind of common theme that I see in people that are really, really insecure and are just, like, filled with self-loathing and hope that other people don’t notice,” she said. “They are the people who, a big part of their personality, their vibe, is making fun of other people.”
“Sometimes, they are commenting on things that are kind of silly or are a little cringey, but it’s like a big part of who they are,” she continued. “They love being the one making the snarky little remarks, and sometimes, they’re really freaking funny.” Jones believes that being snarky is one way people shield themselves from their own self-loathing.
She also noted that there are 5 other mean things people do when they're overcompensating for insecurity:
- Insecure people make fun of other people as part of their personality
- They constantly make snarky comments
- Insecure peopel gossip and talk about others
- They use humor to deflect attention from themselves onto others
- They play the "life of the party" while not liking themselves
“No truly confident person enjoys talking trash about other people,” she revealed. “No truly confident person is, like, a gossiper. They are not someone who loves making sarcastic jokes about other people. Confident people don’t do that.”
She shared how making fun of other people in social situations creates this hall-of-mirrors effect, where the person doing the teasing deflects judgment from other people, just by virtue of talking about someone else.
Jones noted that teasing is a trick that makes someone seem cool and confident when really, they’re deeply insecure
“I know that a lot of those people who do that, they come across as confident, like, they’re the life of the party, they’re making jokes, everyone’s laughing. It would seem like they’re confident. They’re not. Deep down inside, they truly hate themselves, and they are just desperately hoping you don’t notice.”
The person who’s commenting on what everyone else is doing is someone who doesn’t trust their own instincts, or even particularly like themselves.
True confidence is rooted in our own sense of self-worth and has very little — actually, nothing at all — to do with what other people think of us. While it might not seem easy to master, the more we love ourselves, the more confidence we project to the world around us, which makes us magnetic to other people.
So, the key to being the most interesting person in the room is simple: Be kind, both to yourself and others. Treat people with compassion, and soon, they'll flock to you.
"A good-hearted person who is secure within themselves doesn't feel the need to tear down and criticize others," psychotherapist Christina Steinorth-Powell confirmed. "When these behaviors stop, you'll eventually become genuinely confident and not just performing that you are."
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's editorial team. She covers relationships, psychology, and all things to do with the human experience.
