People With Truly Difficult Parents Usually Grew Up Hearing 9 Old-Fashioned Phrases On Repeat
ASphotostudio | Canva Pro People who grew up with challenging parents can likely recite the phrases they heard over and over again on repeat.
While there are certainly some traditional lessons in resilience and work ethic that modern kids could learn from, for the most part, the norms and language of parents from years gone by weren't always kind to kids.
Old-fashioned phrases that people with truly difficult parents grew up hearing:
1. ‘Because I said so’
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In some situations, where it’s impossible to answer a question from a curious kid, parents can get away with a phrase like this. But most of the time, “because I said so” only teaches kids to avoid their curiosity and never compromise. In fact, experts argue that regularly using the phrase can teach kids to be fearful and anxious rather than confident and self-assured.
They were shut down before they could contribute to conversations or learn to resolve issues, making it nearly impossible for them to learn emotional regulation or communication skills early on.
2. ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’
Instead of offering a safe space for kids’ emotions and making sure they had a safe space to express themselves, many old-fashioned parents shut it all down. “I’ll give you something to cry about” was their way of dealing with a tantrum, even if it dismissed and invalidated their kids entirely.
These kids grew up believing that they needed to hide and suppress their feelings to be taken seriously. They equated love with being level-headed and never showing emotions, even if that was entirely false.
3. ‘Life isn’t fair’
Shutting down a child’s concerns and forcing them to suppress their complex emotions only breeds emotionally detached, cold adults. Of course, kids need boundaries, but never making kids feel heard can leave lasting wounds.
The unfairness of life isn’t a justification for emotional neglect. That’s why the best parents make an effort to address a child’s pain and emotions, even when they’re caused by life's unfairness, before they teach them to move on and forward.
4. ‘You’re too young to understand’
Phrases like this, or “You’ll thank me when you’re older,” are all examples of difficult parents who cared more about protecting their own convenience than slowing down to teach a lesson. They dismissed a child’s curiosity because of age, usually because they didn’t have time for a conversation.
However, every time a child heard this from a parent, they missed out on a lesson. They missed out on a challenge that would have helped them grow. They felt undervalued, just because of their age, which they couldn’t change.
5. ‘You call this clean?’
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When a child grows up hearing “You call this clean?” or “I don’t know why I asked you in the first place” around chores and household labor, it slowly chips away at their self-esteem. On top of that, when parents completely overlooked teaching opportunities in favor of making their kids feel small, they kept them stagnant.
Taking the time to teach better skills and empathize with kids learning things for the first time takes more effort, but the best parents invest in it. They know that their relationships with kids and effort directly influence their self-esteem, and that’s not worth playing around with.
6. ‘I put a roof over your head and food on the table’
In a time of economic crisis, basic needs like buying food and affording a mortgage were a huge deal. In fact, they are a huge deal for families to afford, even today. That doesn't mean that kids should be saddled with that stress.
Kids shouldn’t have to prove themselves to parents just because they’re getting the bare minimum at home. Experiences of love, trust, and affection shouldn’t be conditional. And kids shouldn't feel guilted into gratitude for food and housing. It only makes them insecure adults.
7. ‘You’re just tired’
Invalidating a child’s emotions with phrases like “you’re just tired” or “you’ll get over it” only makes them less emotionally intelligent. It teaches them that their emotions don’t matter and should be avoided. They learn that their feelings are something to suppress, rather than to speak about and hold space for in relationships.
That’s why so many aging adults today face all kinds of mental health stigmas, because they’ve been taught to suppress, ignore, and avoid their complex feelings at the hands of harmful rhetoric like this.
8. ‘Children should be seen and not heard’
As a classic old-fashioned comment from parents, many older generations heard this as kids without realizing how insidious it actually was. Kids don’t feel valued or respected when they’re told not to voice their opinions. They feel unloved and overlooked.
Of course, their needs aren’t being met by parents at home, but as they get older, they become less versed in communication. They don’t know how to express their emotions or communicate their needs, because their parents never showed any interest in listening.
9. ‘This is my house, not yours’
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Many older generations of adult children grew up in homes where parents were authority figures. They weren’t friends or safe spaces, but managers and leaders. When a parent told them to do something, they were expected to do it without complaint.
While we understand today the importance of belonging for kids at home and having somewhat of an equal playing field in relationships with parents, a few decades ago, hearing phrases like “this is my house, not yours” was a regular occurrence.
These kids felt pressured to work for their place at home, and didn’t have it as an automatic, unconditional safe space. They had to walk on eggshells around parents and suppress their own concerns to avoid putting their living space on the line.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
