The #1 Sign You're Addicted To Intensity

There's a difference.

By Ana Del Castillo — Written on Nov 08, 2021

Photo: pio3 / Shutterstock

You can be happy. You can have a life that feels more effortless. You can have relationships that feel easy, connected, and are filled with more joy.

But you will never get any of that through an addictive model of intensity.

What do I mean by that?

If you are someone who keeps lamenting that you want to be loved or happy, or you say you want to be in a relationship that feels easy, but you always seem to have:

• relationships where you fight and argue a lot

• a stressful job you can't seem to walk away from

• life circumstances with high highs and low lows, but very little in between

• prefer courses or teachers who beat you up a little, shame you (i.e., call you out), and use a controlling approach to spiritual or emotional growth…

Then, there is a high probability that what you are is addicted to intensity.

When you have a system addicted to intensity, you essentially only really feel something when it's happening intensely.

To be clear, I have no issue with intensity. It's great! Especially when I'm frustrated or feeling backed up with energy, or I need relief.

But lots of intensity over time desensitizes. It removes the ability to feel anything other than hard pressure, whether good (highs) or bad (lows).

It has us feel anxious, numb, bored, or frustrated with anything remotely resembling literal or figurative lovemaking, i.e., slow, subtle, peaceful, easy.

It does, however, release dopamine. And for those of us who are acclimated to getting dopamine from intensity (read: drama), intensity becomes the stand-in for aliveness.

Addictive intensity is not aliveness. And it will never lead to aliveness.

The addictive intensity model for getting dopamine can only feed the ongoing need for the epic, the dramatic, the high-highs, and the low-lows.

It produces a need for harder and harder intensity because the release is the point — not happiness.

A person whose system is addicted to intensity will look for and create drama in relationships, life, jobs, and the courses they choose.

"Ego dying" and hard lesson learning is the intensity addict's favorite spiritual, dopamine-releasing, got-to.

But understand these are not the only ways to experience a dopamine release. And they are certainly not the only way to learn lessons, be spiritual, or get intensity.