No Woman's Life Is Ever The Same After She Experiences 10 Specific Things
Vteple | Shutterstock When we're kids, our lives are pretty contained. We live the lives our parents choose for us, and generally have very little responsibility. But as adult women, the world gets bigger with every major experience.
Of all the moments in a woman's life that change her forever, some will be joyous and some will be painful. How she reacts to those defines how her life changes as a result.
No woman's life is ever the same after she experiences 10 specific things
1. Her first truly close friendship
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A woman's life is changed forever by the first close friend she makes on her own. It doesn't matter whether she meets that friend in kindergarten or in college, the moment she does, her perspective on the world shifts.
When she's with her first close friend, she doesn't have to pretend to be anyone else but herself. They share their own language and know exactly how to make each other laugh until they're weeping.
Even more importantly they share about and acknowledge each other's wounded parts, and the love they have for each other brings them closer to healing, to becoming whole.
A woman's first close friendship might fade with time, but that doesn't make it any less profound.
2. Getting her heart broken
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Experiencing her first real heartbreak is one of the profound moments in a woman's life. Heartache is a transformative kind of hardship, changing a woman into a more resilient person.
As she feels like she is splitting apart, she's on her way to discovering new versions of herself.
"When your heart breaks, it breaks open to hold more love," relationship experts Orna and Matthew Walters write. They acknowledge that "the feelings of grief and loss can be overwhelming," which is why it's so important to feel every feeling, without judgment or shame.
"Learning how to heal a broken heart may be one of the toughest of growing pains that you'll experience but you can use the time to create a new relationship with yourself," they shared.
Sadly, the healing process can't be rushed. The only way out is through, and this is an important lesson for many struggles a woman will face in life.
3. Being inspired by a truly special teacher
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Meeting the teacher that changes your life is a rare and truly special moment. When a teacher sees your potential, it feels like she's revealed all the world's possibilities. Teachers are wildly influential in young people's lives, and that can be a negative or positive force, depending on how the teacher behaves.
She might not be a straight A student, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that she's learning and someone recognizes that. This makes her feel hopeful and can reframe how she sees herself.
The magic of this moment is that it can happen when you least expect it. It can happen when your English teacher assigns a book that touches your soul or when an art teacher assigns a new medium that you realize you're really good at. It can even happen during a class she can't stand, when an algebra problem brings her to tears, and her teacher is patient and kind, because they believe that she can get it.
Her teacher sees something in her that she doesn't know about herself yet, and it lights the spark inside her.
4. The first time she overcomes a serious negative experience
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A woman doesn't always know her true capacity, but the moment she realizes how strong she really is changes her forever. Unfortunately, this usually means she's had to have a really bad experience.
If a woman keeps going even when she wants to give up, that's strength. If she lets herself be vulnerable and share herself with others, that's strength. Every time she does hard things, she learns, once again, how capable she really is. She learns to believe in herself, over and over, and that's what she carries with her.
5. Discovering what she's passionate about
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This often doesn't happen for women until their 30s, but discovering what she's passionate about is a game-changer. Some women have this happen through work or school, while others find it in their personal lives. Some don't find their passion until they have kids or maybe until they retire.
Regardless of when, that moment changes life forever.
As valuable as it is for women to learn what they're passionate about, they shouldn't expect it to be easy or arrive out of thin air. According to Stanford University psychologists Carol Dweck and Gregory Walton, it's not so much about finding your passion, as it's about developing your passion.
"If you look at something and think, 'that seems interesting, that could be an area I could make a contribution in,' you then invest yourself in it," says Walton. "You take some time to do it, you encounter challenges, over time you build that commitment."
Dweck shared that as her students realize that passion takes effort, "come to understand that that's how they and their futures will be shaped and how they will ultimately make their contributions."
6. Learning that her parents aren't perfect
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The moment when a woman realizes her parents aren't perfect can change her forever. It's as though a veil has been lifted, and she sees her parents for who they truly are: human beings, who are flawed like the rest of us, doing their best with the tools they have.
"Parents inevitably let down their children, fail to be present, or fail to adequately meet their needs," psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff explains. "This can feel so crushing because children are confronted with the jarring discrepancy between the fantasy parent they've created and the imperfect version of them that exists in reality."
As hard as it feels at the moment, accepting people for who they are is ultimately a liberating experience. You don't have to be perfect to be loved. You will never be a perfect parent yourself.
7. Traveling alone
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Having the opportunity is a luxury, and traveling alone even more so, which is why it changes a woman's life forever. It doesn't matter if she's in Barcelona or Kalamazoo, taking a trip on her own teaches her who she really is.
As she navigates places she's never been to before, she learns how capable she is. She learns what she likes and what she doesn't. Most importantly, she learns that she can take care of herself.
Even when it makes her feel lonely, traveling alone offers a woman insight into the deepest parts of herself by figuring out what triggers her sadness or loneliness and what alleviates it, totally independent of other people.
There's no one to distract her from her inner monologue. She's forced to reckon with her identity, which isn't easy, but it's entirely worthwhile. Her life will never be the same after, and that's a good thing.
8. Losing someone she loves
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One of the definitive moments in a woman's life that change her forever is losing someone she loves. Grief is the ultimate adjustment, the ultimate recalibration of reality. One day, the person she loves exists in the same world she lives in, and then, they're gone. T
"For many losses, the pain doesn't ever totally go away, but the way you carry it makes all the difference in the world," psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw explained. "You will carry a part of your loss as a badge. Life hit you hard and you got through it. But it must be a badge, not a burden or your identity."
There is a distinct before and after: before, when the person you loved was still here, and after, when you spend the rest of your life missing them. Grief changes you, but loss isn't a static experience. It's always shifting, and you relearn who you are as you move through it.
A woman will never be the same after her first major loss, regardless of her age. But, as Dr. Shaw notes, it doesn't have to be a lifetime of sadness.
9. The moment she realizes it's OK to love herself
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As a woman makes the journey through her own life, learning to love herself is a revelation, but it rarely happens all at once. Often, we start by seeing one part of ourselves that's lovable, and that one bit grows and grows.
The big moment happens when she steps back and sees how all of the little pieces of herself that she'd learned to love come together like a quilt. They patch the holes that come from pain and hurt and imperfection to make one beautiful picture. One that is dynamic and strong.
Loving herself means being gentle with herself. It means challenging her inner critic, the one who tells her she's not good enough. Loving herself makes her feel whole, because she's found all the validation she needs within herself.
It might take a woman an actual lifetime to get to a place of true self-love, but she's absolutely worth the wait.
10. Facing failure
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At some point in her life, a woman will stumble and fall. She will fail at something she cares about, and that experience will change her forever. If she lets her mistakes define her, life won't be the same (in a bad way). But if she puts in the work to learn from her failures, she'll come out the other side a much stronger person.
Setbacks are inevitable, and that's the biggest lesson a woman learns from failure. Once she understands that reality, she can cultivate a growth mindset and understand that growth isn't a light jog up an easy hill, it's a winding trail with some serious steep areas and lots of bumps.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
