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Narcissists refuse to be held accountable.
By Christine Hammond — Last updated on Jun 04, 2023
Ask a narcissist if they are dependable and they will say, “I’m the most responsible person you know, you can always count on me.” And they can be. But when the rubber meets the road (an old saying about being put to the test), narcissists seem to wiggle out of accountability.
Why? Narcissists will gladly be responsible for the things they deem worthy, especially when it provides an opportunity to be the center of attention. However, when others place responsibility on the narcissist, the narcissist sees this as an attempt to control them.
This violates one of their personal mantras: no one will have power over them. So they escape from all liability. How? By using these narcissistic tactics.
Here are 7 bullying and intimidation tactics narcissists use to avoid accountability.
1. Intimidation/blame
The narcissist begins by bullying the person endeavoring to hold them accountable. Frequently, they resort to name-calling and belittling to assert dominance over the other person.
Once a subordinate position has been established, they blame the person for attempting to make the narcissist look less than superior.
2. Accusing/projection
To circumvent any accountability, the narcissist preempts the attack by accusing another person.
Usually, they pick an overly responsible, co-dependent person who idolizes the narcissist. Then, the narcissist projects the things they are answerable for onto the other person. Thus, escaping before the attack.
3. Arguing/exhausting
This is the simplest tactic with great immediate results. When confronted, the narcissist picks one small detail and argues it to the umpteenth degree. If the other person argues back, they pick another tiny point and persistently wear down their opponent.
Exhausted, frustrated, and annoyed, the other person gives up holding the narcissist liable.
4. Denying/rewriting
One way of avoiding responsibility is for the narcissist to deny they have any. Even if the item is written down, the narcissist will make excuses and rewrite history.
Frequently, they take the victim role by saying they were forced into being held accountable when, in actuality, they willingly did so. This tactic often leaves the other person questioning themselves and their memory.
5. Diversion/attacking
This method begins with an outburst over something very insignificant. Then, the narcissist exaggerates the point to incite the other person and draw their attention away from what really is happening.
Whenever the narcissist is fueling a small fire, it is to keep the focus off the inferno somewhere else. The diversion is done to drain resources, energy, and time so the narcissist can attack when the other person is vulnerable.
6. Fear/avoidance
Narcissists have the ability to take a person’s small fear and turn it into paranoia. Their charisma is put to destructive use as they weave a believable story with an intense dreadful outcome.
Once the other person is frightened, the narcissist uses the other person’s terror as justification for avoiding responsibility. They often cite that the other person is reactionary and therefore any requests from the other person should be discounted.
7. Rescuing/retreating
This tactic is the most manipulative of the bunch. First, the narcissist rescues the other person from a dreadful situation. Having gained the other person’s loyalty, the narcissist waits. Eventually, the other person confronts the narcissist about a lack of responsibility, and then the narcissist retreats.
The withholding of love/attention/time is so dramatic that the other person becomes horrified and assumes responsibility so that the narcissist will return. Once secured, the narcissist then accuses the other person of not appreciating the rescue. The other person feels bad and succumbs to the wishes of the narcissist even further.
While this article was written with narcissists in mind, several other personality disorders use a couple of these tactics as well. Anti-social (sociopaths and psychopaths), histrionic, borderline, obsessive-compulsive, paranoid, and passive-aggressive personality disorders all utilize portions of these methods as well.
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Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC is a mental health influencer, guest speaker, and author of the award-winning “The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook” and more than 500 articles. Her work has been featured in Psych Central and Midland Daily News.
This article was originally published at Psych Central. Reprinted with permission from the author.