Mom Upset After Overhearing Her Daughter's 8-Year-Old Friend Call Their House 'Too Small'
It's hard to tell how serious the friend was based on her young age.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Words can sting no matter who they come from, including 8-year-olds. One mom learned this lesson the hard way when she overheard her young daughter having a conversation with her 8-year-old friend who was over at their house for a playdate.
The friend informed her daughter that their house was “too small.” People thought the little girl likely meant nothing personal by it, but it was still upsetting for the mother, who already had some insecurities about the size of her house compared to others’.
In a post on Mumsnet, a mom asked if she was being unreasonable after getting upset that her daughter's friend called their house small.
On the website’s “AIBU?” section (short for “Am I Being Unreasonable?”), a mom asked fellow Mumsnet users if she was wrong to be upset over her daughter’s young friend’s words. She titled her post “child’s friend insulted house.”
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“My daughter’s 8-year-old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it,” she explained. “This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses!”
It sounds like the comment didn’t really bother her daughter at all, but the mom just couldn’t move past it. “I overheard them so [I] didn’t get involved in the discussion,” she said. “My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?”
On Mumsnet, users have the option to vote in a poll over whether the person who made the original post really is being unreasonable or not. 1,556 fellow moms voted in this woman’s poll, and 68% of them agreed she was being unreasonable, while only 32% thought she wasn’t being unreasonable at all.
Commenters were quick to point out the age of the friend and how that should factor into what the mom thought of her words.
Most thought she should take them with a grain of salt. “She’s an 8-year-old child,” one mom pointed out. “Who cares what she thinks about your house size? She knows nothing about life or the world.”
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“She’s 8,” another said. “She doesn’t understand sensitivities around money and house size.” Some users thought the friend was simply making an observation, not trying to insult anyone. “Children just say things — they might have just been observing,” someone said. “It’s unlikely an 8-year-old would be judgmental!”
Other commenters didn’t brush the friend’s words off so easily, but they pointed out that she likely didn’t mean anything rude by it.
One mom admitted, “It’s rude, but at that age it could be unintentional. My youngest is 11 and has mentioned kids at school bragging about money, usually connected to personal possessions rather than house size.”
Others noted that the friend might have simply been repeating things she had heard the adults in her life say. Since children that young don’t usually have a strong grasp of socioeconomic differences or what makes something more or less expensive, she was likely just sharing the sentiments she had overheard herself. That may be where the real blame lies.
This little girl is right at the age where children begin to comprehend money a bit more.
Writing for Parents, Anna Attkisson said that children between 6 and 8 may start to develop a rudimentary understanding of money, especially if they have an allowance. Parents can use this as a teaching opportunity. However, it’s not really until 9 to 12 that kids can understand the actual value of money.
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This child is right on the edge at 8 years old. Of course, it’s not clear from the brief post how much she understands about money. But, it’s unlikely that she can really come to the conclusion, “This house is smaller, therefore it costs less money, therefore the people who bought it have less money,” all on her own.
Chances are she's parroting other adults in her life, or she's simply making an observation about size. Some houses are bigger than others. That's just life. What the mom should focus on is that it didn't bother her daughter at all.
That's truly the takeaway from her post. She needs to, moving forward, make sure her own insecurities do not bleed onto her daughter as she gets older, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with having friends from different economic backgrounds. And most importantly, there's absolutely no reason to ever feel less than another person because you live differently than they do.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
