Man Upset That Girlfriend Doesn't Want To Include His 6-Year-Old Daughter On Their Couples Vacation
She just wanted a week to relax.
Alex_Maryna | Shutterstock Imagine booking a relaxing couples' vacation with your boyfriend. Suddenly, all the stress of your jobs and the limited time you have for each other starts to melt away in anticipation of ocean breezes and carefree laziness. Until .... BAM ... he puts a whole wrench in the plan by suggesting an addition to the trip in the form of his 6-year-old daughter. Here's the thing: You haven't even spent much time with her yet. He's positioning it like a chance to bond, but a couple's getaway doesn't exactly seem like the time to do that.
That's the exact situation one woman is facing. What was supposed to be a relaxing vacation that she booked and paid for could be the beginning of the end of their relationship, especially since he is upset that she doesn't want to share in the responsibility of a child while they are supposed to be on a romantic holiday.
A girlfriend said her boyfriend is upset because she doesn't want to include his daughter on a romantic getaway.
"I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year," she wrote in a since-deleted Reddit post. "He has a 6-year-old from a previous relationship who stays with him every other weekend." She explained that while the little girl is nice, the two of them aren’t particularly close yet, which is totally normal.
The couple had planned a week-long trip to Mexico this fall. "We’ve been working nonstop," she wrote, "and this was supposed to be a relaxing, adults-only vacation." She was looking forward to beach time, cocktails, and finally getting some good sleep. But a couple of weeks ago, the boyfriend tried to change the plans. "He mentioned he was thinking about asking his ex if he could take his daughter with us," the girlfriend wrote. He argued that it would give his daughter a new experience and help them all bond. "I thought he was joking," she added.
The girlfriend told him she was uncomfortable turning a relaxing couple’s trip into a co-parenting trial run. "We’re not married," she wrote. "I’m not her stepmom, and I don’t feel ready for that dynamic on my first real vacation in years."
The man was upset. He said it hurt that she wasn’t excited to include someone so important to him on the trip, and he even accused her of not being serious about the relationship. "I love him," she wrote, "but I don’t think wanting a kid-free trip makes me a bad person."
A vacation is not the best way for children to bond with a parent's new partner.
The big issue in this scenario, beyond the boyfriend's ridiculous suggestion, is how it will impact his young child. At just 6 years old, she doesn't really understand the intricacies of romantic relationships and why her mom and dad aren't together. To make matters worse, he wants to force a bonding experience on both his girlfriend and his daughter in a place where neither can leave. Basically, it's a recipe for disaster.
If he really wants the two to form a friendship, it should be a slow process. Relationship coach Nicholle Farrow explained that the first step is to be sure your relationship is sound. She wrote, "Part of knowing you are sure [about the relationship] is questioning your motives for being in the relationship. Is it because you don’t want to be alone or because you want to replace the nuclear family you feel you’ve lost? Is it to plug a gaping hole in your emotional and romantic life? If any of these are ringing true, then you need to do more healing before you enter a relationship, let alone introduce them to your kids."
You would think that since they have been together for almost a year, he is sure about the relationship, but his sudden need to play family during this vacation doesn't seem to reflect that his motives are right. Farrow also stressed, "If you can honestly say this is not a rebound thing but a healthy, happy relationship, then do not rush into playing house and happy families with your new partner. Instead, make the most of the honeymoon period you are in." This little girl is likely as ready to spend a week with his girlfriend as his girlfriend is ready to spend a week with her. He should respect them both and set them up for success instead of fracturing the relationship before it even has an opportunity. Instead of a week away in Mexico, maybe they could plan some day trips to kid-friendly locations and then start extending into long weekends.
Vacationing with kids and vacationing without kids are two very different experiences.
People in the comments mostly supported the girlfriend’s take. "He sprung this on you after you booked and paid for everything?" one user wrote. "That’s so manipulative." Others added that since this is a week-long trip to another country, the kid might not even have fun. It's not a day trip to Disney World.
Déjà vu Studio | Pexels
Sometimes people who haven’t taken kids on a trip tend to romanticize how it actually goes. Movies often show families having fun together, kids behaving, and parents relaxing. While that can happen, it’s not necessarily the reality for most family vacations. Let’s take a look at some real experiences people have shared.
One woman described her trip with children on Reddit. "Haven’t slept well at all," she wrote. She added that she has to do lots of walking, playing with the kids, spending money, and that she is "just cleaning up messes in a new location."
Another parent wrote, "Vacations with kids can absolutely [stink], even if you have just one." They explained that during their vacation, their then 3-year-old began constantly whining, throwing tantrums, and screaming over the smallest things. "I get that vacations with one child might be easier than with multiple," they wrote, "but sometimes, no matter how many kids you have, vacations with them just [stink]."
Traveling with kids is not the same as traveling with a partner, and when you add in the fact that the girlfriend in this scenario is not the little girl's mother, you're setting them both up for a bad trip. She’s only been dating the dad for a year and has every right to want a relaxing vacation. That doesn't make her committed to the relationship. That makes her honest.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
