Mom Calls Teen Stepdaughter ‘Unfair’ For Not Letting Her Be The Girl Mom She Always Wanted To Be
All a stepmom wanted was to be a girl mom. Unfortunately for her, her stepdaughter wasn't having any of it.
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock The relationship between a stepparent and their stepchild can be complicated. Sometimes, it’s an awkward situation in which the child feels like the stepparent is trying to step in and be their new, replacement parent when that’s the last thing they want.
One teenager found this to be true when her stepmom tried to be her “bonus mom” for years against her wishes. When she finally shared how she really felt with her, the stepmom revealed that she was just trying to be close with her because she wanted to be a girl mom.
It all started with the stepmom giving her stepdaughter more attention than she did to her own sons.
A 16-year-old posted on Reddit to share her story and ask if she was in the wrong after a bizarre exchange with her stepmother. It all started years before, though, when the girl was just seven and her dad got remarried. She said that she has two brothers, two half-brothers, and a stepbrother. They never received the special treatment she got, though. “Back when we met, my stepmom was extra nice to me and even my brothers told Dad it was like they weren’t there,” she explained.
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The girl didn’t really understand what was going on until she overheard an interesting conversation. “I don’t think she was trying to make me uncomfortable but I heard her say to a friend of hers that she was excited to have a little girl among the three boys now in the house and it made me feel like she wanted to be my mom,” she said. “There’s nobody I’m closer to than my mom and I never wanted another.”
Because of this, she started pulling away from her stepmom and even her dad, which only made her stepmom double down on her efforts to be the best of friends.
Because of the difficulties with her stepmom, the girl has limited the time she spends at her dad’s house. This has only made her stepmother want to be closer to her. She said she tries every tactic she can to spend time together, from planning spa days to saying she won a free lunch at one of the teen's favorite restaurants, even though she obviously didn’t win anything.
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Her stepmom finally let her true feelings out. “She told me she hates that I’m not spending time with her much and she’s tried everything and she doesn’t understand what she did wrong,” she recounted. “She said she’s my other/bonus mom and only ever wanted to experience being a girl mom ... She said she feels robbed and I told her it wasn’t my job to make up for her only having boys and that she’s only my stepmom, not my real mom or my second mom or my bonus mom.”
The relationship between stepmothers and stepdaughters seems to be particularly problematic for some reason.
We all know about the fairytale archetype of the evil stepmother. Unfortunately, far too many kids find that it is a reality for them when a parent remarries. Clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, PhD, described the relationship between a stepmother and stepdaughter as “an inherently tricky one.”
She added, “This is a dreadful shame because if all of the jealousy, envy, and competitiveness were not issues, this relationship could be a wonderful one for stepdaughters and stepmothers everywhere.” And, of course, there are many stepmothers and stepdaughters who do have good relationships.
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Essentially, this woman is trying to force her ideal image of being the mother of a girl onto her stepdaughter, who already has a mother. She’s really refusing to acknowledge that, which is preventing her from developing a good relationship with her. If she were able to recognize the fact that she’s just the stepmom in this situation, they might actually get along better.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
