If A Man’s Suddenly Talking And Sharing Less, These 4 Things Are Usually Behind It
Nathan Jefferis | Unsplash As we all know, guys are incredibly hard to read. They play with your head, they’re hot and cold, and you can never tell if they are genuinely into you or not when you're dating. Well, a lot of the times a guy acts differently and not like themselves when they are in fact into you.
A study found that men are significantly less likely than women to verbally express emotions, largely due to social conditioning that frames emotional openness as a sign of weakness. So when a man's suddenly talking and sharing less, it doesn't always mean what you think it means.
If a man’s suddenly talking and sharing less, these 4 things are usually behind it:
1. They fear rejection
Guys can’t be themselves around the girl they like because they hate being rejected. They don’t want to find out that the girl they find attractive isn’t attracted to them just the same. They don’t want to put themselves in a situation where they get embarrassed.
And they don’t want to risk having the girl they like see them differently, so they put on this persona that they think she likes or wants instead of just being themselves and finding out. And for some guys, they would rather have their heart broken over their ego because they don’t want the girl they like, who happens to be someone they value, to make them feel like they’re not good enough.
Research has found that people who fear rejection tend to silence themselves and pull back from partners, often reading completely neutral moments as signs they're about to be turned down. It's not that he doesn't care. It's that caring too much makes the risk feel way too high.
2. They don’t want to get hurt
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In this modern world of dating, it seems like no one wants to get hurt, so they keep people away, and when they get close, they push them away. So, it’s not just a guy thing, but guys tend to be more affected by heartbreak than girls because they are taught to be tough.
Guys are told to forget it, pretend like it never happened, and just suck it up. So, when it comes to being authentic to a girl they like, their protective nature comes to life.
Relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann explains that men who've been hurt before will "resist any situation that puts them in a place of vulnerability" because it makes them feel exposed and, honestly, a little weak. And when you add in years of being told to just toughen up and move on, it makes sense that a guy might keep his guard up way longer than you'd expect.
3. They want to be their best selves
Guys like to impress the girl they’re romantically interested in. They want to charm their way into her heart and show her how right they are for each other.
Maybe they’re not a 100% honest about their religious or political views because they don’t want to scare her away. Maybe they don’t talk about their feelings or what they’re going through because they don’t want to be judged or labeled as “needy” or “weird.
People in the early stages of attraction routinely adjust how they present themselves to better match what they think their love interest wants, researchers have found. So when a guy seems cagey about his views or unusually guarded, there's a good chance he's just trying to put his best foot forward, not hide something from you.
4. They are scared of being vulnerable
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To open up to someone about who you really are is terrifying, but it’s worthwhile. It takes a lot of courage to actually let someone in, to show them your imperfections, and to allow them to be there for you.
It’s not an easy thing to tell the person you really like about your childhood, past love experiences, and the things you failed to do in life. Mostly because you don’t want your story to be taken lightly.
Therefore, guys don’t want the girl they like to feel sorry for them, but at the same time, they want her to understand how they’ve become the men they are today. They want to feel safe to be themselves around the girl they see potential with because, at the end of the day, all that guys really want is to be seen.
Bockmann says that for a lot of men, keeping their guard up is simply "a tactic for self-preservation," and that until a man genuinely feels safe with someone, letting her in feels like a gamble he's not sure he's ready to take. The good news is that once he does feel safe, that wall tends to come down a lot faster than you'd think.
Don’t jump to conclusions based on the way the guy who likes you expresses himself when you are around. Instead, initiate conversation with him and get to know him. Listen to what he has to say because all he wants is find an excuse to connect with you.
Express your curiosity in him by asking him deep questions instead of shallow ones. For example, you can ask him what part of your job you like the most instead of what you do for a living. Give him space to be himself, but most importantly, be yourself around him so that he can see you for who you are as well.
Unwritten publishes content on relationships, love, mental health, wellness, and more.
