Incredibly Charming People Do These 10 Things When They Walk Into A Room, Says Life Coach: 'Put These Habits On Autopilot'
Turn natural charisma into a repeatable skill you can switch on any time.
View Apart | Canva You know that person — the one who walks into the room and everyone's like, 'Oh, hey!' They just have that 'it' factor, and they're often annoyingly effortless about it. It's like they have the charm (but not the smarmy kind) set to autopilot.
That energy isn't manufactured. Charming people often engage in a specific set of habits, even if unconsciously, that make them low-key iconic and impossible to ignore. Here's the fun part, though: You don't have to be born with charm — learn it through these ten moves, and you'll own the room in no time.
Incredibly charming people do these 10 things when they walk into a room:
1. They don't try to be anyone they're not
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You can smell fakeness from a mile away. But the cool thing about this is you’re now free of all the pressure that comes with thinking of a hundred clever things to say that you would never have said in the first place. Force less and watch your confidence appear.
According to research, people feel certain things in response to perceived rejection by others. Of course, one's assumptions are often inaccurate, and a good deal of research has examined instances in which people underestimate or overestimate how people truly see them.
2. They float through life unbothered
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They move with the pace of a sloth. Okay, maybe a little quicker than that. It’s not just about taking your time; it’s about making every action deliberate. You’re not just walking; you’re gliding through life. This pace gives you more time to think, calms everyone around you, and demonstrates that you don’t rush for anyone.
There's wisdom in slowing down. Research published in The Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that people can accurately identify emotions like sadness, anger, happiness, and pride simply from watching someone's gait, with characteristics like walking speed, stride length, and arm swing differentiating the emotions being expressed.
3. They give genuine compliments that prove they're paying attention
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Give specific and unexpected compliments, like commenting on someone’s choice of socks. It might be weird and make you feel a little exposed, but it shows you’re paying attention to the details others miss. People love this, and it shows how perceptive you can be.
Research from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that compliment-givers underestimated how good their compliments would make people feel. The researchers also found that compliment-givers were in a better mood after delivering a compliment and reported they would be more likely to compliment a stranger in the future.
4. They occasionally disappear
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Not in a dramatic, “I’m off to find myself” way, but in a “I might be here, I might not” kind of way. It’s like playing hide and seek with your social circle. They’ll wonder if you’ve become a monk to pursue the answers to life’s tougher questions (or if you were hit by a bus).
This lack of presence and availability will pull people in. According to psychologist Robert Cialdini, "Whatever is rare, uncommon or dwindling in availability — this idea of scarcity — confers value on objects, or even relationships."
5. They ask good questions
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Instead of babbling endlessly about yourself and your problems, ask more questions. Redirect the focus to others. People love talking about themselves, and you become the sage who knows more than most and remains mysterious.
Harvard University researchers conducted experiments to assess how much people liked talking about themselves and why. In one study, they scanned people’s brains while those people either revealed personal information about themselves or judged the personalities or opinions of others. In another experiment, researchers tested whether people preferred to answer questions about themselves, other people, or neutral facts: most couldn't help talking mostly about themselves.
Yet another study explored whether people wanted to share their answers with others or keep them to themselves. No matter the test, the researchers found the same results: humans get a biochemical buzz from talking about themselves.
6. They're a little bit unpredictable
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Being expected gets boring. You want to be memorable by breaking patterns of behavior. Occasionally, do something out of character. Maybe you’re known for your punctuality, but one day, you’re fashionably late. Keep ’em guessing.
Research on reward psychology shows that unpredictability triggers dopamine release not just when we experience something rewarding, but during the anticipation phase as well. (Think: slot machines.) The uncertainty of when and what type of reward will be received keeps the brain in a state of heightened anticipation, making the behavior more enticing.
7. They don't ramble on about themselves
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Share less about yourself, but when you do, make it count. It can be tempting to tell all, but you need some self-control here. No one deserves to know all your secrets. Keep much of it to yourself and turn your attention to others. This will also reduce any unnecessary anxiety because the spotlight isn’t always on you. Think of yourself as a limited edition collectible. Rarity increases value. It’s as simple as that.
Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) has shown that other people probably aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are. A phenomenon dubbed “the beautiful mess effect" states that we generally view ourselves more negatively than we think others do.
8. They stay unbothered in situations that tend to rattle others
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Social situations can test every one of us. There are many opportunities here to get flustered or annoyed by what others say. This is where you remain calm. The calmest person in the room invites respect because it is not always easy to do. This, like many of these other habits, is a practice that improves over time.
Research conducted with more than a million people found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress to remain calm and in control. The tricky thing about stress is that it’s an essential emotion. Our brains are wired such that it’s challenging to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state, but performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate, not high, levels of stress.
9. They maintain eye contact just a tad longer than necessary
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Hold eye contact just a tad longer than is comfortable. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that says, “I see you, and I’m not looking away.” See this as a fun challenge as you talk to people.
It allows you to see into the window of their souls — this tickles many. Extensive research has shown that holding eye contact elicits attention from others, especially direct gaze.
10. They give off an aura of purpose
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Live like you’re on a mission, even if it’s just to find the best coffee in town. Research from Washington University in St. Louis found that people with a higher sense of purpose were considered to be more romantically attractive.
This doesn’t mean you need to rush around like a headless hyena. You move with purpose and intention. There’s little hesitation, although you can be as present as you like. This gives off an aura of purpose, making you seem like you’re always on the verge of discovering something monumental.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
