If A Woman Has Actual Depth And Integrity, She'll Almost Always Say These 11 Things Casually
Women with true depth and integrity are hard to find, but they'll clue you in with what they say.
shurkin_son / Shutterstock People with real depth and integrity are hard to find. In a world that’s growing faker and more manufactured by the day, these people feel like a breath of fresh air. A lot of women like to act like they have real depth and integrity, but when it comes down to it, they just don’t. Every now and then you’ll meet a woman who really walks the walk, though, and she’ll reveal it through the casual comments she makes.
Jessica Koehler, PhD, an Associate Faculty Member in the University of Arizona Global Campus Psychology Department, said that displaying traits like depth and integrity is a sign that a person is more concerned with intrinsic values than extrinsic values. Intrinsic values include things like relationships with others, while extrinsic values include things like wealth. While it’s not bad to focus on extrinsic values, intrinsic values can really make a difference in who you are.
If a woman has actual depth and integrity, she’ll almost always say these 11 things casually
1. ‘I was wrong about that’
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A woman with depth and integrity won’t be afraid to admit that she’s wrong, and she won’t make a big deal about it. Instead, she’ll just casually slip the observation into a conversation. It’s not easy to say you were wrong, especially if it’s about a matter that was very public. But this kind of woman doesn’t give it a second thought. She doesn’t think that acknowledging she was wrong makes her look bad. Instead, it makes her look strong and secure.
Victor Lipman, MBA, author of “The Type B Manager,” explained how this works in the world of business. “Whether you’re in management or not, being seen as a reliable person who can be counted on to get a job done — and who’ll be straight about it when things aren’t progressing well — is an asset,” he said. “It’s a positive reputation to have.”
Women with depth understand that this extends to everyday life as well. Admitting that you’re wrong gives you a good reputation as someone who is responsible and willing to take accountability for your actions. It shows other people that you can be trusted. If a woman is willing to casually say she was wrong about something, she clearly has a lot of integrity.
2. ‘I want to hear what you have to say’
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A woman with integrity doesn’t want to just run the whole show by herself. Instead, she recognizes the value of receiving input from everyone involved. She wants to hear what other people have to say, and she encourages them to speak up. People with integrity and depth know that they aren’t the smartest person in the room, and they never pretend that they are.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, part of the medical staff at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital Somerset, explained, “At a very basic level, people are animals that have evolved to survive, in large part, by being part of communities. This requires that people connect with each other … We need to feel seen and heard and cared about. We need to feel interconnected with the community around us.”
When a woman asks someone else to speak up and share their thoughts on a certain matter, she is giving them the opportunity to be a part of a community and to feel heard as they connect with others. Women who have depth and integrity will understand how important it is to do this. Some people spend most of their lives feeling unheard and invisible. By saying she wants to hear what that person has to say, that woman is giving them a gift.
3. ‘That was hard, but I’m glad I did it’
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When someone can recognize that challenges are good because they give them an opportunity to grow and become stronger, that’s a sure sign of a person who is deep and has integrity. A woman who acknowledges that she’s glad she went through the hard things because they have taught her important lessons is clearly on the right track. It shows her awareness of herself and the world around her.
Michigan State University noted, “During the time when we are faced with a challenge, you may not look at it as an opportunity, but truly it is. An opportunity to demonstrate strength and determination to overcome. An opportunity to show you are capable, and an opportunity to prove to yourself that you are incredible. These challenges you face don’t define you but are defined by how you handle them and use them to better yourself.”
When a woman with integrity says this, she isn’t bragging about what she has accomplished or overcome. Instead, she’s pointing out the value of facing challenges head on and doing the hard things, no matter how undesirable they may seem. It’s truly just a casual observation she makes because she really means it.
4. ‘I trust myself’
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A woman with depth and integrity will know that she can trust herself. It might not have always been that way for her. It’s very possible that there was a time when she struggled to trust herself and her instincts. But, she’s come out of those times stronger and now knows that she can depend on herself. She won’t be afraid to admit that she trusts herself and feels confident in her choices.
Executive coach Deborah Grayson Riegel, MSW, said that this can be summed up in one trait. “Sincereity is the assessment that you are honest, that you say what you mean and mean what you say; you can be believed and taken seriously,” she said. “It also means when you express an opinion it is valid and is backed up by sound thinking and evidence. Finally, it means that your actions will be aligned with your words.”
A woman who has depth and integrity will trust herself, but not in an arrogant way. Trusting herself will be one way to express confidence in herself, but she knows this is just part of her sincerity. She’s not trying to appear smarter or better equipped than anyone else. She’s simply secure in the knowledge of what she is capable of.
5. ‘Winning isn’t everything’
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A lot of people are focused on winning in the fast-paced, competitive world we live in. They want to come in first no matter what. Women with depth and integrity don’t follow this model. They believe that knowing they did their best is enough of a reward, and they don’t need a first place medal to prove their worth. Their worth is inherent in who they are and can’t be changed by success or lack thereof.
Dr. Cath Bishop, a rower who earned a silver Olympic medal for England in 2004, noted, “Pinning everything on a result is very different from backing yourself to go out and do your best and see where that takes you. It’s a completely different experience to sit on the start line of an Olympic race waiting to deliver your best performance — which is exciting and liberating — than to sit there feeling that you have to win.”
It’s easy for winning to feel like it is, in fact, everything. We all want to come out on top and have bragging rights. But those things aren’t important to women with depth and integrity. Like Bishop, they understand that their best is always enough. If that’s all they have to give, that’s perfectly fine. Nothing else is required.
6. ‘I’m always learning’
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Women with depth and integrity definitely don’t think they know everything. They take on the role of lifelong learners who are always trying to better themselves. They would never assume to be an expert on a certain subject, even if some other people see them that way. They know there’s always more that they can do to add to their knowledge on any topic and it will always benefit them.
Mississippi State University pointed out, “Education fosters innovation and creativity by encouraging individuals to think critically and explore new ideas. It fuels curiosity and instills a desire to question, leading to groundbreaking discoveries and advancements in various fields. Lifelong learners become catalysts for positive change, inspiring others to think outside the box and push the boundaries of possibility.”
These kinds of women can truly create positive change in the world. People who remain stagnant in their knowledge and believe they know everything there is to know are not the ones who innovate. Instead, as MSU said, it’s the ones who continue learning and keep up with changing realities. Women with depth and integrity understand this and want to keep learning for this reason.
7. ‘Tell me if I ever make you feel differently’
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Women with depth and integrity are all about respect and treating other people well. Part of the whole idea of integrity is really acting the same way whether people are watching you or not. That means treating everyone with respect, from a server to a CEO. These women will want the people close to them to let them know if they ever make them feel disrespected or uncared for, and they’ll invite them to tell them if so.
Part of doing this is leading by example. Therapist Michael Morgan, LMFT, encouraged people to show others “what is acceptable and unacceptable” in how they treat them. He added, “It is knowing what we need and want, and being able to communicate it effectively to others.”
Women with these traits respect themselves, so they would have no problem speaking up if they felt like they weren’t receiving that respect from someone else — especially someone important to them. They would expect other people to return the favor and let them know if they ever feel like they treat them with anything other than the utmost respect and kindness.
8. ‘I’m not into drama’
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Women with integrity and depth are definitely not here for drama. While some women seem to crave drama and get into it however they can, whether it’s in real life or even through watching dramatic TV shows, women with depth know drama is pointless and just wastes time and energy. They see no point in getting into some kind of verbal altercation with other women just to entertain themselves or prove that they’re capable of creating interesting drama. They’re above that.
Antonieta Contreras, the author of “Traumatization and Its Aftermath,” noted, “This isn’t just about attention-seeking behavior, underneath most dramatic behavior lies a person desperately trying to understand who they are, either because they never developed a strong sense of self, or because their confidence was shaken by setbacks like a demotion, a loss, or harsh criticism. When someone lacks a strong sense of self, provoking or fueling drama can become a way to assert their existence, whether consciously or unconsciously.”
Women with depth and integrity do not struggle with this at all because they have already established a strong sense of self. They know who they are and, as we’ve established, they trust themselves and their decision-making skills. They aren’t looking for any other kind of validation that could come with riling people up or pulling folks to their side. They’re content as is.
9. ‘We can agree to disagree’
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Just like women with integrity and depth aren’t looking for drama, they aren’t looking for a fight either. They understand that no one is going to agree with them on every single point, even the person who is closest to them, so they accept that they’ll agree to disagree instead. They don’t turn this into a big deal and use it as a chance to show how accommodating they are. When they say it, they genuinely mean it. It’s no longer an issue.
Conflict transformation specialist Melody Stanford Martin posed some interesting questions about this often-used phrase. “The trope ‘agree to disagree’ is often the end of conversations,” she said. “But what if it was the beginning? What if the point of the conversation is not to agree, but to have a conversation? What would happen if instead of trying to change or control each other, we focus on seeing and understanding each other?”
This is what deep women with integrity are trying to do. They want to really have conversations with people they disagree with. They don’t want things to go so far that they or the person they’re speaking to start acting nasty, but they want to encourage discussion and open dialogue, regardless of personal opinions. They don’t see disagreement as the end of a relationship, ever.
10. ‘It’s important to be honest with each other’
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Women with integrity know how important honesty is. It’s a key part of having integrity, after all. Whether they’re talking to their partner, a friend or family member, or a colleague, they want that person to share their authentic, honest self and opinions. And, of course, they’ll do the same in return. Still, they’ll say this casually because they just expect it as the norm and the standard everyone has.
Rick Hanson, PhD, senior fellow at the University of California Berkeley’s Greater Good Center, stated, “In relationships at all scales — in couples, communities, and whole societies — a good process must include telling the truth and playing fair. It is not a guarantee, but lying and cheating are guaranteed to poison relationships over time.”
Deep women with integrity are well aware of this fact. They understand that honesty is essential for any relationship to thrive, and they aren’t afraid to say so. They are honest with the people they encounter, and they expect that same courtesy in return. There’s no other way for the world to work successfully, and they’re willing to push for what they deserve on this matter.
11. ‘I prefer real conversations’
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Is it any surprise that a woman with depth would value conversations that go beyond the surface-level? Of course this kind of woman is going to say that she prefers to have real conversations on deep topics that are more than just small talk and niceties. No part of this woman is shallow, including the conversations she engages in. Everything has to be real and vulnerable.
Health and wellness writer Marissa Moore shared that vulnerability increases how close you feel with someone, the level of trust you have with them, and your ability to express your feelings. She went on to say, “Vulnerability can provide a sense of belonging and is essential to the human experience. If you learn your barriers to openness, you can take steps to overcome them and may even enjoy a better sense of connection with others.”
Anyone can have a polite chat about the weather and the news of the day. Women of depth and integrity crave something deeper. They want to be vulnerable with people, even if they don’t know them incredibly well. Having real, deep conversations is essential to them. They don’t want to stay in the shallow end. Instead, they open up, and they want others to do the same, so they aren’t afraid to mention it.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
