If A Man Feels Powerless In His Life, He'll Start Controlling These 11 Little Things At Home
When life feels out of control, some men find power in the smallest things.
Marjan Apostolovic | Shutterstock When a man starts to feel powerless in his life, he often looks for ways to regain control — even if it's in small, seemingly harmless ways. Losing control over his career, relationships, or sense of direction can stir up deep anxiety and self-doubt. To manage those emotions, he shifts his focus to things he can control right in front of him. It's not always conscious, but it's an attempt to rebuild a sense of stability when the rest of his life feels unpredictable.
That control often shows up at home. He starts to micromanage chores, routines, or how things are done around the house because it gives him a temporary sense of power and calm. These behaviors might look like quirks or preferences from the outside, but they often reflect a man's effort to regain control of his emotions and self-worth.
If a man feels powerless in his life, he'll start controlling these 11 little things at home:
1. He starts assigning chores and making house rules
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When a man feels powerless in his life, he may find that controlling chores and house rules at home helps him to regain a sense of authority over his life. When he feels like there are so many things in his life that he has no control over, even something small like chores and rules can help calm the anxiety that he may be feeling due to a lack of power.
If he struggles with control issues, he may feel a psychological need to be the one dictating certain things to reduce his anxiety, explains Susan Albers, a psychologist. In order to manage his emotions, he feels like he needs power over all aspects of his life, but that is not realistic.
2. He gets strict about his sleep schedule
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When everything in his life feels like it is out of his power, a man may start hyper-fixating on controlling his sleep schedule at home. In these moments, he clings to predictability and order in his life.
Knowing exactly when he will go to sleep and when he will wake up can provide him with the predictable structure that he longs for when everything else feels out of his grasp. He may also feel very overwhelmed and stressed out with life, so managing his sleep schedule can be his way of trying to focus on tasks that help calm his negative emotions.
“Revenge sleep procrastination is mainly about control. When we don't feel like we can control what happens during the daytime, we fight the feeling of disempowerment by doing whatever we can to take control of our night hours,” according to MyWellbeing, a platform dedicated to matching individuals with a therapist or coach that best fits their needs.
3. He becomes protective of his personal stuff
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By managing and organizing his personal belongings, a man can feel like he has a sense of control over his life even when he feels powerless. Having control over personal belongings is another behavior that allows him to create some predictability in his life, as well.
Caring for and controlling his possessions not only helps him manage his fear of uncertainty, but it may also impact his self-identity. By maintaining these items, he can begin to reclaim his self-value and start feeling capable again after feeling a lack of control.
4. He pays close attention to what he eats
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If a man feels powerless in his life, he will start trying to gain control over his food and diet while at home. This is a small but very accessible aspect of his life, so being able to take control over something like this allows him a sense of power and self-discipline.
When he feels a loss of control and power, he may realize the importance of focusing on the things he can control, like his diet. “There's no way to give up control until you know where in life it's needed. Take stock of what you have going on. Think through the areas of life that are in your control and those that aren't,” mentions Ariane Resnick, a certified nutritionist.
5. He dives deep into his hobbies
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When a man feels powerless in his life, he will likely start controlling his hobbies and interests while at home. Feeling no control over external aspects of his life will cause him to seek control over his more personal areas.
When he has difficulty with accepting that there are some parts of life that will remain uncertain to him, he may develop a need for security. This leads him to seek control over things like hobbies that will not only help him regulate his emotions but also restore his self-esteem by making him feel capable.
6. He gets particular about the house
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When a man feels powerless in his life, he may begin to develop insecurities and feelings of anxiety. This may cause him to want to take control over his home environment.
A 2022 study found that many men feel shame when they are not able to control their ability to live up to societal and gender expectations. When he feels like he has no power over his career or the external environment he exists in, he will aim to take charge of his personal and internal environment to hopefully calm his anxiety and mend his low self-esteem. However, if his control over his home environment includes taking control over those he shares the home with, this can quickly develop into an unhealthy dynamic that should be talked about with a professional.
7. He plans his days down to the minute
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When a man feels powerless in his life, he may start trying to control what his daily schedule looks like at home. To overcome and cope with feelings of uncertainty, he will focus on what he can control, which is his own personal routines.
While creating more order within his life and managing his overwhelming emotions, he can improve his self-esteem during powerless times, too. If other uncontrollable aspects of his life are leaving him feeling helpless and inadequate, taking charge of his daily schedule can boost his feelings of capability and his overall mental health.
8. He starts tracking every dollar
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Men who feel powerless and lack control will try their best to gain control over their finances at home. While there will be some expenses that are hard for him to take full authority over, by budgeting and managing his money, he can start to feel slightly more powerful.
If finances are a major aspect of their life that is causing them to feel a lack of control and stress, then trying to understand their finances and manage them is the way that they combat the stress from feeling a lack of control. “By tackling your money problems head on, you can find a way through the financial quagmire, ease your stress levels, and regain control of your finances—and your life.” explains HelpGuide, a nonprofit organization that provides individuals with resources to better their mental health and well-being.
9. He insists on being the one who makes decisions
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A man who feels a lack of control and powerlessness over his life may start controlling the decision-making at home. If he is feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable, then he may try to gain agency elsewhere, which leads him to wanting to be the ultimate decision maker.
Feeling like he has no ability to make decisions in his external environment can negatively impact his self-esteem. By making sure he has all the power over decisions in his internal environment, he feels a boost in the way he feels about himself.
10. He gets picky about who he spends time with
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While life outside of his home may feel nerve-wracking and overwhelming due to its uncertain nature, his home is where he gets to feel power over his life. Socially, he gets to dictate who he lets into his home and how long those individuals get to stay.
This can help him to feel the sense of control he has been longing for. It can calm any vulnerable feeling he may have pertaining to societal expectations because while he is in the comfort of his own space, he is the one in control and calling all the social shots.
11. He gets more strict with the kids
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Men who are also fathers will likely take control over their parenting style when they feel powerless in their lives. While at home, they will decide in what ways they should parent without having to conform to how others believe they should.
By taking control over their parenting style, they can feel like they have some say over what happens within their own life at home and what happens with their children’s lives as well. While not all men who feel powerless find a sense of control in managing these things at home, many do, and it helps them to overcome their negative emotions while also developing their self-esteem.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
