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Start standing up for yourself in whatever relationship you're in.
By Emily Blackwood — Written on Dec 08, 2021
There's so much power in being happy alone.
Other than the obvious perks like pizza for one and getting to do pretty much whatever you want 24 hours, seven days a week, one major benefit of being content with singlehood is that you have all the leverage when it comes to your next relationship.
When you're needy for approval and arms to fall into, you get desperate.
You agree with everything he says. You willingly pay for dates. You do whatever you think he wants you to do just so he'll stick around.
We've all been in this place before. It's not fun, and it never works out.
Because A) nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who's overly insecure and needy, and B) you're not putting yourself first so you never really get what you want.
The only way to have the ball in your court is to not give a s*** if you're playing the game at all. You've got to be totally, 100% okay with walking away from this relationship the moment he stops treating you the way you deserve.
And okay, I know it's not like you can just snap your fingers and somehow magically become this empowered woman.
But the only way to get there is to start acting like you are.
Right now. Start standing up for yourself in whatever relationship you're in.
If you're in a serious relationship with a guy, and you're constantly taking his s*** and feeling desperate, then stop taking his s***.
Don't give a big speech or get all pouty and make him ask what's wrong. Just simply stop reacting to his BS and go do something productive, like getting your nails done or calling your mom.
If you're just starting to date a guy, and he's already asking you to drive to his house instead of him coming to you, just ask him if tonight's too inconvenient and if he'd rather reschedule.
If you're single AF, but you keep making out/sleeping with the same guys at the same bar (and wondering why none of them are asking you out), then stop going to that damn bar.
You can be strong and stand up for yourself without losing your cool.
Sometimes all it takes is some time to breathe and adjust your perspective to see what needs to change. No matter what your circumstances are, there is always something you can do.
And taking the initiative in your own life will get a lot more results than waiting around for someone else to save you or for a relationship to make you happy.
Once you start making those little decisions (like telling your two-month-long booty call that you've secretly been in love with that you're just "too sleepy" tonight), then you will soon evolve into this awesome, single b**** who doesn't want a relationship just for the sake of having one.
Then the ball is in your court. Then you know how to make him work for it.
Then you get the relationship you've always wanted. The relationship you deserve.
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Emily Blackwood is a writer who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between. Follow her on Twitter.