Photo: Zolotarevs / Shutterstock
It's about energy, not gender roles.
By Dr. Kate Balestrieri — Last updated on Jan 27, 2023
How does a modern woman cultivate feminine energy? There's no definitive guide for how much of the feminine energy to embrace or in what contexts it can best serve you.
The whole idea of feminine energy can sound a little "woo-woo" to some women, while others embrace this construct freely.
But how does one tap into their feminine energy? First, it's important to understand what exactly it means to have feminine energy.
What is feminine energy?
Feminine energy refers to a set of characteristics that are believed to be the opposite of those associated with masculine energy. (We'll get into that more later on.)
Feminine energy is flowing, dynamic, and cannot be predicted or explained by rationality. This mostly has to do with the fact that feminine energy isn't constrained by what people would call "social norms" because it only follows the heart.
When women talk about harnessing their feminine energy, the primary things to consider are identity and motive. The manner in which any woman sees herself is essential to understanding how she navigates her organic feminine (and masculine) side.
How is feminine energy different from masculine energy?
Notions of masculine and feminine energy can get pretty convoluted, even among professionals.
Looking at feminine and masculine energy from a blend of various lenses — such as psychology, sociology, energy work, and neurology — can perhaps shed some light on what exactly it is and how you can cultivate it in your life.
How masculinity and femininity are labeled and discussed seems to be similar across domains, but the motive and acceptance of those terms vary.
Masculine energy, sometimes referred to as "yang," often refers to a mindset, certain characteristics, and patterns of behavior that are active and action-oriented.
Masculine characteristics include:
- Action-oriented
- Giving and generous
- Organizational
- Systemizing
- Analytical
- Logical
- Singularly focused
- Aggressive
- Individualistic
- Challenging
- Rigid
Feminine energy, or "yin," denotes a disposition rooted in stillness. Held in concert, this polarity of masculinity and femininity represents a balance of activity and stillness.
Feminine characteristics include:
- Stillness (being passive)
- Receiving
- Spontaneous
- Fluid
- Empathic
- Feeling
- Multitasking
- Nurturing
- Collective
- Accepting
- Flexible
It's about energy, not gender roles.
Many people in contemporary society reject the labels of masculine and feminine, believing they are outdated and sexist, while others cling to binary gender roles as a blueprint for life.
Certainly, the labels of masculine and feminine can lead to dicey pairings with gender roles, which is not necessarily what these different groupings of energy or characteristics were created to delineate.
Can you have both feminine and masculine energy?
Whether someone has more masculine or feminine traits is not necessarily tied to their gender. Every person needs to possess some aspect of both masculine and feminine energy.
Think about it: If you were always passive, you would never even get out of bed, let alone send back an undercooked meal at a restaurant, or set boundaries with an overbearing coworker.
The simple act of standing up to hustle for your morning coffee is considered masculine by these definitions.
Everyone on the gender continuum exhibits traits that are outlined as masculine or feminine, regardless of their brain sex or body sex. Biology plays a role, but social conditioning has a lot to do with how we learn to express our genetic potential.
According to an early study, every human starts as a female. Those who develop into men generally do so because they are introduced to a Y chromosome. The levels of testosterone that follow allow for the expression of male biology.
All humans have the capacity for personality traits that have been labeled societally as "male" or "female" characteristics. But over time, how they are socialized and inherent biological dispositions in their temperament lead to one side or the other becoming more dominant.
Some people’s dominance is slight, while others are more exaggerated. Confidence, dominance, and an altogether "alpha" attitude go with what may be considered as hyper-masculine energy, but that can exist in people regardless of their biological gender.
On the flip side, the hyper-feminine might be better portrayed by the quiet, passive, receptive, and softer personality — someone who does not stir up trouble or make waves, but instead sits back and observes, empathizes, and accepts.
The very same person can exhibit these wildly opposite traits, if they’ve learned how to access them.
How To Tap Into Your Feminine Energy
It's imperative to ask yourself why you want to challenge your current expression. Reconsider any changes you wish to make in your expression of femininity.
Do you feel pressured to do so from family, social, or professional groups, or due to an absence of dating prospects?
Only make changes if they feel aligned with your own values. Continuing to contort yourself into the box of what you believe is expected of you is a surefire way to bring on distress, anxiety, depression, and self-betrayal.
1. Slow down.
If your pace is always something close to turbo speed, consider taking a pause.
Chronic busyness plagues our culture as a means of getting ahead and a way of staying distracted from feelings that are uncomfortable, like vulnerability.
Getting in touch with your feminine side requires you to be more adept at navigating vulnerability. The fallacy is that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but the practice of accepting the risks inherent in vulnerability requires Olympian strength.
Withstanding the wind is a trait assigned to the feminine because staying put is often perceived as weak, but stillness in discomfort requires an endurance that fight-or-flight just cannot sustain.
2. Examine your defenses and unmet needs in life.
Often, when someone is operating in survival mode, they tend to function with less patience and more impulsivity.
Being quick to act may keep you safe from a lunging tiger or a speeding Mercedes. But the antithesis is openness, receptivity, and the kind of stillness needed to accept, nurture, and blossom.
Learning about your unmet needs can set you free from them.
Easier said than done, but knowing how to meet your needs — either for yourself or through amazing people you trust to let in — can leave you feeling more steady, secure, and able to rest from a constant state of survival-based activities.
Flowers don’t bloom in a wildfire, and people can’t holistically thrive when they are doing their best just to survive.
3. Practice saying 'thank you.'
Gratitude is the practice of accepting what is available and cherishing it as abundance. This simple shift in your mind can activate neuropathway development that guides you towards positivity, another subtlety of the feminine.
This is not to say settling or accepting mistreatment, but allowing for compliments to land without explaining them away or for lemonade to be made from life’s lemons can shift your mindset into one that's calm, content, and soft.
All of this allows for deep connection and presence within yourself and those around you.
4. Aim for balance.
Cherish your masculine traits just as much as you might the feminine.
In order for calm to set in, the body must first know what it means to be in action. The same is true in reverse.
The tension between activity and stillness is necessary for the survival of any living being, so even if you tend to possess more masculine traits, that’s okay. Own them. Cherish them, too.
Self-loathing is not possible when you accept and love all of your parts. Self-love allows more organic expression of your fullest range of traits.
5. Check your biases.
Do you bristle any time someone uses feminine language?
For some women, a level of internalized sexism or misogyny has made it challenging for them to accept and develop the parts of themselves that may have led them to feel vulnerable, unworthy, targeted, or broken.
Examine how you feel about gender, the messages you received about it, and how that may shape your willingness to allow a little more tenderness into your psyche and social presence.
6. Be tender with yourself and others.
Show yourself and those around you some empathy, especially when it feels hard. That doesn't mean allowing yourself to be treated poorly, but compassion can exist without condoning actions.
Give yourself a break and a little extra tenderness. Let the stillness set in.
Above all, remember this: The goal is to strike a balance between your right and left brain, active and passive, and masculine and feminine. These traits are two sides of the same coin, not mutually exclusive entities.
Give yourself permission to get to know all of your various dimensions — and let them be seen fully.
7. Let your playful side out.
Being playful allows you to stay lighter and more positive, which can help with your productivity.
Take some alone time away from your daily duties. Just let yourself tap into your inner child once in a while to help you reset yourself and your mindset.
8. Allow yourself to feel your emotions.
Feminine energy is all about your heart and the energy it exudes. So, when it comes to emotions, you need to let yourself feel those thoroughly, deeply, intimately.
No more covering up that someone hurt you, no more hiding how excited you are because others think it's dumb, and no more not letting yourself cry. You need that cry. Your heart is telling you so.
Listen to it and allow yourself the space to feel your feelings with no shame or regrets.
9. Be creative.
Creativity is linked with feminine energy because the heart craves it. This means passion.
Ask yourself what you are passionate about, then go do it. Go out dancing, paint a picture, write a song, make a sculpture — you can tap into this energy in so many ways.
Your imagination is the only thing that can limit you.
10. Take care of yourself.
Another way to activate your feminine energy is to take care of and honor your body.
Think of your body as a temple. You want to keep it together, feed it the food it needs, keep it hydrated, keep it moving, and give it some love.
No more hating being a woman because of your monthly cycle; instead, appreciate it. Your body runs 24/7 to help you stay healthy, so the least you can do is embrace it and honor it.
More for You:
Dr. Kate Balestrieri is a licensed psychologist who focuses on helping people heal from trauma, addiction, and relationship issues.
This article was originally published at Poosh. Reprinted with permission from the author.