The One Phrase That Immediately Shuts Down Toxic Conversations
It's about you and your sanity, not them.
@justaskjefferson / TikTok, Fizkes / Shutterstock There are so many reasons a person might choose to end a conversation. The other party might be deflecting and not providing adequate answers, you may need to walk away to keep your emotions in check, or you simply have nothing more to say.
But the worst kind of interactions are the ones that are toxic, make you feel awkward, and have no value to you.
TikToker Jefferson Fisher, a trial attorney who, according to him, “teaches people how to argue and communicate,” shared his go-to method for shutting down toxic conversations.
According to Fisher, the best way to shut down a conversation is to say, 'I’m not going there.'
Fisher started by saying that if you happen to find yourself in a conversation where you don’t feel safe or comfortable, you should “shut it down.” He said that in his career, he deals with conflict daily and has to move on if the conversation is not productive.
One phrase that Fisher gives to use when exiting a toxic conversation is, “I’m not going there.” He makes sure viewers understand that once that is said, there is nothing more to say.
There are two reasons telling someone that you are not going there works in closing out conversations that you’d rather not be having:
1. It’s about you, not them.
Because you have placed the accountability for not having the conversation on yourself, the blame game doesn’t come up, so they have nothing to be defensive about.
When arguing with someone or criticizing them, their walls automatically go up and they enter "fight or flight mode," ready to protect themselves against your verbal assault.
By saying that you are not going to participate in the conversation, you are respectfully bowing out without calling the other person "toxic" or making them responsible for your unwillingness to engage. You made the choice and whatever the repercussions are, they rest on your shoulders.
2. You know that this won’t end well.
The word "there" is ambiguous, but by simply saying it, you are letting a person know that you have insight into where conversations like this one lead and you have no interest in ending up in that place.
Whether they care to admit it or not, they know where "there" is as well, but unlike you they were ready to go full speed ahead into an abyss of controversy.
Knowing what your boundaries are is powerful when dealing with people who don’t want to have healthy conversations. You have a right to protect your peace and your sanity, and part of that is knowing what triggers you and makes you become defensive yourself.
It’s totally up to you to practice self-care by only involving yourself in effective and respectful conversations.
Conversations should be enriching and soulful and should create deeper relationships and contribute to your happiness. Just because you have a conflict with another person, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a thoughtful, compassionate way to have a difficult conversation in a way that makes everyone feel like a winner.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington who specializes in content self-love, interpersonal relationships, and lifestyle topics. She strives to deliver informative and entertaining news you can use to help navigate life.