How To Know The Exact Right Thing To Say At Every Moment

Learn how to keep those "lost moments" from slipping through your fingers.

Last updated on Apr 12, 2023

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Have you ever been out and about going through your day when you see an attractive guy, but you don't have the confidence to do anything about it? Or maybe he even comes up to you and talks with you, but you just can't think of what to say or how to respond.

Of course, about fifteen minutes later, you realize the perfect thing you could have said or done to flirt with him.

This is surprisingly common for most people. 


I call these moments when you wish you could go back and do or say something you think up after the fact "lost moments."

Believe it or not, there is actually a way to condition yourself to catch these things as they are happening so that you don't miss out on a meeting or get asked out by the right guy.

How do you do this? You simply have to train yourself to know exactly what you want at any given moment.

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Identify what you want — and let it guide the conversation

You see, so many of us focus on what we don't want that we actually have no idea what we do want.

  • We don't want to look stupid.
  • We don't want to say something awkward.
  • We don't want to look needy or desperate.
  • We don't want to blow our chances.

When you focus so much on what you don't want, you actually don't have a clear picture of what it is you hope to happen between you and the other person.

It's no wonder that you have a hard time thinking of what to say or do until the moment slips through your fingers. You were so focused on what not to do or what not to say that you didn't really know the exact outcome you wanted.

Instead, when you focus on what you do want, you have a clearer picture of the exact outcome you're hoping to get out of a situation. It is then much easier to think of things to do or say that will take you there.


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Practice discovering your wants every day

So, to help you avoid more "lost moments," I would recommend that you get in the habit of focusing on what you do want in any given situation.

I want you to do this throughout your entire day, not just when you see someone you'd like to meet or date.

Periodically, throughout the day, stop yourself and ask, "What do I really want right now?" Is it a snack? A glass of water? A 10-minute break?

You might find that this is hard at first. That just means that you aren't very connected with what you actually do want at any given moment, so you benefit from this exercise even more.


Remember, the more you practice doing something like this, the more readily it will be there for you when you need it (like in those moments when you meet a guy that you like).

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Be patient with yourself as you decide what you want

Any skill takes time and practice to develop, just like being a good chef. It's unlikely you'll just show up without any cooking experience and create an amazing gourmet dish.

Instead, you will probably need experience and practice to cook something delicious from scratch.

It's exactly the same when it comes to training yourself to focus on what you want.


Focusing more on what you want and having a clear image of what you desire in any given situation has a huge impact on your dating and love life. It will also spill over into other areas of your life too, such as your career and health.

Remember that the clearer of an image you have of what you want, the more likely it is that you're going to get it. Not because of some magic, new-age thinking, but simply because of your inspiration to go after what you want when those moments present themselves, rather than consigning them to "lost moments."

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Clay Andrews is a relationship coach and founder of Attract the One. He specializes in helping people repair, save and build relationships.