How To Avoid Getting Hurt By Men In 7 Simple Steps

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I was at a conference, talking to a woman about what I do. She told me about a very smart woman who teaches finance — very accomplished, many awards, and lots of respect from her peers. But she said that this very smart woman turns stupid when it comes to dating men.

Why do we do that? 

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It's because most of what we know comes to us from outside influences, like fairy tales, love-at-first-sight-happily-ever-after-with-no-problems-EVER movies and novels, lame advice from friends, and inane articles in most women's magazines.


And there are no tools to know how to do it any different. You keep meeting the same guy, just in different men. It always starts out great, and they ghost you or stop answering your texts as enthusiastically as they did before.

How To Avoid Getting Hurt By Men In 7 Simple Steps

1. Don't take it personally ... any of it.

Everyone is just trying their way through this world, and most of the time it isn't personal when they end it with you. 


2. Don't get physical too soon. It muddles the brain.

Doing this helps you figure out if he wants you for more than just your body. You want a real connection and you want it with someone who's after the same thing you are.

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3. Don't lose yourself, stay centered, and breathe deeply.

Don't try to become somebody you're not while you're chasing after a guy.

4. Don't try to guess an answer to "What did he mean when he did/said that?"

We want to be with people who are upfront and direct. No more mind games.

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5. Enjoy each date, then go about your life as normal.

Look forward to these dates, but don't act like you're hearing wedding bells after one date. It takes a lot of time to get to know a person.

6. If he calls, fine. If not, go about your life and refer to #1.

Don't put your life on hold waiting for a guy who might or might not call you.

7. Don't get emotionally attached until he does.

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Make sure he feels the same before you go on about being exclusive. You don't want to guess what he's feeling.


It's easier said than done, but if you look at this list on a regular basis, maybe you'll keep your wits about you, and enjoy dating a whole lot more.

Kara Oh is the author of Men Made Easy, a guide to understanding men and empowering women.