If Holidays Feel Bittersweet For You As You Get Older, You Probably Have These 11 Reasons
It's not always the 'most magical time' of the year, but you're not alone.
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock If you find the holidays to be a season of sadness, loneliness, and sorrow, rather than joy and fun, you're not alone. According to experts from the Cleveland Clinic, the "holiday blues" are more common than they might seem, especially with the nuanced experiences of grief, loss, and loneliness lingering in the background of holiday celebrations and get-togethers. Whether it's struggling with complicated family dynamics or watching everyone online celebrate while you're at home, if the holidays feel bittersweet for you as you get older, you probably have these reasons.
With the tendency to compare your situation to those on social media or even cope with everything else that's happening in the world, celebrating the holidays could be the last thing on your mind. But if you're dealing with this discomfort and fear about the approaching holidays, there are healthy ways to cope. Start thinking about your routines and rituals now, so you're safe and secure when the holidays arrive.
If holidays feel bittersweet for you as you get older, you probably have these 11 reasons
1. You've lost a loved one
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock
Holidays can often amplify feelings of grief when you've lost a loved one, whether it's a recent loss or one that you've been coping with for decades, according to psychologist Roni Beth Tower. Not only is it common to feel a yearning for their company amid the sentimental nature of the holidays, but it can also feel isolating to watch everyone else enjoying time with their own families and loved ones.
You may even feel angry, jealous, or envious of others over the holidays — going to holiday parties and even complaining about the family drama that comes with going home. Managing this grief isn't always easy, but there are ways to cope healthily. Lean on the people you do have in life, find ways to remember your loved one, and don't be afraid to open up — your close friends and family may be exactly the support you need to feel better.
2. You're lonely
Pressmaster | Shutterstock
According to a study from Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, Christmas and other holidays can often worsen mood and mental health for people grappling with loneliness. Even if it's easy to cope with and suppress throughout the year, if you've moved away from family, are struggling to make friends, or are coping with a loss, the holidays can bring up a lot of old wounds.
Even if your loneliness stems from being single or having a small family around the holidays, you're not alone. Many people deal with complex emotional feelings — rooted in suppressed discomfort and personal fears — around the holidays, all of which can feel disilluminating and confusing in the moment.
3. You're reminded of the passage of time
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
For the same reason some people dislike their birthdays, holidays can sometimes be a reminder of the passage of time. They're reflective moments that not only encourage us to look back on the year and our lives, but to consider how far we've come.
For some people, this mindfulness is grounding and helpful, but for others, it can feel scary and destabilizing. If you're the former, you're not alone. Being anxious about time slipping away is scary for most people, but give yourself grace to cope. Let it be a reminder to live in the present moment and appreciate the people around you now.
4. You're struggling with your mental health
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
Depression triggered by the holiday feels a lot like typical mental health struggles. Whether you're grappling with loneliness, feeling generally low-vibe, or struggling to get yourself out of a rut, the holidays can often spark and amplify a lot of mental health struggles that we already deal with.
It can feel especially disorienting during this season, especially when we're watching everyone else having fun, spending time with family, and enjoying themselves — both online and offline. There's a pressure to be joyful and excited, even when we don't feel it. If that's you, you're not alone.
5. Your plate is full
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
According to a study shared by Harvard Medical School, more than 60% of people argue that their stress levels are heightened during the holiday season. Whether it's financial burdens, a full place of hosting responsibilities, or a fear about keeping "the magic" alive for your kids, if your plate is already full, chances are the holidays feel a little bittersweet as you get older.
Taking moments for mindfulness and taking care of yourself first is the key to enjoying, or at the very least healthily tolerating, the holidays. If you're personally stressed out and struggling, you have less to offer in every aspect of your life.
6. You're dealing with financial distress
Basicdog | Shutterstock
Nearly 30% of Americans struggle with financial stress and strain over the holidays. From hosting family gatherings to spending on gifts, and even grappling with the envy that comes from watching other people travel and go out during this season of the year, it can be burdensome.
If you're dealing with financial stress, know that you're not in this alone. Even affording the basic necessities in the current state of the world can be a struggle, let alone affording gifts for your family and dealing with the holiday-induced shame of your financial state.
7. You're experiencing nostalgic depression
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Many people experiencing nostalgic depression over the holidays are reminded of the "old times" often and struggle to deal with the grief they hold over missing out on the magic of childhood holidays. Whether it's constant reminders of a person you've lost in your life or a nostalgia for when traditions in your family were alive and well, it's not uncommon to feel sad without truly understanding the root.
Many people have different triggers for this kind of nostalgic depression over the holidays, but understanding where your trigger lives can help with coping strategies. Whether it's photo memories from the past on Facebook or the smell of a Christmas tree, be graceful with acknowledging the root of your sadness, and moving forward to call in joy.
8. You have a bad relationship with family
fizkes | Shutterstock
If you have a tumultuous relationship with your family or are struggling with feelings seen and valued in a room with loved ones, the holidays might feel more bittersweet for you as you get older. You're less likely to suppress and avoid these complex feelings, and more likely to internalize them and even recognize them as your more mature self.
Old childhood trauma wounds and disconnects with family don't simply disappear because the holidays roll around. Especially when you're watching everyone else spend quality time with their families and appreciate the holidays because of the love, it's easy to feel resentful and alone.
9. Your family traditions have disappeared
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock
A lot of the sadness we feel around nostalgia during the holiday season is rooted in a disappointment that the past is over. We're grieving the loss of a person we love, traditions we used to share with family, or an internal sense of childlike wonder about the magic of the season.
As adults and as we get older, the responsibilities and stress tend to take over. The gift-giving, financial burdens, family drama, and resentment we feel take over. If holidays feel bittersweet for you as you get older, you might have these reasons, but you're not alone.
10. You're dealing with seasonal affective disorder
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock
People who deal with the "holiday blues" during the winter months may be struggling with "seasonal affective disorder" — an experience where a person's brain offers less serotonin during the cold, dark, and isolating winter months.
When the holidays roll around, they can bring a fleeting sense of hope, but once they're over or the reality of the stress of the season returns, it can amplify those feelings of sadness and loneliness.
11. You're dreading the return to reality
mkfilm | Shutterstock
The reality of life after the holidays can be enough to make the celebrations feel bittersweet. Whether it's looming post-holiday deadlines at work, dealing with the cold, dark weather, or not having a holiday to look forward to, if the holidays feel bittersweet as you get older, you probably have these reasons.
But it's possible to make a bit of self-made magic for ourselves to enjoy the holidays and come out optimistic on the other side. Whether it's new rituals, intentional New Year's resolutions, or even a new goal, sometimes these small things can snap us out of the dreariness we've latched onto during this season of life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
