High IQ People With Low Self-Esteem Often Do These 11 Unintentional Things
TanyaJoy | Shutterstock Being highly intelligent can open up plenty of opportunities. From gaining access to the best schools to the possibility of snagging the best jobs, it can seem like intelligent people have it all. In reality, high IQ people with low self-esteem often struggle in ways that are unique and lead them to do unintentional things that sabotage their happiness.
Intelligent people who lack confidence let their insecurities get the best of them. Not taking the initiative and refusing to express themselves, these people might be taken advantage of for their passivity. That's why it's important for high IQ people with low self-esteem to keep an eye out for these behaviors.
High IQ people with low self-esteem often do these 11 unintentional things
1. Overthinking everything
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High IQ people who also have low self-esteem tend to overthink before deciding. That's because they lack confidence in their ability to make a decision, despite how smart they are.
Overall, this is pretty typical. A study published in Nature Communications found that smart people take longer to solve complicated problems. Researchers found that this is because their brains take longer to process information.
Yet, unlike confident high-IQ people, smart people with low self-esteem may reach the best conclusion and still not commit to a decision. This is because they're not confident enough to voice their opinions or be confident in their findings.
2. Over-apologizing
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People with a high IQ and low self-esteem often apologize way too much. They may say "sorry" even when something is not at all their fault.
This adds up, as research published in the journal American Psychologist found people with low self-confidence can sometimes struggle to assess other people's emotions.
This explains why some people with a high IQ don't know how to read the room and recognize when someone else has wronged them. A study published in The European Journal of Social Psychology found that people who apologize for social rejection (e.g., canceling plans at the last minute) often make others more aggressive.
A person with low self-esteem, no matter how high their IQ may be, will continue apologizing until they are able to reconcile what they know intellectually (that it's not their fault) with the message their low self-esteem is sending (that they're only lovable when apologizing).
3. Craving constant reassurance
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Another indicator that someone has a high IQ but low self-esteem is their need for constant reassurance. Although there's nothing wrong with a bit of comfort, seeking constant reassurance and advice from others isn't always a great idea. It might lead to dependency issues for high-IQ people.
While some of this need may come from being prone to depression or other mental health struggles, as suggested by a study published in Intelligence. Reasearchers found that high-IQ people tend to be more susceptible to mood disorders. It's easy to extrapolate, then, that disorders like anxiety and depression can cause high IQ to go into panic mode and question their ability to handle difficult situations.
This combined explains why knowledgeable people need to go to others for support. Their mental health puts doubt into their mind, leading them to question their capability.
4. Overworking
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People who have low self-esteem often feel like they have to go above and beyond to prove their worth. They'll work late and keep 'perfecting' their work until it's 'good enough.' This may be amplified when a high IQ person feels passionately about their work.
Though initially that might sound unproblematic, they may be using the guise of being a hard worker to compensate for their low self-confidence. It can also become a problem when they overwork despite not wanting to. Sometimes, a voice deep inside them tells them it's necessary in order to prove their worth.
This is why high-IQ people often benefit from exploring different ways to ground themselves and take it easy. Finding ways to ease that paranoia and anxiety, though difficult, will only pay off in the end.
5. Refusing to take a compliment
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People who have a high IQ but lack self-esteem often freeze when others compliment them. Blushing hot red, they'll stutter and finally mutter disagreement when praised for their looks or even their hard work.
On the surface, this might sound endearing and innocent. Yet, high-IQ people who can't acknowledge their hard work or value may eventually be taken advantage of. This often happens because they feel like they're not doing enough, so when someone acknowledges them, they feel it's unjustified. This is bad, as not accepting praise can lead to unconsciously seeking words that confirm one's biases.
High-IQ individuals should get into the habit of taking compliments seriously and using them as motivation. If they can't find peace and joy in praise, they might actively seek it in unhealthy environments.
6. Brushing off their achievements
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Similar to compliments, people with a high IQ but low self-esteem often don't celebrate their achievements. When people come to congratulate them, they brush off their praises and see them as "no big deal."
Why? This could be due to the fact that they are expected to be highly successful. They're supposed to be intelligent enough and competent enough to handle any challenge that comes their way. They think these things are nothing special, or at least that they shouldn't be anything special for someone who has a high IQ.
Unfortunately, not celebrating those milestones might do more harm than good. In an article for Psychology Today, licensed clinical psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph.D., writes that not celebrating those small wins might lead to burnout and discouragement. Moreover, people who can celebrate their wins boost motivation, self-confidence, and self-awareness.
While it may seem like a waste of time to someone with a high IQ, celebration might be just what they need to encourage them to reach even more significant milestones and keep growing as a person, too.
7. Fearing failure
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People with a high IQ and low self-esteem often avoid failure because they secretly fear it. Why? Highly intelligent people already have a lot to deal with. Due to their natural abilities, people tend to seek them out and set high expectations for them. Since they're naturally gifted, their families will expect more from them.
Unfortunately, this amount of pressure, combined with their susceptibility to mood disorders, has all but shattered their self-confidence. Now, they do their best to avoid failure by refusing to try something new or overworking themselves to exhaustion.
As a study published the European Journal of Public Health discovered, the fear of failure increases stress and decreases social and emotional well-being in students, and likely others, too. High IQ people are no exception and are probably impacted by this even more, as they have such high (but complicated) expectations of themselves.
8. Avoiding conflict
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Another indicator that someone has a high IQ and low self-esteem is the way they handle conflict.
For example, high-IQ people pick and choose the things that are worth their time. Intelligent people know that not all fights are worth having, and purposely disengage if the argument appears to go nowhere.
People who are smart but also have low self-esteem, however, are in a trickier situation. They want to disengage but lack the self-confidence to say so. They may also feel that if they don't follow what the other person is doing, they'll be rejected or left behind.
One study published by the American Psychological Association found that people with low self-esteem often have more antisocial behavior, as well as low self-esteem also had poor work performance, school performance, and mental and physical health. All of these complicating factors may cause them to want to avoid any more hits to their self-esteem, whether they deserve them or not.
9. Perfectionism
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Perfectionism is another downfall for many high IQ people who also suffer from low self-esteem. Since they grew up with high expectations, they don't know how to relax or accept what's good enough.
They've been told they'll be someone great all their life. With that amount of pressure, it isn't surprising that, as adults, things need to be aligned perfectly for high-IQ people. In their eyes, their future depends on it.
Yet this thought process isn't surprising when people consider the fact that high IQ people tend to be more prone to mood disorders. According to a study published on MDPI, anxiety and perfectionism go hand in hand. Specifically, people with perfectionist tendencies were increasingly likely to have higher stress and, therefore, higher levels of anxiety.
No matter how low or high their self-esteem may be, this study showcases how important it is for people with a high IQ to take it easy. Otherwise, their mental and physical health might suffer because of it.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
10. Hiding out
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High IQ people often find comfort in being alone. It gives them more time to read, research and explore their interests, and there's nothing wrong with that. But when these same people also have low self-esteem, they're not just enjoying solitude, they may be hiding out from the world.
While anyone may be tempted to hide out during periods of low self-esteem, a high IQ person may be able to justify this to themselves a little easier. For example, they may think the work they're doing is important enough to neglect their social lives and self-care. Because they may not value their well-being as much as their output, things like social connections, trying new things or exercising may fall by the wayside so they can hide out from the world.
11. Neglecting their physical health
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As mentioned above, high IQ people may value their intellect over their other needs. When their self-esteem is also low, they may find themselves neglecting their physical and emotional well-being to the point of becoming almost self-destructive.
This can be confusing to someone on the outside. After all, their high IQ friend is certainly smart enough to know the importance of having social connections and the benefits of exercise and other health protocols. Why wouldn't they simply prioritize those things, too?
Well, the low self-esteem may be telling them that they aren't deserving of the reward of self-care, friendships, exercise or anything else until they reach some sort of external standard. Maybe that means a promotion, another degree, more money, etc.
Regardless of the goal, it's likely something that will never actually be enough, and they'll keep looking for more and more accomplishments to chase rather than deal with their self-esteem issues and start taking better care of their bodies.
